What Are You Thinking?

Officially declaring marriage between 2 men.
Yes I’m heterophobic. I believe in the gay bible.

Adam and Steve not Adam and Eve.

 

How have I only joined EC after lurking for practically two years??

Why am I wasting my life away doing nothing?

How do you make an Ubuntu bootable USB stick on a Mac??

Is there a better model to capitalism?

Why am I on a Classical Music spree?

Do I have OCD?

I think I might have OCD?

Has my dad found out about my sexuality?

What is DOMA and "prop 8"?

 

So...I don't think I even know what to do with myself sometimes.

 

I had to take a test this morning because it was not able to be put off, and there was no way I could make it up. I take it, and I head over to the doctor's office. I had to get my meningitis booster shot, but I also had questions about certain things.

When I got there, the nurse at the front desk hadn't scheduled our appointment at nine o'clock, but eight o'clock. I missed my appointment because of my test and miscommunication between the nurse and myself. I specifically told her what time I needed to make the appointment.

Now we have put the NEXT appointment NEXT Friday. This is really pissing me off. Stress levels through the MILKY WAY GALAXY. I was so nervous about talking to my doctor today, too. I got a C on a math test, which I am NOT proud of.

I wish we had cures for most common diseases and cures for the most serious diseases.

 

Sometimes I feel really lost in this world. The way people view things, the way they interpret what I say, their reactions to my thoughts, the ways things are. I stand there and have the same feeling I had when I realised I had no idea where I was, could not go back to where I had been but did not know how to get to somewhere else. That's how I feel most of the time when interacting with people. Lost without a clue on how to move forward, go backwards, or even step sidewards.
Hmm.

 

I'm so tired... so, so, so tired. But I'm good. Things are going well.

I really want to come out to both my mum and brother sometime tomorrow (or, well, later today...), concurrently. Just get it over with, even though both of them know. Make it official, so to speak.

At least my brother's been really supportive this whole time, and helped me pick out clothes and men's body spray so I can be an ultimate douchebag. I'm kidding, it was pretty nice of him. He's been using correct pronouns, has been treating me a bit more like a "bro," and he's intrigued with the peculiar things I have to do in order to "pass." If only both of my parents were as acknowledging as him, I'd be on cloud nine. This whole experience, and his acceptance is helping with my dysphoria from crashing into me like a tidal wave.

I'm going to shake and become very apprehensive about officially admitting myself to the two most important people in my life (mainly anxious about my mother's reaction), but it just needs to be done. I need it to be official. Wish me luck within a few hours. I'll probably procrastinate on it until late afternoon.

 

Thinking of you and wishing you as much luck as I can possibly muster!!! You'll do great! (*hug*) GOOD LUCK!

 

Thank you!! I'm sure all will go well, but some extra luck can't hurt.
(*hug*)

 

thinking about how being gay really is mixed bag. you meet amazing people but its difficult with the family also thinking about grilled cheese sandwiches D:

 

Really, really, really, hoping things go well this evening at the LGBT center. [Looks knowingly at non-existent manifestation of depressive tendencies.]

 

I am so fucking excited. I rushed through the changes that the IRB wanted me to make and now I have the green light from the IRB to start my survey. I sent out an e-mail blast to a bunch of professors that I talked to months ago about surveying their classes to set up a schedule for me to come. I can't wait!

Oh, and that new intern I was supposed to train today, lasted about 10 minutes. She disclosed that she had a felony and it was over right then. Which is really, really, really disappointing. But oh well. It means I get to hang out there longer. I'm not complaining. More experience for me and the better the odds of me getting in there.

 

Wow, I sat outside for two hours today. I haven't been outside just for the sake of being outside in such a long time. I feel better

 

Yay, nobody sucked my blood out today! Yet, oh dairy, why must we have such a love-hate relationship?

 

I donated blood today... and didn't faint! That's something to cross off my bucket list

 

Uh, What am I supposed to do.. My dream is just right in front of my eyes, but why is it money has always been the problem. I don't want to push my parents, but am I too demanding?

 

;.;

 

I'm a bit nervous about my college visit tomorrow. I'm considering transferring and I'm looking at my options.

 

I went to a public gym for the first time the other night... I can't move without any kind of pain... And loving every second..

 

I think it's finally time for me to get a haircut. If I really want to "pass" and have people recognize me for the sir I am, it's gotta be done. All 14-16 inches or so. I'm kind of shaken up by the idea of having all of it nearly gone.

Once I'm well onto T for a few months and start developing facial hair and more masculine attributes and a manlier face, I'm going to grow it all back out. I'll be looking forward to it.

Now I just need to find a good haircut.. one that won't make my round, potato of a face look too distinctive. Good luck.

 

She messaged me back!

In other news, I have a horrible headache, and I lost my rainbow bracelet.

Edit: And the computer science department is annoying. In order to get a class waived, I went to the honors college advisor, who then sent me to the general undergrad advisor, who sent me to a professor, who sent me to another professor...ugh.