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Getting over a crush

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by heyou, Sep 13, 2012.

  1. heyou

    heyou Guest

    I've had a crush on this boy for the past few months. But turns out that all the touching, cute eye contact, holding hands, things he said and etc. etc. etc. were nothing. At least I think so. And as he claims to have a crush on this girl, I'm assuming he's straight.

    I want to get over him. Actually, I don't. I want to believe there's still some chance and that things could work and oh... but I need to. I need to get over him, it's killing me. Every time he's around my heart beats faster, I run out of breath and I can't help but think about how cute he looks and how much of an amazing person he is, and how happy I'd be if I only could hug him, kiss him...

    I can't distance myself from him, we spend at least five hours together every day at school and he has become one of my closets friends, so he hangs out with me and my other friends a lot. There's not much else to focus on and I don't want to lose his friendship at all, nor make it awkward.

    So I'm just sitting here, waiting... hoping for it to pass. But will it?
     
  2. john1984

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    Does he even know you like him? Was the holding hands and the other stuff just joking around or was it more?
     
  3. heyou

    heyou Guest

    I made it pretty obvious for him to know I have feelings for him, he might have doubts though but only because I'm not out.

    At first it was just joking around, but then it became a lot more. Something was so close to happen and I'm sure of that (and that's why it sucks so hard for me now), but then he all of a sudden decided to ignore everything and now he acts like if he ever liked me, he doesn't anymore. I'm so confused and I don't want to feel like this, I just want to get over him, but I'm having a hard time doing so.
     
  4. john1984

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    I know exactly what you're feeling i think. I'm sorry you're in this situation i don't know as though it will get better right away. He's probably confused and is going to run from it it could be the first time he had any feelings for a guy. I say just stay friends with him and in time see what happens. I know that will be hard though, and in the meantime work on yourself and figuring out who you are and then being honest with people about you. When you can get to that point i think things will be clearer for you, and don't necessarily assume he's straight. Just give it time.
     
  5. heyou

    heyou Guest

    Thank you
     
  6. john1984

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    If you need to talk more let me know. Sorry it took so long to write back my friend stopped over and i was outside.
     
  7. werekid

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    It will take time but you will but who knows life likes to throw curve balls
     
  8. heyou

    heyou Guest

    I'm in a better mood now (although it might not seem so). Thanks for responding, it really helped. And oh, I'd love if life threw a curve ball at me. Now I'm wondering if I should get over him or if I should actually give it another shot.

    This doubt is just killing me. I can't tell if he's straight and I made it all up or if there actually was something. And then I feel ridiculous making assumptions about something that might have never existed, you know?

    Yesterday we had a sleepover at a friend's house. I couldn't help but stare at him all night - he has the cutest smile ever. He looked sad today. He was thinking a lot, staring at random things, looking down a lot. Exactly the same as me. I wonder what he was thinking, but seeing his like this has become something so common that I'm starting to doubt if he's even thinking about anything at all.

    If I were to make assumptions, I'd understand why he'd be sad about this all. I'm very shy. He's always been the one starting everything and it got to the point where either of us would have to be clear to another about their feelings. And that's scary. Rejection is scary. Not rejection from another, at least for me, but most likely from everyone else. Closets suck.

    This is why I need to come out. I need to come out to him. I have to know if me coming out would ruin our friendship or not, or maybe take it to a next level. But I have no idea how he'd react wether his feelings correspond or not to mine. And I have no idea about how to bring the "how would you react if a close friend of yours came out to you and asked you not to tell anyone yet?" subject. Any ideas on that?
     
    #8 heyou, Sep 15, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2012
  9. Retrospect

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    Do you trust him? You could try hinting at it - i.e. mentioning gay rights news and the like.

    If you decide to just get over him, it will take some time and distance. I know how you feel though. Having to get over someone that you want to be with so badly, but you can't stop thinking about him. That's when it gets unhealthy, and distance is needed.

    It will get better though! (*hug*) You'll find that special guy one day!
     
  10. john1984

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    You should come out for you when you're ready not for someone else. I doubt it would ruin your friendship though. You could always just ask a "hey what if" type question to test what peoples reactions might be. I had some people who always were like "oh i hate fags they should die" that ended up being very cool with it when i told them. Don't overthink things too much and stop worrying so much. I know easier said than done.
     
  11. heyou

    heyou Guest

    Thank you both for replying!

    Retrospect: thing is, as I said, I can't distance myself from him.

    And ok, ok... I will stop overthinking. Or at least I'll try.

    Either way, I feel like I'm ready to come out, but I don't want to if that'd make my friendships awkward or even ruin them at all. I mean, even though my friends do act a bit homophobic, it just feels like things wouldn't be the same and I wouldn't even blame them... I can't really explain it. Anyways, I'm planning on coming out to my sis very soon (tomorrow, if I don't chicken out), she'll most likely be supportive! But I'm thinking: what's the point of coming out to my sis if I'm not ready to come out to anyone else yet (and it will probably take a lot of time for that to build up)?
     
    #11 heyou, Sep 15, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2012