We had a good talk this morning. Laid it all out. Said I was frightened but finally needed to accept the truth about myself. It went well. As I have said in a couple of posts around here. The bigger tension is about money. She feels that she put her life on hold because she had to support me. I understand why she feels that way. She worked hard at her job while I made pocket change and pursued my dream (writing my book). This has bothered me as much as it has bothered her. Anyhow, the issue of my being gay was secondary. I'm sure new tensions will surface. But for the moment things seems okay. Bill
So glad for you that its out in the open. Its the beginning for both of you of honesty and living in reality. Take it a day at a time.
Congratulations on the talk with your wife. Bet you're kind of relieved. Not all problems solved, but at least she knows what's been on your mind. One step at a time.
Thank you to all of you. I could not have done it without your support. I told my wife all about EC and how helpful it had been. I love you all. We're all in this together. Bill Oh, one more thing, I know that many of you are in much tougher situations than I am. We have no kids. Our sex life was already pretty much over. And I live in a place where there are loads of loud and proud gay men and lesbians. I'm not too nervous about telling friends. I know that many of you are not so lucky. All I can say is that I'm here for you. I ain't going away. love, Bill
Good for you, Bill! I'm very happy for you. There is nothing like shedding your old skin and becoming who you were always meant to be. Best, Maxx
Congratulations! In a way, that's true, but in a way, I'm not sure anyone here has it "easy." I know in many ways I have a "dream" situation. I live in a reasonably liberal, accepting area. I have no wife, no girl friend, no children, etc. But trust me: there are problems I face. Like a friend who probably won't take the news well, but if things go really, really badly could have a hugely negative influence on several areas of my life. Most of my family will be accepting, but there are several who won't. This may be the thing that finally kills off all contact with one side of my family. And...the list goes on.
You're right BMC77, it's not easy for any of us, otherwise we wouldn't be here. And there are thousands and thousands of more of us out there. They haven't found us here, or they're still in deep denial, or don't want to rock the boat, or they're dying to come out but need to summon the courage. I joined EC last Sunday, identifying as bi. It took about two days for me to change my designation to gay and another few days after that to come out once and for all to my wife. The power of EC to give me the will to speak the truth to myself and my wife has been incredible. Are the family members you most care about among those who will be accepting or those who won't, BMC77? And thank you to Ohana and CB. Yes, Ohana, as you posted I guess on Rose's thread, it's been a big week for some of us. And yes, CB, it's a relief. But as I said to my wife, it's not the most convenient timing in the world because we're dealing with a lot of other stresses. But she's glad that at least we have that out of the way now.
Amazing progress! I can't remember how long it took me, but it was longer than a week. I think I went from "Questioning" to "Questioning but not straight" in a week. But to say "gay" took longer. As for my nuclear family, it's now only me and my father. There is a question mark about my father. There is a fair shot that he'll be tolerant, but, at the same time, I'm not his dream son, and I can see this adding fuel to that fire. However, our contact is somewhat infrequent now. Several people in the family my father is married into are conservative Christians, and thus, I assume, will quite likely not take the news well. Although I'm not sure how much I care--my contact has always been pretty minimal, and mostly at large scale events. Fortunately, the people I have the most contact with in my extended family will mostly be OK. However, one entire side of the family might have real problems. Contact is pretty minimal these days...but there is something sobering about having a large part of your family history suddenly gone. Irony: I think it's very likely that family has had gay men before me.
at dinner my wife brought up the question of my dating men. she's okay with it. There was a gay couple across the street from us that broke up a couple of years ago. One of the guys was a total dreamboat. My wife and I agreed that we both found him gorgeous. An architect from Colombia. OMG. Anyway, he asked me what I'd do if he came up and asked me out. I said I'd ask her permission. She thought that was funny. I said that of the many gay men in our neighborhood, he was the only one I was attracted to. She said I had spent a lot of time with gay men, meaning that the more I did, the more I'd be attracted. I told her, quite honestly, that dating wasn't the number one thing on my mind and listed a whole bunch of things (work & family stuff) that were higher priorities. She asked me about a friend of mine who is gay. I said I wasn't especially attracted to him. She said she was. That if she were younger and he were straight, she'd definitely go out with him. She also asked me who would be "the woman." I raised my hand. Told her that I was a total bottom. I mean that's sorta the point. I discovered this enormous well of femininity in myself. And I'm eager to explore it. I think I posted on Musician's wall the other day about my first discovery of my fantasy of being a girl/women and how I pushed it away. gotta go. off to the movies. talk you all later. b
A significant typo in previous post. It should read "she asked me what I'd do. . . . " Not "he'd ask me." My heart would have stopped if he had asked me about going out with him.
