I've been seeing this guy for about a year know. We both come from a very rural area and are forced into our closets by religion and fears about our parents. We are both seniors at the same school and gets to the part of the year where everyone is thinking about prom. I went last year and so did he, but it was before we started to get to know each other. I was not impressed with it, and since I can't openly take him without exposing both of our secrets I don't really want to go. I'd much rather go hangout with him and catch a movie or something. My boyfriend however has decided that he wants to go. And he wants to take one of his friends who I know has a big crush on him. A few months ago there was this big joke that they were in a fake relationship. He is not out to anyone of his friends either which didn't help. He started hiding texts from me and doing things on a social network I wasn't one. I eventually found out and confronted him about it. He said that it was a big joke which I am inclined to believe, but it was still joking about dating this girl who likes him. It hurts my feelings that he wants to go to prom with her especially after the inconsiderate joke he took part in. Advice on how to handle this? I'm at a loss.
You should definitely talk to him about this. But first you have to understand that circumstances can make humans do things that are contrary to what they really want. Your boyfriend might be tempted by what a straight life has to offer - being able to bring a girl to prom, being able to show her off, being able to live conventionally in society. It is advisable that you ask him if this temptation is greater than the love he has for you. If it is, then you might want to consider your future with him. If it's not, and if it's only a moment's temptation, you might want to consider letting him entertain such temptations if you truly think he is worth it. Like I said, sometimes humans do a lot of things that they don't really want. If he really loves you, then he'll come back to you in the end, and I'm sure you can convince him to make it up to you everytime he falls for such temptations.
Thank you for the thoughtful and insightful advice. It's something we're going to talk about and work out. I feel more comfortable with my sexuality than he does and Im learning i neeed, and have to respect and understand his level of comfort and what type of relationship he wants and what fits us both. Thank you again for the advice. It's nice to hear from someone. This is my first experience with starting a forum and I treasure your reply! Thanks!
Hi, Welcome to Empty Closets! I think you should talk to your boyfriend seriously--including about the potential impact this will have on the girl's feelings. He should seriously consider going as friends with someone who does NOT have feelings for him. If he goes with this girl, it will only be hurtful to her in the end. The joke also seems kind of cruel to me in that regard. Her feelings are real and should be treated seriously. I went with a group of friends to prom, both times. None of us had dates. We had a blast. I strongly recommend seeing if you can get a group to go stag, or whatever. Both sexes. Super fun. Rent a limo for the group, and split the cost. All the fun of prom without the awkward dating aspect, when you aren't in a relationship with the person who is your assigned "date." I think I had a million times more fun than I would have had with a date, unless the person was someone I really had feelings for and was already comfortable with.
