...or how do deal with feeling normal in a world that seems completely dysfunctional? (I guess this is a question for those of you who feel a little 'inbetween' - and it may at time seem like a rant). Over the last year I have been thinking a lot about my sexuality and especially my gender identity and expression. I think I have been over most labels that might be even slightly relevant to me; bisexual, crossdresser, transvestite, genderqueer, gender fluid, bigender etc. In short, I am a male who at the same times enjoys (and craves) my feminine side (f.ex. by crossdressing) and my masculine side (f.ex. participating in a male dominated endurance sport). My gender expression is typically more masculine than femine, but I am starting to incorporate more feminine elements into my style. Honestly, if I had the courage, I would express myself way more flamboyantly than I do today. I don't feel whole, if I am not able to experience both sides of me. And here comes the tricky thing.... I am finally starting to see myself as normal, even though I can see that most of the rest of the world is not necessarily like me. Why are people so busy trying to put themselves and others into boxes labelled "masculine men" and "feminine women"? Why is gender regarded as binary (or only slightly better as a spectrum)? All those label I can put on myself are probably correct, but for what use? I am just someone who enjoys eating from the entire buffet, and not just the heterosexual masculine side of the buffet. I may approach self-acceptance but I am not ready to accept the "rest of the world". I guess my main question is; how do you deal with feeling normal in a seemingly dysfunctional world? :bang: I think this is more than enough for now :icon_redf
I use "homosexual male" (or even "masculine homosexual male" if it comes down to it) not because I feel constrained to have a label, or to "choose sides". I use it because it fits me. And I think that's simply true for a lot of people. In a lesser way, I never felt I had to choose sides for other things - that I had to hang out with the straights OR the gays, for instance. I didn't have any trouble finding what I was, and simply going forward with that. Yeah, maybe you can't be summed up with a syllable or two or five. That just means you're more interesting than me. Lex
Haha. I am probably not more interesting than you ;-) Maybe my post isn't that relevant to people who feel secure with whatever position on the spectrum (or in the buffet) that they have. And it was never my intention to imply, that people should not be allowed to follow their own preference, whether that being masculine, feminine, none or both. I think intention is the more important thing - do one act out of preference or out of fear of being non-conforming? I like that you say that you felt you "[never] had to choose sides for other things". I think that is the place where I'd like to arrive also. And if you arrive there, labels don't mean that much, I guess. I am still constrained by fear of being non-conforming, but this is just something I will have to work at.
Oddly, I keep running into people who are desperately trying to show how NON-conformist they are, how different they are, and their utter disdain for anything "mainstream". Maybe I run with a more enlightened bunch of people. Or maybe I'm attracting hipsters. Either way, there's nothing wrong with just being you. In fact, that's the entire point of the exercise. Lex
