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Questioning and libido

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by UP88, Apr 6, 2013.

  1. UP88

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    Ok so if you guys read my backstory its a pretty doozy of a story. Long story short, I'm struggling with my sexual identity and a new development has arisen. My sex drive hasn't been the same since coming out and since I've been struggling with all these questions. How was it for anyone else who has struggled with this?

    I mean I am pushing 39 this year but before all this my libido was pretty strong. I'm pretty healthy (not tooting my own horn here but people do tell me I look young, like in my 20's young :icon_redf lol). I mean I see guys who used to turn me on and nothing. Thinking about sex with anyone doesn't even register anymore. My guess is that it's stress and all in my head and that I should take it easy on myself but easier said than done.

    Posted this here to get some insight from the older guys. Maybe I'll post in the sexual health section too
     
  2. skiff

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    I am opposite. Libido much higher.
     
  3. SplitMyWishbone

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    well, I've just turned 59 and no libido for a year-even trying to masturbate or watching porn doesn't register in my brain to get me excited but this is due to medication side effects. I just think it is unusual at such a young age to be experiencing this without suspecting that there is a cause and effect operating here; perhaps you should see if it is physical or mental-see your primary care first and they may determine if it is stress and refer you out.
     
  4. UP88

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    I've always been skeptical of western doctors. Don't get me wrong, I do see the value in western medicine. I just also value a more holistic approach before drugs. That said, I'll have to talk to my naturopath.

    I guess I was trying to see if there was any insight from guys who came out and were older. Trying to see if the questioning affected them in anyway. The part that gets me is that I was masturbating and having sex with my girlfriend regularly before coming out. I think a big part for me is the questioning and the struggle with that...I dunno
     
  5. skiff

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    Hi,

    I know you mentioned a rare disorder that wiped you out. Can this condition be managed with lifestyle change in lieu of medication?

    Just asking for a good portion of your life this was not an issue. If it was me I would get a number of professional opinions from the best around.

    My father always taught us never to settle for local yocal doctors but to seek out the best in their fields in major cities.

    I wouldn't just settle if the treatment is messing up your life. Get more opinions.
     
  6. UP88

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    skiff- the illness that I had seems to have gotten better. The symptoms I had aren't present anymore but the problem there is I don't fully know how the illness has affected me. Obviously everything seems different but I'm not sure how/if the logic & problem solving parts of my brain have been affected. I feel ok but not sure how much I can trust that. I'm adamant about not going on prescription medication so up until now I've been managing without. When the illness struck, I definitely had to have people help me out but I'm on my own now and holding up.

    Now with the libido thing, I've been wondering if somehow internet porn addiction and the fact that I'm out (to a few people only) has something to do with it. In the past, being with my ex and porn were my sexual outlets. Watching porn a few times a week and getting off to it and having sex with my gf a few times a week were how i sexually survived. Part of the turn on was that I liked the fact the I was this sexual deviant and had a dark secret. So now that I'm out it's not that special anymore and doesn't serve the same function. I guess I'm trying to make that connection. I definitely don't think it's a health related thing but more a mental thing. I've masturbated to porn and can still get off but it's just not the same anymore.

    I do think I need some sort of reprise from internet sex. Thoughts?
     
  7. Jim1454

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    Hi there and welcome to EC.

    It think this probably has a lot to do with it. Especially in terms of having straight sex with your girlfriend. If you're letting your consciousness accept that you're gay, then it's going to be more difficult for you to engage in straight sex. And yes, the fact that you're not doing anything 'bad' by watching gay porn might mean that it doesn't provide the same kind of rush as it used to.

    Consider it a normalization phase. I think you'll get past it.
     
  8. HurtingInNC

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    I just came out to my wife last week and now I am going thru the same thing that you described. I feel like it might have been the deviant thing to a large degree and now that I am accepting of my behavior and who I am the "high" isn't the same.

    I could be wrong.
     
  9. malachite

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    It's mostly likely nerves. When I 1st started dating ym sex drive was kinda low, but that wasn't normal at all. As I got used to being with men, my libido returned to normal...then kinda went up.
     
  10. elandra

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    It means you are looking for something way deeper than just physical intimacy.

    I do not think there is something wrong with your body the problem is deep within your head...

    You are waiting for the right person to share your body with then everything will turn on again.

    I think you are tired of sharing yourself with the wrong people and getting nothing in return... so then the mind shuts the body off from such encounters as a safety mechanism to protect you from yourself.

    Pain and unrequited passion can do many things...
     
  11. EddyG

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    What elandra said.
     
  12. June Cleaver

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    In my 20's I lost a husband and went into a shell and quit having sex. I gt to where I never wanted it anymre. I am 40 btw, and at 34 Ken came into my life and I started to have sex again. My sex drive cam back stronger than ever when I met Mike. though I did not have sex with him for years after we met, all I had to do was think of him and I was all HOT AND BOTHERED! Now that he is mine, I could have sex with him 24/7 and never get tired! So once you meet the man who flips your swich your sex drive will come back. It is just in neutral due to what is happening in your life. Just think of it as a phase you are going through durring your transition. So don't worry, relax, and enjoy life because it will happen without you tring. If you focus on it, it will only make the problem worse due to anxiety. I think we all go through these sort of things, June