The Lowest I've Ever Felt

You shouldn't be trying to start a relationship yet in any case. It's too soon, the wound is too raw. And I honestly don't really think you'll get back together, unfortunately. But I'm also a big believer in hedging my bets and trying to plan for the supposedly unexpected,even if that means thinking uncomfortable thoughts.

Given his behavior and what you've posted so far, I'm concerned he may try to harm himself and he needs professional help to deal with that. You shouldn't blame yourself if he does try something and if he does turn up in your life again and want to get back together you need to be firm about him getting help (and/or sticking with it) before anything like that can happen. As you say, it's not fair or good for you to have to go through this every so many months and that's no way to build a relationship. Anyway.

Give yourself some time to grieve and then some time to heal and then try to focus on doing some other stuff for a while. Work, maybe hanging with friends. Maybe even a trip, not to do a 'gaycation' like we talked about before (unless you feel like it) but just to get away for a bit. Winter in OH strikes me as likely to be less than fun and with an Xmas break coming up maybe you could swing a trip somewhere sunny and tropical (at least compared to OH). Of course if you just love winter and snow and such, by all means ignore that last bit

Do you have any chocolate in the house? Not advocating you going on an eating binge, but chocolate can help release endorphins IIRC and can actually make you feel a bit better. Maybe have your favorite candy bar or chocolate treat, along with renting or watching your favorite uplifting/positive/not going to remind you of the situation movie? Just to take your mind of things.

And don't give up on yourself or on meeting someone. You sound like a great guy with a lot to offer. It may not seem like it just now, but your time will come. Honest.

Take care,

Todd

 

I really feel sorry about how being gay or anything non hetero is still such a huge problem in many parts of America (More so than in Europe AFAIK), extending far enough to have you fear for your job...

I'm sorry you're in this situation.

But would you live a happy life that way?
Would you be happy and satisfied yourself?
Wouldn't it be extremely unfair to your female partner?

We're living in the year 2014.
The world should be able to deal with you being gay. There should be nothing stopping you from being gay in the open (Well you don't have to rub it in everyones face), and I'm sad there are things that do.

But it's the way you are.
A living a life where I deny my true self and orientation would be hell for me.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't even suggest it. I'd rather go through any hardships and deal with any gobshites that hate on me for it than live a lie.

 

Ohioguy05,
I read your initial post months ago and for some reason I never responded. But Aktodd was here, with his cute white doggies avatar and his trusty and well thought out advice. So I wasn't worried. I've read some really awesome words of wisdom offered to a lot of people on here from him.

But now I guess I'll take a stab at it myself and see what happens. What is my opinion?
Well, first things first, take all yyour Disney movies and that Jerry McGuire "had you at hello" crap and throw it in a pile, lob a molotov cocktail at it and laugh maniacally while it burns. Yes I read you like Disney, but do it anyway. All that Disney "waiting for my prince charming" crap is just like all the sugar and caffeine in a carbonated beverage...it's bad for you. It takes a lot more than simply slaying a dragon to win your prince.

Besides that those cute, furry little Disney characters have no genitals and tthey're all just too happy and too eager to be cheerful and sing a happy song. It's just too creepy, sounds like a damn cult if you ask me.

Instead, make your own book, write the title of the book to be, "Finding my prince charming"...
(Ironic titles ROCK!)

Now open the book and on the left side...The "past" side print out a copy of this thread, detailing your past boyfriend experiences since your first post. Put the printout there. On the right side..."the future"...put a mirror there. Look in the mirror at yourself and relax.
Now if you ever get to feeling sad or depressed, or you feel like your self worth hinges on your relationship status to the point where you doubt yourself and wonder how soon it will be before you "ruin it again". You can look at your book, one of many of your own life's stories and be comforted.
You can know that your doing just fine and that you're simply in the middle of your own story. And we all know a good story doesn't start with a happy ending, nor do we buy books that only have the happy ending final chapter printed. Yeah, it's trite, but it really is the journey after all. And wouldn't it be more positive to Guage each failed relationship you've had as another chapter read, another step closer to just after that third act climax you're waiting for?
Just like any good story the hero will at times feel despair and sadness. He'll feel his hope and strength draining from him. But even in real life, something or someone always swoops in at the last moment to save him so he can learn from his mistakes, gaining wisdom and courage from his experience so he can live to fight another day and face that yet unforeseen ultimate challenge. Even if sometimes the person that swoops in to save you...is yourself.

So don't put on that mouse-ears hat, cut your genitals off and join that happy songs cult just yet. Because I think you'll find out, at some point on the other side of that mirror- - your future, when you do face that ultimate challenge, which maybe for you means a husband and kids, that it was the journey which prepared you for it.
GOOD LUCK!

Is that it? Really?
Um mm Yes. Of course, it's no where near that simple. You have a lot of prejudice from family, friends and work to overcome. You have a lot of experience to gain in your relationships....As I do myself....so don't think you're alone there. But look in that mirror and have faith. Instead of letting each experience drag you down, find a way to learn from it and move forward. As I was reading your posts, that was one thing I kept seeing was the experiences you went through were at time very sad and hard to deal with that "no spark" factor. But I didn't read anything out of the ordinary, (nothing there which all the rest of us hasn't faced or will face) other than you might come off slightly "clingy" at times...which is natural and normal for someone without a lot of dating experience. As a teacher you know part of learning anything new is repetition and practice. So try not to look at your love life as if your on a plane and each time you lose a boyfriend another engine dies and now you've only got one left and it's running hot. Instead, build on those experiences. love yourself first, be confident in who you are and see yourself at one point in a line - or on one page in the middle of a book. ; p.
And yeah, as general advice, I think that last part can't be said enough. To love, trust and be happy and comfortable and confident within yourself first. Let your future boyfriend be the icing on an already great cake...which you are. But don't let him be like a salve to a wound or a bandaid for yourself esteem.
Alright now go blast some Pat Benatar (oor whatever is equivalent to your generation to some rockin' out jam that makes you feel ready to take on the world) and go have an awesome day!
GOOD LUCK AGAIN!

 

I'll add a couple more thoughts to the mix.

- My past experience is that a lot of guys on the on-line dating sites are flaky. Guys I met on-line often pulled the same crap, of things going along fine and then just breaking up/disappearing. The on-line 'dating' thing is more conducive to short-term hookups than long-term relationships. Some of the guys on hookup sites may pretend to be after a relationship, but really in their heart just want short-term flings. The more relationship-oriented guys seem to be in other venues (gay social groups).

- If you have a repeated pattern of similar breakups, you may want to discuss this in detail with a therapist. You may unknowingly be playing a role or reinforcing a pattern that undermines the relationship. Doing this work now will help with depression, as well as improve how you relate to the next guy who comes along.