Being controlled

If the both of you bought the house then doesn't it belong to you too? Also, has she said why your son is not welcome? Did she ever say anything when he was coming to stay with (I assume) the two of you before you moved into the house?

 

Has she said anything about why she doesn't want him coming to your house? (I mean, I've known some 17 year olds I wouldn't want at my house.)

Definitely talk to her about this. Demand an explanation. If she wants to make this relationship work, she should be open with you if she has any concerns about your son.

 

Custody battles suck for all parties (child included!!) and no matter how old the child is. Does she realize that she is hurting all three of you with this choice of banishing your son because she feels hurt? The boy lived with you two!! Doesn’t she think of him as part of her just as you are a part of her? One is your kid, one is your love. She should trust you can distinguish between the two of them. I could almost follow her being this way if he has never lived with you guys before, but objecting weekends? Very sorry she is putting you through this. (*hug*)

 

When someone makes me choose, I always choose the other person. (I don't mean between partners, necessarily--I think people are within their rights to want exclusivity with a partner. But if a partner is trying to make me choose between them and my friends or family, or if a friend is saying she won't be my friend if I'm friends with someone else, or anything like that, the person forcing the issue is the one who loses.)

Tell her that your son is your family, and your family comes with you, take it or leave it. Explain that SHE is the one making that choice, and not you. She knew you had a son when you got together. Don't let her put it on you.

 

This is abusive behavior. Get out and away from her as fast as humanly possible.

 

How horrible !!
I just cannot believe what I just read. She can't threaten you like this by saying that you want to end this whole relationship. It is not only controlling, it is wrong and can't be used as a valuable argument. Please, for your own good, ask her again and calmly what are her reasons. Your partner has to be really clear about her motives. And YOU two. It is your child, you want him part of your life just as much as you want her part of it too.

How come this reaction of her came right after you bought the house ? It is unfair (and I would prefer to use the word cruel). Be clear, ask her the real questions : there's a child in the middle of the problem for gods sake. Oh and I bet your boy isn't that bad...

Woa. What a story. Keep us updated. Don't let her controle you too much, it'll drag everyone in this situation down.

Good luck.

 

I personally think that she should be ashamed of herself for expecting you to choose her over your child, and you should NOT be choosing her over your child. Senior year is a tough year as it is, and think of the void that it'll cause when you try to tell him that he can't come visit his mother because her girlfriend doesn't want him there. He's your son, and there's a responsibility in that.

 

I'm going to be extremely frank with you, and it very well may piss you off. I'm sorry if it does.

You aren't going to convince her. She is showing no respect for you what so ever. None. She is being emotionally and psychologically abusive.

People who love abd respect you DO NOT, under ANY circumstances try to come between you and your child.

People who love you and respect you DO NOT try to erase your history. EVER. They celebrate you for who you are and what you've lived through.

At the VERY LEAST you need to get into couples counseling right now. Tomorrow, next week. As soon as possible, because it sounds like she is systematically trying to destroy your will and sense of self.

I'm guessing you worked really hard to develop those two things in order to accept yourself and come out of the closet. So they're likely still new and fragile. Don't give them up already.

(*hug*)

 

How the hell could a person say that ESPECIALLY TO THEIR OWN PARTNER. Theirs enough hate in this world NOBODY needs it at home and heart. Honestly i'd tell her to fuck off and that i need to see my son. But you can't tell your partner that, or can you hmmm. I'm sorry this isn't really my forte but i had to post something because that's totally absurd.

 

You don't get her to realize, because she knows exactly what she's doing. Why would you want to be in a relationship that feels like you have to hide who you are again?

 

Woah, wait a minute. She is trying to change you and get rid of your past? She is basically forcing you to become a different person. That is not love. That is control. I dated a woman like that, and it did not get better. The relationship ended very badly and now we no longer talk. I ruined years of my life doing what she wanted me to do. I skipped prom, ditched a lot of friends, and hurt a lot of people because of her. It got so bad that she wouldn't let me go to the tanning bed, wear my 2nd set of earrings in my lobes, or even hug other people. She promised me a lot of things, and continued to break her promises. If I could go back, I would've had a bigger backbone.

She is trying to keep you from your son because she is hurt by his decision, and your son is a constant reminder to her that you were once with a man. I'm sorry, but she needs to grow up. Shit happens and she shouldn't try to make you change. Your son is young, and she should know better. Please do yourself a favor and get out now. I promise, it will only get worse.

 

Take it from me, and do as Chip says; as someone who has been married to

a manipulative psycho bitch

...there is no changing her. It is a classical halmark of abuse to isolate the one being abused from their loved ones, their hobbies and their friends.

It WON'T get better with her!

 

Yeah...unfortunately, Chip is right. This is not a healthy relationship. I've been in a relationship that wasn't healthy, and time didn't make it better, it only got worse and more emotionally abusive, and it was bad. Get out. Fast.

 

Yes, Chip is correct. I would only switch one thing...

Tell the psycho bitch to get out, bring your son in, and then settle the house.

No reason for you to be homeless.

Homeless is perfect for psycho bitch though.

Turn about, she gets out!

---------- Post added 11th Apr 2013 at 10:00 AM ----------

How long did you know this woman before you bought a house?

This is a good lesson for all of us with children. If your new partner doesn't want your children, or to assume the role of step-parent/friend to your child they don't want you either.

Even if your children are adults would you want to be cut off from your grandchildren?