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How you overcame your prejudice against X group

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by PurpleCrab, Feb 20, 2013.

  1. PurpleCrab

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    You were prejudiced, knew it, and overcame it. How did that happen? I'd like inspiring stories that might help other people to overcome theirs :slight_smile:



    I'll start by stating that I was immensely prejudiced about hard drug addicted people who sell their bodies in order to get their dose. It was just the type of people I wanted as far away from me as possible because I didn't know how to interact with them as the addiction controls them completely, therefore that defines them as being the opposite from being reliable.
    Well, I've met a woman responsible for a trans support group. It's her thing to help groups that most need it, and she mentioned that she used to help those drug addicts who sell their bodies, before. I asked her please tell me how and why you do it. I was very conscious of my prejudices and honestly wanted to open my mind, and she told me:
    That those people won't stop consuming if they don't want to stop, but they still have human needs for respect and such. That what she did is she plainly asked them what they wanted and she could count on them to make honest efforts in that direction.
    It clicked, in my mind. That to overcome the prejudice, I only had to accept their addiction as part of who they are.
    From that point on I can honestly say that I wouldn't run away so fast anymore. I'm not prejudice-free to the point of trusting them to be reliable, true, but I'm now open enough to see that there's more to them than the addiction (and that their means of relieving it). It's a huge step forward to me.
     
  2. gordilocks

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    because i realised i was being a piece of shit & needed to change
     
  3. BudderMC

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    I'll come back to this thread in like a month. I'm taking a class on the psychology of stereotypes/prejudice/discrimination right now and it's not done yet!

    In general though, if you want to change your prejudices you need to be both aware that you have prejudices against a group and that you know they're not necessarily accurate. If you aren't willing to change, you won't be able to. Even if you are willing to change, it's still not easy.

    That's all I know so far. :frowning2:
     
  4. OMGWTFBBQ

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    well. l guess l'm not prejudiced against drug addicts but what you thought about them isn't untrue. They aren't reliable and they are not in control of their being.

    l think coming from a family of entirely too many only reinforced that view for me, when you've had your electronics sold for their benefit it's hard to think otherwise.

    But, l never hated them and still don't. l'm not sure if l view them entirely as "real people", l don't think they'e meaningless but l don't trust them.

    The addiction is a behavior born out of something that isn't organic to the person so l don't see why l should accept the addict as an entire "person". l would and still do treat them with humility.

    l don't understand the need to embrace everyone but l don't think of them as any different from most people who are dealing with something beyond their control. l don't think that means victims of society desperately require my acceptance.

    There is a widespread kind of suffering that's found in all sorts of people, l don't single them out specifically because of the drug addiction but l do distance myself from them because they are suffering types who l do not believe are ever going to recover.

    lf they prove me wrong l'l accept it, it's not about me being right. lt's about me wanting them out my immediate reality lol.

    l used to resent rich people. l probably still do but l understand that they're just people with money. Half the time born into it and other times they ended up with so much accidentally or are just very driven and shouldn't be resented.
     
    #4 OMGWTFBBQ, Feb 20, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2013
  5. Eatthechildren

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    I wouldn't call it a prejudiced, but for years I was afraid of men. Boys? Fine. Guys my age? Fine. But apart from a couple of uncles, men made me really uncomfortable. I didn't have a reason to be afraid of them. I just was.
    It got better over time. I'm not scared anymore, and I still don't know why I was in the first place. I do know one of my younger cousins won't talk to any men, apart from her dad though, so... Genetics? Idkjhgfrdesw4r5t6y7u8i9
     
  6. Deaf Not Blind

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    I HATE X-GROUP!

    hahaha! Just had to. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  7. PurpleCrab

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    Ok, another one:

    I used to be very prejudiced against women. Yes, I admit it, I had mommy issues. I was greatly attracted by the wrong type of women too, the ones whom some part of me knew they would be real bitches (while my active consciousness didn't register that info).
    Being irresistibly attracted while, let's say it, hating them had me feel very helpless, which added to the prejudice, and I kept feeding it.
    However I knew that I was prejudiced and that I had to be wrong on this one. I really wanted to see women otherwise, with a more open mind.
    What it took was mostly recognizing where that fear of mine came from (mommy issues) and taking time to analyze my past relationships with my head, the one on my shoulders, you know. Then I did something different; I became more picky and I tried a relationship with a new type of woman. She proved all my prejudices wrong just by being herself. Guess what, I married her.

    Haha.
     
  8. tulman

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    Don't confuse likes and dislikes with prejudice and hate. There are groups of people or individuals I just don't call friends, hang out with, avoid or refuse to associate with for various reasons but never simply because of something like birth circumstances. I want to hang out and make friends with those I have things in common with. That's not prejudice.
     
  9. PurpleCrab

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    Of course! That works when you're talking about individuals though. Prejudice is about assuming that somebody (or a group of people) are different, not as worthy or whatever than the rest of people. We're not talking about you not wanting to hang around Julie whom you can't ever agree on a single thing with. If you didn't want to hang around Julie because she's a redhead, that's be a prejudice though.
     
  10. stuffiscool

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    Gays, asexuals, trans* folks: I realized their identities don't hurt anyone and are out of their control.

    Bisexuals: I realized I had attraction to men.

    Men: I realized not all men are aggressive, lusty, stonecold brutes.

    Liberals: I became one.

    Stoners: I realized consumption with moderation doesn't mean you join the dark side.

    Non-Christians: I became one.

    Criminals: I read "Preveting Violence" by James Gilligan and proceeded to cry for the rest of my life.

    People against social justice: Still hateful.

    White people: Still hateful. (I'm white myself though)

    Psychopaths: I realized they didn't choose brains which can't process empathy.
     
  11. Pret Allez

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    I would say that I had mild prejudice against women, people of color, and trans* folks. I would say the right things and vote all the right ways, but I still harbored some views I'm rather ashamed of.

    I solved every one of these prejudices with research. Google is the reason that I overcame my biases in those respects and became a feminist.

    I might add that nobody overcame any biases ever by posting troll threads on forums where they pretend to want to work through their biases and "need help," but when people come in to educate them, they just argue or refuse to acknowledge what they say.
     
  12. Caudex

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    That's not really a prejudice if you ask me.
    Here's how I define it: A prejudice is a judgement you make about someone for something for which they were not responsible or they cannot control.

    Since drug addicts originally made a decision to use drugs, judging addicts is not really a problem, since someone addicted to drugs will often have less of a view of the future. (Yes, I realize that sometimes it's the environment in which you grow up, but still.)

    As for women, that's not really something they control. So that's an unfair prejudice.

    As for how to get over them, I find experience is the best helper, as Pret Allez said. Gay people freaked me out at first because I wasn't used to them. But I'm getting better about that. Just get to know the people.
     
  13. OMGWTFBBQ

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    xD l'm glad l'm not the only asshole on the planet lol.

    Really, l can't, though. l do understand when a person has a problem they are struggling to control and actually l have never and will never go out of my way to judge them.

    But l don't a feel need to embrace these types, l guess. These "types" being self destructive types. What do l gain from it? Why is it different than all the struggles everyone else has(and usually aren't publicizing anyway)?

    lf l thought l could help or something then l'd see the benefit, l don't think l can or that l should help unless it's a life or death situation thrown into my hands for some reason. And even if l did l'm not sure l'd feel validated.

    Now, if l decided that l didn't like a person who was struggling with something beyond their control that was say, cancer, l would concede being a piece of shit and end it lol.
     
    #13 OMGWTFBBQ, Feb 21, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2013
  14. PurpleCrab

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    I see what you mean as I remember some treads like that. Some of them are obviously trolling to stir anger and argumentation, while I think others are just waiting for the "right" words (words they can understand) to be told to them.
    I sometimes tell that to my wife, when she tries over and over to make me understand a point and I'm still clueless (yes we have very deep conversations me and her). When she finally finds the right words for me, I'm like, Ahhh!! NOW I get it. Often times it's about giving a life example I can identify with.

    Just a little addition about hard drug addicts... I still avoid to be friends with them or even attached, and wouldn't invite them in my home for practicality's sake. I know what the common outcomes are. But I no longer believe that they have nothing interesting to say or have nothing to bring to society. I no longer believe that they have to recover in order to be a complete and respectable person again. I no longer believe that they forcibly put themselves in that situation by choice ( often times they were simply weak credible people whose weakness has been used to manipulate them). I think that's as far as I will go when we're talking about my prejudices against those people.


    So far, what I read of how you guys got rid of your prejudices is mostly by informing yourself better or by stepping in the group's shoes (becoming what you were prejudiced about).
     
  15. I don't think I'm prejudiced, there are just some groups that don't deserve to be tolerated. ie: fundamentalists.
     
  16. plasticcrows

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    I hate everyone.
     
  17. June Cleaver

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    For the first 23 years of my life it was black men. It stemmed from being assulted by one as a young child in a public restroom. I have no memory of the event, but my parents connected the dots for me when I was 23. I overcame it at 23 when my husband at the time moved us into a black area of town. I was terified to go out the door to my car and I had to admit to him I was petrified of all black men. So he talked to my parents about it and they told us what had happened. So he helped me get past it by introducing me around the neighborhood and to my suprise we were accepted. The black men in the neighborhood viewed us as a manority too and watched out for me while he was at work. As usuial most of them treated me like a lady almost right away. I realized men are men no matter what color. A few times the guys who lived real close stopped trouble from non-neighbor blacks who saw whitey in the wrong neighborhood. Our neighbors before long were BBQing with us and acting just like good neighbors. Though I grew-up and came from a large house on the bay on Davis Islands (the most exclusive neighborhood in Tampa) to 40th street. I found out then most of us out here are part of the most important family of all, Americans. The 6 months we lived there nobody touched my convertable or stole anything or even treated me bad. It was a life changing event for me. June