Think marriage finally over. No fights. No anger or silence. Husband stopped wearing his wedding band which has always been important to him to wear. A relief in some ways but now totally alone. Family supportive from a distance. No offers to have me stay with them. Was truth worth what I have lost-losing? No. I don't own alot of stuff-Can fit it all in back of car.I need a map and some darts. I told my husband when we had the "I am gay" talk he could have the house and primary custody of boys.
Hi, Boys still need you and always will. Stay close. Wouldn't a duplex be nice if the ex could handle it? It will get better. Give it time.
I feel your pain. No rings in our house now and my move out is in a couple weeks. Take care of yourself and keep us posted. It sucks now, but better is on the horizon.
Skiff- Thanks.-melodramatic moment(s) to move away- I like the duplex or close homes idea but husband does not want to move and no affordable options around here. Italy or Bust- Thanks. Just lonely. All my support is far away. Sucks losing my 1 friend. -husband.
Every sympathy. We have no rings either now, I was the first to remove mine.It's taken a few weeks for my husband to realise that it's really over for us, I think he is getting there now. I'm still looking for a place to live. Staying in this house is really difficult, it makes me feel almost constantly uncomfortable. I will take my son when I leave. He is my biggest worry, I can see the affect all this stress is having on him, it scares me to death the thought of what we are doing to him. I'm just hoping that he is young enough to get over it without it causing him too much long term damage. Good luck in finding your way in your new life. I know it seems hard at the moment, god knows I do, but you have so many new opportunities in front of you, it's just a case of getting through the hard bits. Your boys need you, don't sacrifice yourself on the ultar of guilt. I know how tempting that is but you mustn't. You have a future to plan for and kids to look after. I know you feel like you wrecked your husband's life, but you haven't. This is a shitty way for things to turn out but it's not your fault. He can't give you the things you want and deserve out of a relationship and you can't give those things to him. I know it's hard to see that now but it's true. Things won't always look this bleek, the darkest hour comes just before dawn. Vicki x
I'm going to mediation tomorrow for the first time, I've run through the numbers; it's doable. I have a place to move to in 15 days, she is moving with the kids at the end of May. typically, she is on my case about getting it all done now, I'm tired of living like this (sleeping on the couch for the past 3 months) and I am looking forward to the future. It's a hard time, freedom has its price. The future looks bright and this is what is keeping me going. I wish you all the best, and know that you are not alone. Keep us posted, we need your strength too!
Rosé, keep in mind all of us married gays are use to being connected to our spouse. When we become disconnected loneliness can set in quickly. Recognizing it for what it is may help. It is temporary. Just keep in mind how much better the connection will be in a gay relationship. I have read that hetero-married gays, once free of the marriage have better relational skills to be applied to their gay future.
Do not leave your children, and don't give away your interest in your home. Both huge mistakes . Being gay Nd leaving your marriage are 2 separate issues. No more shame
It might not be shame walking away from home. She could be doing what it best for children. Give her time. If you have kids you know the priorities - kids first everything else after that.
I don't really care about the house but realistically going to be 20-25 minute drive when I find a place to live. I would never abandon kids but I get so frustrated with everything that I do wish I could try out a completely different state -but I will wait till kids are done with high school. Watching news-should not complain w/whats going on in Boston. Thank You all for your support. Hugs.
Hi Rose, I understand your desire to just get away. In the past couple of months I have felt it myself as things cannot meet my timeline. It is a strange mix of flight and frustration. I understand your feelings.
I hope you do not give up everything, because then it sounds like something is wrong with you, like you are guilty. When you have actually been one of honesty, and directness. Ok, so family is supportive from a distance. I hope you continue to focus on the small but positive things. Because the bigger positive things come later. You are not totally alone. The truth was worth losing - a marriage, but you are not losing your kids. But you are in a fragile place, and I think you could use a friend to take you out to lunch for a bite to eat. Thanks for sharing, and keep updating and stay as positive as possible.
Hey Skiff, that is a good point about loneliness possibly setting in quickly for us married gays. That is a concern for me - especially being away from my kids as we have a better connection than me and my wife Thanks Robert
I do get sad about kids-I think better off with husband not because I'm gay but because he is a better role model overall right now. Running on empty. Feeling I'm living on auto pilot. Started this discussion w/therapist last week. Totally scared to go to LGBT support group she suggested. Makes it all a little to real....
Why are you scared of the LGBT group? They will be more understanding than anyone besides us. You might just really hit it off with someone. Some could be looking for a roommate, someone with a nicer house than you have ever lived in. Endless possibilities. This is the death of a marriage, and it sounds like your man was a good man, but it is the new birth of a new beginning as well. You will begin to feel much better in less than a week.
