Preference or Prejudice?

You can put "racist/-phobic" on anything to accuse somebody of poor character. In reality, people don't always fear or hate people they avoid for dating purposes.

I don't think it's COMPLETELY right to exclude somebody from possibility based on trivial factors, because anything can happen and you might deny yourself the best partner in the world.* But I wouldn't say it's shameful or reprehensible.

*I don't generally find black people attractive either, but there are exceptions. This girl in one of my college classes years ago, unh. And smart, too. But I was in a relationship at the time, if I'm not mistaken.

 

Not if you aren't rude about it in my opinion. So someone may not be attracted to certain people. I can see how people can be touchy, but it's really a matter of personal opinion and who you are attracted to and I don't see a problem with letting people know in advance.

 

I think it's unfair for someone to not consider a potential partner solely by virtue of something one cannot control. It would be better if people looked beyond race and at least gave the person a chance, but not everyone agrees with doing that. So as mentioned above, I'm okay with preference, which entails knowing what you want while having open-mindedness as well.

 

Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

I have mixed feelings about this. At the very least, I think the people on those sites should post what they want, not what they don't want. If someone doesn't meet their "requirements," they should just politely decline them. A "I'm flattered, but I'm not really interested" would suffice. You wouldn't have to even make mention of their race or size or height or whatever the hell you're rejecting them for.


Side note, I think these "I'm not attracted to Black people" comments are irrelevant and unnecessary. The thread is asking you if you consider "No [insert race here]" in dating/hook-up profiles to be racism, not asking you what race you're not attracted to. I'm already reminded enough on a regular basis about how brown skin is something that many people don't find desirable.

 

That's essentially how I feel about it, too. We can't choose whom we're attracted to; all we can choose is how we treat people based on whether we are or aren't attracted to them, and there is where you have the potential for racism.

Arguments about reproduction aren't really relevant when we're talking about sex that can't result in reproduction. Obviously there's more that determines whom we're attracted to than just reproductive viability, or else we wouldn't be attracted to the same sex.

 

I'm with you, dude. We should be putting positive things (what we like) in online dating profiles instead of negative things (what we don't like). Relationships are unpredictable. You never know who you're going to fall for. It could be the last person you expect! Maybe someone who's not into Asians will end up being seriously attracted to an Asian person. Not everyone fits a racial stereotype, so you really can't judge someone based on the color of their skin. Putting racial preference on a dating profile is not a catch-all to filter out people you may not be into. Everyone is just a person. Some of us know that right now, our bodies don't match who we are on the inside. Some of us want to change our bodies. Some of us want to just be. Either way, physical appearance is just the tip of the iceberg. There's a human being underneath, and we have to honor that. I was living life uncomfortably as a straight woman and then fell for a woman. I always used to find overweight people really unattractive, but guess what, now I'm married to a guy who weighs twice as much as I do, and he's the most amazing, wonderful person I've ever met.

 

I'll second this.


Overall, I'm torn especially since most of the conversation is being spoken in the sense of "So it is written, So it shall be." As if other factors don't come into play when people think of another race or outside of their "comfort zone" at all. I'm not saying someone HAS to like anything on the planet but at least have the decency to know that life is NOT about your convenience or hell at least the emotional maturity to not be a cunt about it. :dry:


Side-Note: If you find yourself over-thinking this. Maybe it's because you haven't thought about it enough.

 

What I find so interesting about these specific "preferences" and the unreasonable amount of emphasis that is placed on them is how unrealistic they are, especially in modern society.

I am Multi-racial and fairly Androgynous(Slightly more feminine in my opinion). I have never dealt with the stereotypical struggles of being the mixed kid that doesn't seem fit in with anyone, nor have I had an issue having an equal amount of male and female friends.

However, this idealistic necessity for preference takes the situation to an entirely unnecessary level. I recognize that most people plausibly aren't mixed with at least four different races, but the guidelines in which many of these preferences fall aren't even geographically realistic.

"I like White and Asian, but no darker skin tones." Do you know how many Asian pigments are not the pure white image we see in media.

"I love Latin men, but no blacks." This one gets me the most, because I honestly don't think the average individual today has any idea what any of the Latin races look like. Its not that off-white kid with the last name Garcia that you met in the 5th grade. Latin pigments get dark. Obviously, I don't mean that in a negative way, I love all the colors of the rainbow; that is just the reality.


"What's too fat?" "What's too skinny?" "What's too fem?" "What classifies as masc?"

And Where the Hell Do I Fall? Now, I definitely don't say that with actual frustration or question, because I would never be with someone that was that selective. I just fail to see what some of these people are looking for. This isn't Subway. You can't write a list of requirements on a webpage and expect the world to present it to you.

Oh, and just to point out. This isn't a simple matter of attraction. If my favorite ice cream flavor was chocolate, I wouldn't slap the hand that offered vanilla. Even on the internet or a dating website, it only takes a few seconds to skim an email or message. Lets not act as though we are getting thousands of messages a day and literally dont have the time to at least briefly consider someone that has shown interest in us.

 

I say no because of phrasing but agree with those who say it is a fine line. There is a big difference between "I am Attracted to Athletic Builds" and "Fatties need not Apply" - it seems petty but I have seen profiles on dating sites go both ways and never appreciate the more brutal or borderline insulting ones much. This works for race too, but again, preference can be presented in a way that is very rude or very diplomatic and, sadly, I see many people go with rude these days.

 

i think it is ridiculous that anyone would eliminate an entire group of people based on something as arbitrary as ethnicity.

utterly ridiculous.

on the other hand, at least such information in one's profile would save someone from that group the trouble of wasting their damn time on you.

 

is not being into woman sexist?

 

is sexual attraction and sexual preference the same thing?

i think not.

 

I have only been attracted to white guys, even though I don't have any problem with other ethnicities. It's more about how they word it; an insulting exclusion is racist, whereas a simple statement of attraction is perfectly fine.

 

if you're not willing to even consider being w/ a black person, then you're a racist
having a preference on the other hand, is not necessarily racist

 

I put other. It really comes down to the individual in question. A person who may not be romantically interested in a certain race is not saying "You are all inferior". Much like how a straight person doesn't want to date the same sex, but isn't necessarily homophobic. Of course there is what I hope to be the small minority who thinks that a race is inferior, and therefore does not want to date or have anything to do with them at all.

 

This! just highlight what you like and not what you hate.

 

For me, it's a preference. I usually (not always) am not attracted to guys with darker skintones. No, it's not a race thing. It's an attraction thing. Even with white guys, I'll take freakishly pale over a sun-kissed tan any day of the week. For some reason, I'm attracted to pale guys. My type hardly ever veers from blondes, redheads, and guys with dark hair and light skin and eyes. I'm not gonna date someone I'm not attracted to for fear of people whose opinions don't matter to me thinking I'm racist because I like what I like. That's not fair to anyone.

And to the argument brought up about weight, I'll add this. I will not date guys who are significantly overweight. Call me shallow all you want, but I actually have a very good reason. I've lost 90lbs and I've been working extremely hard to stay healthy. It's a food addiction. I'm not willing to risk falling back into that. That's like getting out of rehab, hanging out at a crackhouse, and expecting to stay clean. It just doesn't happen.

I'll agree that people putting on their profiles everything they don't like is a bit much, and I tend to take that as a sign of general douchebaggery and steer clear. However, accusing someone of being racist or shallow because they don't happen to be attracted to you seems like a whole lotta butthurt to me. Just my two cents.