Hi everyone, first of all this is a fantastic community thank everyone that actually gives some advice. Now im an 18 year old male and I've had same sex experiences such as oral with a guy a few times, to be honest it wasn't that I liked the taste or feeling but more of the submission. This was at 16 and has been eating be up for many years prior to that I was dating a lovely girl who was just perfect and she refused to have sex ever until marriage the one time we did I felt very excited. Upon her telling me the news my cousin male showed me his penis and I took this as an opportunity to experiment. I hated myself not just guilt but also disgust and regret till 6 am in the morning he wanted to again. I tried but just couldn't I found it disgusting. I told my gf and she dumped me after months of begging and clinginess I did it again as I thought oh well its over and at this point I would do it to tell a girl about it. Then she told me she is bi and we wanted to have sex with eachother. One day I snapped and said I miss having a gf I want to have sex with a girl and since that day 2 years ago don't want to sew my cousin. I dated a girl we had sex she dumped me and my doubting began. I've been doubtiwfor 7 months. Until today I thought ok im hetroromantic bisexual because I've had so many serious heart racing crushes on girls and absolutely none on guys, today I recalled that I held his hand while giving oral and this signifies romance so im not hetroromantic. I am repulsed by my past and don't want it to ever repeat because when I remember I just spit out and wipe my mouth over and over but I nay just be in denial. What do you think. I also have crushes on girls but feel worthless
It's very possible that these feelings of disgust come from cheating on your previous girlfriend. Though you shouldn't confuse hand holding in a sexual sanario as a legitimate sign of romantic attraction. Unless you can get attached emotionally and fall in love with a male, you're probably just curious. You need to have feelings of intimacy that go beyond initial attraction and sexual desire. Nobody can really tell you what you are though. Only you are completely sure of how you feel, so think about all the advise on this you receive, and think it over.
Sorry to be explicit but even during mastrubation I think about my crush and I force gay thoughts but it doesn't work only thing im dying of confusion about is hand holding why else would I have done it. I also did say do you want a boyfriend but when he said yes I was like that's abit weird it was like a taboo thrill thing but im lost
Well the forcing gay thoughts might give you a good hint there. There could have been many reasons for holding his hand. For some, hand holding intensifies the act of sex. It makes an intimate moment even more intimate. It doesn't necessarily mean there are hidden feelings behind it. Do you think that maybe you want to be homosexual?
No I absolutely wish I can be with a girl I know and I think she is perfect. But that exactly what it is holding his hand was to make it more thrilling and it wasn't a sign of I love you, and I do remember wanting to be bi because it was thrilling but not gay. Maybe im just in denial people on this forum constantly talk about denial
So, you want a relationship with a female, but don't mind sex with either gender? I think your self-classification as a heteroromantic bisexual is fine. However, I am a little confused what happened with your ex's cousin. Did you two have sex just because you saw his genitalia? I don't mean to judge or pry but I think you were acting purely on lust instead of your sexual orientation. It seems to me that because you are looking for a relationship with a female so just keep going for that. I hope you can feel better about yourself. Remember that you can't change your past. Look to how you can make future relationships!
I agree that your feelings of disgust might have spawned at least partially from cheating on your girlfriend, and perhaps even the spontaneity of the sex you two had. I don't think it's a good idea to get hung up on the hand-holding thing. Trying to search for a hidden feeling that may have caused it probably won't get you anywhere. I think you should to look at the long-term trends in your feelings (sexual or romantic) for men and women to find an answer. I do hope you're able to sort out all of your feelings.
