I'll try to keep the background short. I ran from home in Iowa and lived with my Dad in NC for 5ish months last summer. Decided enough was enough with what he was trying to pull and moved back to Iowa in November. But I did get a boyfriend who is in college during my time there and really connected with him. I do love him a lot and I know he is crazy for me, and a lot happened during the time, so we got REALLY close. But when I left I overreacted and tried to leave behind everything, including him, to get back to my old life, which I feel terrible about now. I considered myself single for the longest time, until recently when I realized what a terrible thing I had done by ignoring him, called him up, and apologized for everything, etc. Now we're back, totally head over heels super gay for each other. But now for the decision part. He's finishing his master's degree this summer and has a house and job lined up. He wants me to move in with him, and either "take a break" from school or finish high school online. Basically, become his gay housewife. I really love him so much and want this so badly, but I have/had my own ambitions... I wanted to go college and get a Psy.D or something nice.. I don't really care so much about it anymore but I just am having a hard time coming to grips with what will happen if I do. It feels like my life is kind of ending...I guess not really ending, but finishing. I'm not sure if I'm ready to finish at 16, but I want it so badly. It's hard to explain. I'm emancipated, so I can move in with and marry who I want, so the law and parents are of no matter. I know a lot of people here are all about the age thing, but please save the lecture, my beliefs are a bit different. It's not like he's old enough to be my father or anything. So, do I become the stay at home partner of a stable, successful man who I love deeply, or do I keep trying to find my own path, like every other person my age? Nothing is set in stone either, it's not like I throw my old life away if I move in with him...I can always go back. I do plan on at least finishing high school online if I go with him so that college is always an option. Just hoping for thoughts and opinions.
Don't go. Stay in school. You have SO many life experiences still to have before settling down with someone - and this would have you miss them... And whether you wanted to hear it or not, look to date someone your own age. Someone who is 10 years or so older than you when you're 36 (or even 26) isn't such a big deal as compared to when you're 16. I'm not sure what a masters student really saw in a 15 year old. No offense - but why wouldn't he be dating someone his own age?!? So for that reason as well I'd suggest you stay the course and not move in with him.
I'm with Jim on this one. Its a big deal to do with the age. You have to ask yourself why this guy isn't talking to anyone his age. If he genuine he loves u then he will understand a decision to stay home. I think u should finish school and find a way to support yourself. I'm not sure how well the relationship is working but think... what if he gets tired of supporting me? He hasn't done it before; what if he tries to find someone who can support themselves and gets rid of me. Its a rough truth but. Trust me, just because someone rolls out the red carpet welcome to you doesn't mean you should jump on it. I speak from experience. My last relationship ended in me getting kicked out because I broke up with him for cheating. Odd, but ppl are strange. And u don't know just yet if this guy isn't crazy.
I probably should clarify the age thing...he's not 10 years older, but about 6 years, getting his masters somewhat early. I know that's still a lot at this age, but I feel like it isn't a problem, especially considering all the girls I know with even older boyfriends. They're only interested in sex and getting a feeling of independence from their overprotective parents, however, and I know that neither of those are motivation for me. But I know I'll never be able to justify it to some people, so I'll be quiet. I do agree with the missing out on things though, and that's what I'm most afraid of. But I'm also afraid of missing out on this... I hear all these stories of how lonely gay people are, and how they can never find suitable partners, and I just feel like I'm so lucky to have found someone. I have never really liked anyone else beyond small crushes in high school, and I don't want to live with knowing I passed up "the one" or whatever you'd call it. I can and practically do support myself already, and I'm finishing high school no matter where I go.
Hi there! I am in agreement with Jim. Finish your high school, study what you wanted to study in the first place. Don't end your education. Have you given it some thought to the possibility it not working out? What happens then? You will have a mountain to climb getting back on track with your life. All of what you wanted to do is still ahead of you, while your boyfriend is living his dream. As you said, when you move in with him, you are going to be the stay-home partner. Why on earth would you want that? I wouldn't be surprised if you would also find yourself staying at home more often than your boyfriend especially when he is out and having a good time with his friends. I really wonder what a 16 year old and a 26 year old have in common. My guess is that something else beneath the surface is going on here. If you look at where your boyfriend is at in his life, and where you are, there is a world of difference between the two of you. When you say, "I'm not sure if I'm ready to finish at 16" there is something to this. This is your instinct talking. Listen to that voice.
Part of growing up is living on your own. Not with a lover, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife. (roomies ok!) As Jim said, stay in school. Do what you need to to be financially independent. Live on your own. And be that way a while before you move in with the person you might want to be with forever. This is all about building your future. When you have the strength to be on your own, then you'll have what it takes to be with someone and move in with them. This is your time to learn and grow. Do that for yourself. (and yes, I'm a Dad, so have seen this not only from the perspective of my peers, but from the kids of my peers and my kids, too) Peace
you can move in with him after you finish your high school and continue your college later on i know being with him is part of your perfect dream but your perfect life is not complete without your career and ambitions. you should never even think of leaving your career behind. talk to him and explain to him about it. as he loves you i m sure he ll understand love is a great thing but life does require a lot more and its imp to have ones own identity who knows how great you wil become one day. he ll be nothing but proud of you if he really loves you so talk to him and please dont give up studies for him. finish high school . then move in and study further there itself
On the grand scale of things, if he is 6 years older or 10 years older, it doesn't make a lot of a difference. Your life experiences are already a world apart. Once he has a job, that pulls it even further apart because through the job he will be exposed to new things that will shape his view on life, which you won't have a few more years. Alone the difference in life experiences can create a strain on a relationship, because different life experiences create different expectations. If this is what underpins (partially) your desire to be with him and to continue the relationship, I can tell you that you really don't need to worry about missing out on something. There is a place and time for everything. There are social activity/community involvement things you can do to make it easier to get to know others and eventually find someone. Don't gamble with your future. Have you talked with him about it all?
The point I was trying to get across earlier was that I'm not throwing my old life away or necessarily gambling my future if I move in with him. My Dad is required to pay at least 2/3 of my college tuition because of some divorce agreement if I ever decide to go (he's pretty wealthy), I'm still welcome at my Dad's house not far from his in NC, and I'll ALWAYS be welcome at my Mom's house. I've decided I will definitely finish high school online if I go to his house, and I'm going to talk to him about doing online college classes and possibly some at the nearby university.
Well I'm glad that you're planning to continue your education. But why wouldn't you be able to go to high school in person where you're moving to? Why wouldn't you go to university in person as well? Why this talk about doing it online?
Though yet you have mentioned the following: There is something to these thoughts and perhaps worries. If you are not sure, most of the time it is because there something that doesn't feel right. Something is off. Before you make a decision, make sure you know what that is.
I agree with Jim - why would you have to do it online? The first thing that springs to my mind is that your bf is ashamed of you for being so young and he doesn't want you seen in a school because that'd make him feel weird or something. But then what do I know. I got into a long term relationship at 16 and until recently I was pretty happy. I think it can work but not if there are any problems to start with. You'd have to both be completely happy with the situation or resentment would grow.
He suggested I could finish it with him or drop out because he just wanted whatever I would prefer. The online part is simply for convenience, my current high school already has online classes available and I could easily switch to them, I could graduate next year with them since I'm far ahead on credits, and I'm not too fond of the high school there since I did attend it for a few months.
OK - well you seem to have this all figured out and not really interested in the fact that we didn't think this was a good idea... I'm not sure why you asked.
I'm just scared. I'm not disregarding any of the advice I've gotten, and I thank everyone for their input. I just tend to overthink everything and try to figure everything out. I keep trying to justify it to everyone else because I'm really just trying to justify it to myself. I don't think it's the best idea either, and I know what I SHOULD do is what you've said. It's just so hard to let go.
As long as you're doing everything in your power to watch your own back. I don't see a problem. Still, be careful. :3
Hi there! As said before, try to listen to your instincts.You know that something doesn't feel right with this. It could be that at 16 you are not ready for something like this. In essence, moving in with him, entails changing your life to a degree that you might not be prepared for yet, which is totally fine. Even though you have been somewhat independent, moving in with him still throws you into a whole new ball game. Take a step back. If you have to work hard at trying to justify it to yourself, that is another reason to say, 'maybe I'm not ready for something like this.' It's hard to let go of what you thought things are going to be like. But letting go doesn't mean that things aren't going to work out in the future. (*hug*)
I think you are so right in what you have been saying. There's just that feeling in my gut telling me I'm not ready, and I've decided I'm not going to move in with anyone until that goes away. There's so many thoughts and confusions right now that I can't pin any precise reasons as to why, but the bottom line is that I know I'm not ready because of what my instincts are telling me.
You could move in and go to regular highschool. There are options. I usually think teens in long term relationships like that isnt mature but i have met some couples who did what you did and are together years later. Moving there isn't the whole thing. I mean your happiness also depends on what you decide to do when you are there; school, maybe work, find friends.
