Question for all the Bisexuals

Straight people don't tell me I have straight privilege. Only gay and lesbian folks do that.

 

Because straight privilege is invisible to straight people. That's what makes it privilege.

I'm not trying to say that being bisexual is all roses or that y'all have no problems. I'm just pointing out that, just as my identifying as gay occasionally gives me certain privileges that you don't have, your identifying as bisexual occasionally gives you certain privileges that I don't have. There's a term for this, it's called "intersectionality."

Having privilege doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone has some privilege. It just means that, when you talk to someone who doesn't have the same privileges that you do, it's courteous to step lightly and be respectful of experiences you might not understand. I hope I've done that here. Please let me know if I haven't!

 

While I appreciate the 101 on privilege and intersectionality, I read the anti-racist and feminist literature on a regular basis and am already familiar with those concepts. I strenuously disagree with you, and I'll have to elaborate on the reasons why later, since a) I have to go to fencing, and b) I'm too upset to respond right now. It's not your fault, but the assertion or implication that bisexual folks enjoy straight privilege is angering for me, especially when it comes from someone educated on identity politics. I believe that assertion is pretty divisive and does nothing to further a dialogue or productive political ties between lesbian, gay, and multisexual people.

 

How would one address an underprivileged person from playing the victim?

My workplace is currently in a scuffle where a transgendered person was being super dismissive of others because they were "cis-gendered". I believe the situation was a mild debate that sort of escalated after the person said they hated all cis people and due to their "privilege", their opinions are invalid. To me, I think it's ridiculous that they are playing this victim-mentality card:rolle:

I'm at the belief where if you don't give respect, you ain't getting any back:eusa_naug

 

What was dismissive and disrespectful about my original post?

I found it incredibly dismissive and disrespectful when people were saying that gay people deliberately mis-identify themselves because we hate bisexuals and want to hurt them, so I responded by opening up, talking about my experiences, and trying to find common ground. Was that a mistake?

 

Oh-- to answer your question, bisexuals have straight privilege in the following ways:

-When you are in heterosexual relationships, you are able to marry the person you love. I can't, ever.
-When you are in heterosexual relationships, you can bring your partner to family gatherings and work functions without worrying about being asked to leave, fired, or whatever. I can't, ever.
-When you are in heterosexual relationships, you can hold hands with your partner without being afraid that someone will harass you, yell at you, or assualt. I can't, ever.

I got more. Want me to continue?

Pointing these things out doesn't mean that I hate you, and in fact, the only reason I'm bringing it up is because you flat out deny that you ever benefit from living in a straight society in any way, ever--in spite of the fact that you claim to be such an expert on identity politics that it's outright offensive for me to even bring them up.

 

Well, as a bisexual person living in Massachusetts I will be able to marry the person I love regardless of their gender, and I wouldn't really have to deal with those issues anyways. As such, I'd say I benefit more from living here than I do from being bisexual as opposed to gay.

 

I feel like the point of my post was kind of missed. First, I'm not claiming to be an expert on identity politics. I'm always open to learning. Second, I'm not denying multisexual people can enjoy straight privilege. I'm just saying that employing the privilege analysis strategy to multisexual people inside the community is a way of saying that their struggles matter less, and that since they always have an "escape," they are less dedicated to the queer community, or they have something special to prove.

One of the things that I think is important to note is that multisexual people do not monolithically enjoy the same kinds of privilege, and their privilege--if it exists--is only something they enjoy to the extent they can pass as straight. Because of my voice and mannerisms, I'm not able to hide. In my closeted days, I've tried desparately, and it never worked.

Also, I've considered some of the things gay and lesbian people have had to say on the subject of bisexuality, including that complete ass Dan Savage. One of the things he's said, and I think he's right, is that we're not out enough. We can avoid many straight privileges by being open about our sexualities, even if we're in heterosexual relationships. At this point, I'm not at all interested in marriage, but I declare that even if I were, I would not get married to a woman as long as my sisters and brothers were being denied the same right.

I don't see how it helps to tell multisexual folks that they have straight privilege when they are being told that constantly in a way that completely invalidates their experiences even though they have many shared experiences with gay and lesbian folks and put considerable effort into displaying political solidarity.

Warmth,

Adrian.

 

I agree with Pret Allez. Just because some is attracted to multiple genders, including the culturally defined opposite of the one they are read as, does not mean they necessarily enjoy straight privilege. They may only situationally pass as straight, but even then they can only do so if they keep part of their identity a secret. While this is easy for some people, for others it is not.

In regards to the original topic, it doesn't offend me at all. Many people who at first identify as bisexual but later go on to identify as gay or lesbian (or even straight) honestly believe they are bisexual. Shaming people for going through a "bisexual phase" only encourages them to hide the fact that they were ever uncertain about their sexuality, perpetuating the myth that it is something everyone "just knows" and is readily apparent once you cast off your homophobia.

 

Straight passing privilege is something you have whenever someone doesn't know you are not straight. This means gays and lesbians can have it, too.

You are right in that bisexuals in opposite gender relationships do have those privileges (saying homosexuals will 'never' be in opposite gender relationships in inaccurate), but the passing privilege also leads to erasure, internal conflict, perpetually having to come out, and invalidation of queer-ness.

---------- Post added 30th Apr 2013 at 07:45 PM ----------

Oops, already a couple people have replied.

And oh, someone else who uses multisexual as an umbrella term! w00t!

 

Except I don't have that either, because I'm the ugly kind of lesbian.

But whatever, that's fine, you're all the most oppressed and I suck for trying to connect with you.

 

Not at all. I appreciate that you're trying to connect, and your experience matters too.

 

100% Agree

 

Being dismissive is rude, especially when you didn't understand that person's point.

The point is when someone yells at someone for being "privileged" in an area, it's a disrespectful and uneducated response. Even pointing it out to another person politely should be used with caution. Yes, you may be privileged in one area, however, you may be oppressed in another area. You don't know the person's life story.

Ex. Minority bisexual that grew up in a low-economic situation.
Privileged because they can be part of the straight world.
Oppressed because of minority status
Oppressed because of socioeconomic status
Oppressed because can never fully be accepted by either straight or gay world.

Saying someone is privileged doesn't solve the problems. Rather, it alienates from a common goal. Instead, energy should be spent on ways to address and improve the particular situation.

 

Allow me to pull one from my parents bag of wise advice;
"As long as you are aware of the consequences, and are fully ready to accept any responsibilities that may come with that choice, then go ahead with that choice. If you aren't ready, or willing to accept those responsibilities; reconsider going through with that course of action.

 

Well that was a sudden change of heart. :bang:

 

Ah, me too. I identified as pansexual for about 3 or so years. It wasn't until I finally kissed a boy that I realized my body has the opposite reaction. I, physiologically, am not attracted to them. However, I do think that I could fall in love with one, given his/zir/whatever's personality (which is more what I look for in women anyway). Sex would just not be much of an option (which sucks because I'm super sexual) without it being very uncomfortable and painful for me.

I do see the whole "bisexuals don't exist" thing from both gay and straight people. It irritates me because it is a legitimate sexuality.

 

I'm bisexual.. and I do understand what you mean.
There are people who say that they are bi because they try to avoid being hated or judged. It does act like a safety net for them. And honestly, it does help to fit into society better..

But truth be told, I really am bi. I fell in love with a girl before. But she couldn't return my feelings, so I sorta gave up.. (I'm still hung up abt that haha...)

But I also have an attraction to guys. But just not the manly types.. (No offence to manly men everywhere!! >A<) I like guys who are probably younger than me, mostly those who have a lower self-esteem.. :/
It's not that I have a fetish or anything I swear!! 'A';;
But its somewhat part of my personality.. I can't help but act like a guy, a lot. So that's why I have some specific type that I'm interested in. ><

Tho, I still think that it depends on who I fall in love with..
Because its not the gender that I'm falling in love with, it's the person. Types are not really that important to me, just as long as I really love that person..

 

You shouldn't be feeling the need to apologize.