note: there was never a relationship I've done everything in the book there is to do. I've tried to let go. I've told him how I felt in May. I separated myself from him for over a month during the summer. I've tried my hardest to occupy myself with other things and other people and just forget. Nothing's working. In fact, it's only getting worse. All I want's just to be with him and him alone. I feel like my insides are being torn apart slowly and painfully. I can't stop thinking about him. Every time I see him, I shudder and look away. He said hello today and I was so nervous, I could barely respond. When we did hang out awhile ago, it wasn't like this. I was OK. But now, it's just spiraling down. All I want to do at all's just to sit on a couch and cuddle with him and watch shitty movies and it's all I can fucking think about. My entire body feels like it's screaming and I still have parts of me that feels it's meant to be, that maybe he's hiding. Every crumb I've thrown deep down feels like another step closer, but reality knows it's just nothing. I know it's just nothing. Why can't I accept that? Why can't I ever dispose of this irrational fantasy? It doesn't help that I don't understand anyone at my school. Every guy's into girls and weed and drinking and all of these stupid-ass trends, and if they're not, they're just not like me at all. I enjoy the friendship of a few girls, I guess, maybe a guy or two, but really, no one seems to connect with me. He did. Whether it's my heart talking, it felt like he was the only person who ever took me seriously - who I could ever tell things to that wasn't just a figure on the internet. My crohn's disease has also returned and it's just making me go insane. It hurts so bad sometimes and there isn't much we can do, since now the doctor is questioning his diagnosis of whatever the hell this pain is because of the rapid recovery that came from the medicine. (which isn't normal.) Even though the medicine's results were flawless, a confusing biopsy makes it so our healthcare provider won't pay for us, leaving us having to foot a bill of thousands every six weeks if we went through with the treatment. Even though there are all these other things going on, he's still my main focus. School is back, and there's nothing I care about but him. Sure, I'll do my best. I'll do all my work. But it's all just being dragged through the canyon. A canyon which I'll never traverse. Being a teenager sucks, man.
well, I am sorry to hear about your chron's disease... no words of wisdom or advice for that. however as far as he is concerned, I too was in a very serious romantic relationship and I never thought I would be able to move on... but you will in time. wait till you go to college! a whole new world...woot woot! I agree being a teenager can suck sometimes... but it will be over quicker than you think. good luck
The thing is... There was never a relationship. I just told him how I felt. We're just friends. And I'm still floundering like a fish.
I am too sorry to hear about your chron's disease, and wish you the best. I too am where you are in the sense of strong feelings for a friend. It definitely feels like how you described it. It was never a relationship and 2 1/2 years later, I still feel like I'm in love. Even though a year has gone by since I last saw her. Time does heal the pain some being it's not as constant. You may love him for a very long time. Or you may find the feelings are starting to fade. You may even find that you will meet someone else later on down the road, just keep an open mind. Have you told him how you feel about him?
Yep. Told him in May. We were better friends after that, but he said that we're just friends. He has a girlfriend now, I'm pretty sure. He just gave me a lot of mixed signals awhile back. I just back-referenced an old thread. I feel so lame.
Don't feel lame, I'm sure a lot of people have been in our boat. What makes it worse is when they send mixed singnals, which doesn't help the moving on process. Depending on the mixed signals, there might be a possibility (could be very small but possible) that he could be gay or bi, and just extremely indenial. I don't know since I don't know him or the situation. Cutting off contact or at least limiting it (very limited) will help with moving on. I'm guessing you two attend the same school so that may make that difficult. Trying your best to stay busy and finding a new hobby. Learning a new instrument, playing a new sport, or whatever may interest you. Be willing to open up your heart to the possibility of being with someone else. If your feelings are stuck on him you may miss out on a wonderful opportunity with someone else. I'd hate for you to stay stuck on someone for as long as I have. Highschool is probably one of the hardest places to meet any gay/bi people. Since most people your age (not all but most) are either in denial, don't know their orientation (not sure how it's not possible by then), or are trying to figure out how to accept it. If there are open gay guys in your school, you may be able to find them in the school's LGBT club (if your school has one). If your school doesn't have one, your city might. I don't mean you need to try and force feelings upon someone else. I'm just thinking meeting some lbgt people may help. It would at least keep you busy and help keep your mind off of your friend.
The reason why you can't fully get over him is because you dont have a reason too. You loved him as a person and when you came out to him, although he didnt reciprocate the feelings, he still supported and was there for you. Had everything gone south him and he denounced you, you would probably feel differently right now. This is the problem with falling for good people ~_~. If you are looking to get over him fully, I sorry, but it probably wont happen. You'll always have a soft spot for him whenever you are reunited in the future. If he continues to be that perfect fit to you, than you probably wont fully be able to forget about him until there is distance between you. However, that doesnt mean you have to wallow in it. You have probably 3 more years of highschool, I'm guessing off your age. You cant allow yourself to feel this way for that long. It does take time before you will be able to intervene with your feelings. Tell yourself that you are not going to let it cloud your thoughts, that you are not going to obsess about it, or shed any tears, because it wont help. We seem to have ordered the same highschool experience, because that was my sophmore year in a nutshell. It did get a lot better for me in the future. It wasnt that anything changed, but I told myself that even though I wasnt dealt the best hand, I didnt deserve to suffer for it. This will be the next few years of your life. Dont let yourself be obsessed with him the whole time, dont get so caught in the belief that he was the only person that you could directly related to that you shut out everyone else. I would love to tell you what you should do to help your situations, but there isnt any advise to give. It really comes down to our own mindset. I'm not saying you can just turn off your feelings for him or frustrations with any of your other peers, but you can control how far you are going to let it get to you. Dont give anything the power to make your life miserable.
Gen, thank you for your post. Today, I feel even worse than I ever have. I feel like I've had everything ripped from me, even it's just a person I'm friends with. I want to break down and just fall apart. I feel absolutely void. Totally empty. Like I've got nothing at all. Like everything besides him just doesn't matter. I feel the ache in every part of my body. I can barely speak. It's not right. I don't understand it.
