What does gay really mean?

I kind of wish there was another word, yet it's embraced and part of the GLBT acronym. The word gay seems to imply a lifestyle and collection of stereotypes, ones that not necessarily all men who like men are a plugged into. Probably high school and college was the dividing line between it being a slur and it being a way of identifying men who either exclusively liked or had sex with men. I'd like to know the history of how a word that originally meant happy became the main word for describing homosexuality.

 

Interesting question.

Firstly, on the topic:

Although I first felt a physical sexual reaction towards guys at the age of 11 or so, I spent the next few years convincing myself that getting erections for other guys had nothing to do with sexuality and everything to do with being a dominant Alpha male ( on a side note, I wonder if this is maybe how rapists start down the slippery slope... by separating the physical act from their sexuality and associating it with power/dominance instead.. if so, I may have had a lucky escape from not following this idea through to its seemingly logical conclusion) . It took me until the last year of high school to reluctantly accept, on the inside only, that I was a 'poofter'. However, I avoided turning it to reality and spent the next few years 'successfully' avoiding any sexual activity other than masturbation. I guess it wasn't till I was 29 and contemplating my 30th ( so long ago now! ) that I decided I needed to start accepting who I am and what that meant in terms of my sexuality.

Secondly, at a tangent, more in terms of the actual terminology:

By coincidence, yesterday I was completing an anonymous survey to help out my local sexual health services, and for one of the questions I was presented with a list of options and asked to pick which, if any, I identified with. For most of the last 17 years or so I would have unhesitatingly picked 'gay' , but this time after thinking about it I selected 'queer'. I am still not entirely sure of my reason.

When I was younger I was ( as so many of us are) in extreme denial. Then when I first came out I rejected 'gay' as a label, as to me it seemed 'political' , I preferred 'homosexual' which, at the time, seemed to me to be a more 'factual' label. However, for many years now I have embraced 'gay' with occasional moments of 'queer'.

Gay works for me now for the most part, however, I am a Kinsey 6 ( at least ) having NEVER felt any sexual attraction to anyone other than my own gender. I wonder how useful people at other points in the continuum ( or who are completely outside the scope of the Kinsey scale ) find the label 'gay' ? I suspect that is one reason many people embrace 'queer' as a label as it seems to cast its net a lot wider. I also think that many people find 'queer' more challenging and that is why I sometimes use it when I am feeling a bit more militant LOL .

I guess at the end of the day, gay means different things to different people ( and often different things to the same people at different points in their lives) .

 

I think the word "homosexual" is fine and accurate, and makes no value judgment, at least not to me. However, "homo" is often a put down. I just wish there was shorter word. "Lesbian" is fine, accurate, shorter, and even scientific.

"Gay" has the merriment, frolicking, and fabulous connotation to heterosexuals, and even to some within the GLBT community.

"Queer," like "gay," came from another use. It meant, and still means, odd or unusual. Again, I don't think non-heterosexuals should embrace that word. In that case, I think "gay" is far superior. Society now accepts "gay" as a social and politically valid word. In medical articles or questionnaires, one now sees "MSM" - men who have sex with men - to include gay, bisexual, questioning, and heterosexual identified men who have sex with men anyway.

Sometimes, I just prefer hearing "I like guys," but that's a sentence.

 

When I was growing up I can't remember people using the word gay for homosexual. When I was a kid people said homo, fag or fairy. I grew up in a Jewish family and the word "feygele" (which is Yiddish) was used in a whisper about men who might be homosexual. Feygele derives from the German for little bird. For the most part, my family never, ever talked about sex and certainly not homosexuality. I knew from a very young age that I was very interested in boys. I was drawn to really good looking boys and men. When I was little I used to watch the old western, Bonanza, because I had a mad crush on Michael Landon who played little Joe. I didn't know what homosexuals did sexually but when I was 13 or 14 I got a hold of a terrible book, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (but were afraid to ask ). This book answered questions about homosexual practices but in the most derogatory, judgmental manner but it was information. I'm not sure when gay started to be in use but I think by the mid 70s when I started college. I don't mind the word gay, although it has a bit of a demeaning connotation (happy, little birds). I actually like the word queer because its edgy, which syncs with me sometimes. I hate the word homosexual. Labels do not work so well.

---------- Post added 1st Jun 2013 at 03:10 PM ----------

Sometimes if I'm reading an older classic novel or watching an old movie the word "gay" is used in its original sense. It always sounds so shocking to hear it in a different way. But now people won't use it in that way anymore, kind of too bad.

 

There was a Feminine Guy at school & people presumed he was Gay, that was when I first heard it, when I was 11

 

I could see how that might happen. However, I thought another Micheal was really watchable - Michael Ontkean.

I would agree that the most commonly used derogatory word before the teenage years would have been "fag." By high school, "gay" was probably used more often.

 

Gay means to be attracted to the same sex.

Homosexual means to be sexually attracted to the same sex.

One can be an asexual and be attracted to the same sex romantically likewise one can be the kind that only enjoys sexual interaction with the same sex.

Same principles apply to straight/heterosexual and bi/bisexual, and so on.

 

I think I first heard gay at ages 13 or 14, it was (and still is) used to describe people who are homosexuals, or girly, or just as an insult. I've always understood that I was not common, like my hetero friends, but never identified as gay, because it just didn't fit me (and still doesn't) so I've always seen gay as something familiar but not quite me.

 

A lot of interesting questions here.

I think I first heard "gay" in junior high school, and it was derogatory. I have some of the same problems with the word as others have expressed here. I somewhat prefer "homosexual," used as an adjective rather than a noun. I refer to my homosexual feelings or desires or experiences. But I generally don't think of myself as "a homosexual," except maybe ironically. In part, of course, that's got to do with the fact that I have real attractions to women as well. That should make me "bisexual," but I have found that term sort of misses the mark in several ways.

But as for "gay," to me it has a cultural meaning, and it's one I don't relate to. It has to do with a certain kind of identity, and I am quite resistant to such ideas. I think that "identities," like labels, can be a trap. On this score, I agree with tightrope.

Like arturoenrico, I grew up hearing Yiddish and heard the word feygele used. I have never been clear on whether that's the origin of "fag." Anybody know?

 

No Internet for me until my mid to late thirties. How did we figure things out? Definitely, no one honestly explained it to me. I pieced together information from many sources. Quite sure no one used the word "gay" in high school. I think there was a great deal I didn't know until college. I knew nothing much in high school. However, now that I'm thinking, a rogue English teacher in the 10th grade gave us a book to read Good Times, Bad Times by James Kirkwood, which has significant gay themes. I think the headmaster attempted to rape one of the boys in this novel. I don't know how my English teacher got away with this. I remember being fascinated, enthralled, horrified, etc. I guess, it was these pieced together experiences. But, just to make you feel better, I had an attraction to boys in high school, which I thought nothing of. I remember wondering why some boys would go on about girls; I assumed that they did because it was the thing to do. I actually remember thinking that girls and boys didn't really have sex, except maybe occasionally as adults to have babies. I thought the whole idea was absurd. I was quite naive in many ways.

 

First, to address mnguy, I learned about it from a childhood friend who was going to a different high school. We might have been around 15 or 16, and he was a little obvious, in that it took 1 hour to get his hair right and the way he held his cigarette. He started to make comments about school friends and about bosses and coworkers in teenage fast food, like "So and so thinks I'm gay," or "I think my boss is gay," so it could be inferred from the context. (His boss was, and if you like that fireman calendar look, even better).

As for "fag," I think it has British roots, as in the remaining piece of a cigarette butt and I once read "the fag end of the race," but not in reference to sexuality. I think it comes from that part of the world, but I'm not 100% sure.

 

Interesting question! Never thought about it before.

I was a young kid in the 1970’s and in London. The most common slang term then was ‘poof’ or ‘poofter’. Other terms included ‘pansy’, ‘Nancy boy’, ‘bender’ and ‘bum boy’. ‘Gay’ was used but much less often until the 1980’s when the long, slow thaw in social attitudes to homosexuals really began here.

I don’t recall anyone ever explaining the meaning of any of these terms. But I knew what they meant… so I must have inferred meaning from the context in which they were used.

Incidentally, when I say that I knew what the ‘gay’ meant, I don’t mean that I knew that it was an alternative word for homosexual. To me ‘gay’ meant a whole lot more than merely being homosexual. Being ‘gay’ inferred an identity full of stereotypes I didn’t relate to in spite of knowing that I was homosexual. So it took me a while to reconcile myself to the term, and I’m not sure that reconciliation has ever been complete. Its more a matter of linguistic convenience.

 

was in 10th grade when a friend in a Public Speaking class did his project on homosexuality; he stood in front of the class and taught us all the facts. Later, I found out he felt he was gay - that was when he declared his love for me. That was my intro - thru him. From class project - to student's project. Haha! I was so naive - and he loved me he said - which confused me, but didn't stop me from my newfound sexual expression - which was so PG-13. By college I discovered my full bloom with some of my best buds while also with girls. The difference being wanting "romance" with females - and flat out lust with the boys.

And then I settled down....Got married, had kids, became the family man - and loved it. But my initial awareness of men loving men was that 10th grade public speaking class and that brave young man who educated us all in 1970. The boy had some cojones!

 

For all you guys from the UK, do you know the term "shirt lifter"? Just read it in a book recently.

 

When I was about 9 my sister mentioned it as a quick joke. Then my classmate told me about it around 11. I eventually learn the definition of it about 13-15.
I got really confused later around 19 when I realize that guys who have intercourse with guys are not necessarily gay but gay4pay.

 

Hi Hmm for the Joke, from what I can recall is; one day when my sister came back from school, we were having conversations as usual but then suddenly she used the word gay, then my dad told us off.

When I was 11 I crushed on a guy from another class heavily (the whole class kinda knew about it) and my classmate told me that I was gay. Then he explained to me that the word would describe my heavy feelings for the guy, but I only vaguely know that word's meaning.

I started researching the word/meanings of gay/orientation, and research about sexuality topics about 13-15 to get more understanding about it.

I agree about the Jail rape thing. Sexuality is a pretty complex subjects, and hence the existence of the Kinsey scale etc. And I personally think that there is a lot more to sexuality than labels.