Hello Friends -- I have not posted as much recently. Work has been busy, a welcome change. And then, well, I'm now in a place where I'm dating, not so much just looking for any guy. So those of you who have followed my story -- from 7 months ago not accepting who I am at all, to coming out in the past 4 months to everyone, where I'm at now is almost unbelievable. However it happened, a FWB guy asked me to be his "date" at a party this past Friday night (sit down dinner for ~60). I said, why not?! I've known him ~7 months. Back then I approached him first, though he asked me for my number first. We've met a bunch of times for lunch, drinks, dinner, etc... and sex, but always as friends "plus." We are both usually pretty casually dressed -- but this Friday night we both dressed up, blazers, etc - he looked great, said I did, too ;-) And it was a perfectly great night! We each socialized independently as well as being together ourselves throughout the night, too, arm in arm, hugging, whatever. High energy night. And realized, for the both of us, it was the first time either of us was with a man in public as a couple. At this party were many of his friends, a few of my friends. Cool huh! The rest of the night after the party was even more amazing between us ... wow! We didn't sleep until 3 am. Next morning was, umm, a pleasurable morning ;-), bummed around, went out for lunch, saw a great movie. In this theatre there is an upper and lower section -- we sat in the front row of the upper section, where everyone walked by coming in/out. We held hands the entire movie... and it seemed so right, didn't matter at all that we were an obvious couple. And without TMI, let me tell you, as great the night before was, this second night was astonishing - not just sexually, but the tremendous connection, emotion. As sappy as it sounds, it was more than sex, it was really love making. And the next am... yes, well, more of the same. Finally drinking coffee in the kitchen naked and watching the Sunday am news. 4 months ago my "plan" was to hold off coming out until June. Then a friend (straight actually), challenged me -- why wait? Why wait -- indeed! Taking the risk, coming out to my kids, parents, family, friends, and community -- made the space open in my life to meet guys, explore and learn about myself. And while I'm not going to say that I'm in love, I have a great relationship with a man who is fantastic... and the feeling is mutual. And whatever this relationship is, well, I'm also dating another guy... who until this past weekend, I thought was the man of my dreams. [confused a bit] Yes, I'm very happy. Deeply happy. What a great path and journey. Couldn't have done it without the support from all of you. Hugs to all -- Pete
Hey Pete, So glad to hear the good news! There is a world of distance between "having sex" and "making love". I had my boyfriend over at my place for the first time last night. I cannot begin to describe the joy that I/we both felt when we awoke the next morning together in the same bed...
Thank you for sharing your story! I am in that place you were months ago..out to my wife and a few close friends...Worried about coming out at work, church well you get the idea. I will go back and read some of your older posts, as I think that they will encourage me. Just tonight my straight friend said to me..."why are you waiting? Another year is going to go by and you will still be wondering where your life is!" And then I come home and read your post! Sorry for all of the "!" but I am somewhat excited about your description of your life...making love...waking up with someone.....aaaggghhhh, I feel like I should watch a Disney Princess movie now!
I guess I wouldn't post if I were in your position either. But glad to hear things sound like they are going well. Didn't sleep until 3? Insomnia can be such a difficult problem! Perhaps you might read a good book.:badgrin: (Sorry. Just couldn't resist!) ---------- Post added 27th May 2013 at 11:20 PM ---------- Greatwhale, I'm glad to hear things are going well! You are lucky. We expect to see wedding photos if you two ever reach that point!
Thanks for the update Pete, Why wait sounds like a good motto to use. Just a question, were the friends people you both knew before the 7 months or after. Yes it must have been good to both have friends at this party but the real test would be to socialize with friends from the past.
Hi Pete WOW you have really come on in leaps and bounds over the last few months and to have the confidence to be totally out in public as a couple and to have started building real emotional connections with guy, congratulations. Like you I have been busy with work recently, I have also not wanted to push things too fast since coming out to my wife a few months ago with it being our 25th wedding anniversary in May, I want my wife to have some time to start to get used to me being gay. I hope to be spending more time back on EC and start taking my first steps to finding FWBs!! Hi Greatwhale You too seem to have made great progress in my absence from EC in the last few months; moving into your own place, acquiring a boyfriend, and getting the divorce sorted out not too painfully I hope. I can only dream of waking up with a guy in bed next to me, must be a great feeling. Sale Gay Guy
That's great Pete, I'm very happy for you! It is wonderful isn't it, and that emotional connection really does bump everything up to an amazingly different level doesn't it.
Thanks BMC, marriage is not an impossible thing to contemplate with him...but if it ever does happen, y'all will be the first to know! :icon_wink Hi Sale! My life these days is a soap opera! Many things going on, lots of juggling and struggling (especially with the divorce), but definitely, at our age there's no time to lose! :lol: Hi Pete, Just to re-iterate, we are all sharing in your joy, it really is wonderful to be able to love as never before!
I've had great dates, with 2 different guys recently. Tried to share that I'm happy, without TMI of course, with my parents -- and was really bummed and depressed that I didn't get much of a response from them. They're only known I'm gay for a couple of months, so I may be expecting too much. Talked about this with my therapist.... that I still don't know the road I should be on, how to navigate the gay world, write my script... etc. He stops me, smiles at me, and asks me to "get" just how far I've come. He asks me to think back on the couple of great dates I've had... and says -- that's your script, you are living your script and what's possible as a gay man. (and that's why getting my parents to understand that I'm happy is so important to me). My lesson, and for all of us here, particularly in the LGBT late but great group, is to acknowledge how challenging this journey is and to CELEBRATE where we're at, whatever on the path we may be, to give ourselves hugs, and for me the lesson is, too, to reach out and ask for affirmation and a hug when I need it. HUGS all!
Hi Pete! I've shared my BF experiences with my mother and sisters. With the sisters, everything is cool (but strange, no doubt about it), with my mom, she is accepting, happy that I am happy, but worried for my safety...which is understandable. It's a real adjustment process for them too! It'll take time for them to consider this normal. I'm sure it will be the same for the soon-to-be-ex and kids when I eventually tell them (once the divorce is final and settled). And once they get to meet my significant other, there will be "interesting" times, no doubt! Ultimately, we need to live our lives as we see fit, and to associate with those whom we chose, it's the essence of being an adult, and I am revelling in it!
You'll have to keep us posted. As for your kids, it might be hard just because it's often hard seeing the family break down, and the parents enter new relationships. But, as I recall from something you said recently, your kids realize how toxic your marriage was, so, with luck, they won't have as much problem as some kids do. And I hope they'll see what a great guy your boyfriend is. The one possible twist is, of course, the fact that your new relationship is another guy. I hope your kids are like many of today, and will figure, in general, gay, big deal! Your soon to be ex-wife might not take it so well. I can't comment--I don't have enough sense of what she's like. But I will say that it's a good thing keeping quiet about your sexuality and your boyfriend until the divorce is finalized. Last thing you need is her to go off the edge, and make your life more miserable. But past that...well, she really might not matter that much. You'll presumably still have contact because of the kids. But past that, I get the sense (perhaps incorrect--it's based on little bits and pieces I've picked up here) that it's very unlikely in any case, gay or straight, that you and your ex-wife would continue on as "just friends."
Great news - very happy for you Pete! Naked in the kitchen - be careful you don't want to burn anything hanging around! Part of me thinks the great value of coming out late - is the reflection of looking back and seeing how far we have come.
