Dating Someone with a Different Orientation...

Bicurious - proabaly wouldn't invest too much in dating (or expect a relationship) etc if she wasn't sure of her sexuality. I would totally give her a shot though.

Bisexual - of course. Don't want to limit my options just because of some stereotypes surrounding bisexuals. There are the few bad apples but like any sexuality or anything for that matter I wouldn't use them as the archetype for all.

 

Refusing to date people who are unsure does seem somewhat contradictory to a lot of the advice given on here to other people who are questioning/ bi-curious and are still unsure of their orientation, as they are often urged to go out and try to date people of the same sex to help them work it out. If all gay people refuse to date them then how are they supposed to make any progress? (Unless they restrict themselves to dating bi and bi-curious people or organising anonymous hook-ups).

I don't see why you shouldn't go for it (unless it's just so she tick something off on her bucket list), if she decides that she's not interested in girls then how is it any different in practical to dating her and deciding you're not compatible for any of a multitude of other reasons such as personality?

 

I would have no problem dating a bisexual woman who was open about and comfortable in her sexuality.

However, the misgivings I have about dating a closeted person--especially fears that they will leave me, not because of something wrong in the relationship, or even for another person, but because they decided they want the life of a straight person--would be intensified if she was bisexual. Even lesbians sometimes leave lesbian relationships for the straight life, and bisexuals have the added incentive of actually being able to have a satisfying relationship with a man.

I don't know, I just think that if she's so ashamed of her sexuality that she won't let me hold her hand in public for example, and it's because I'm a woman, and, on top of that, I know that she can have a fulfilling relationship with a man, it's just going to make me extremely insecure in the relationship. It doesn't mean I wouldn't do it, necessarily, but I think it might be a factor.

With someone identifying as "bicurious" I might have to ask some questions about what exactly that means to her, and what she's looking for in a relationship with me. I might be willing to go on a few dates with someone who was still exploring her feelings, but I wouldn't want to get serious with anyone who wasn't sure if she was really attracted to me or not. Overall, I definitely prefer that my partner be someone who knows she is attracted to women, and hopefully to me in particular.

 

Yeah I wouldnt have a problem, I mean I wouldnt want to jump into it being serious to quickly but then thats the same with any relationship.

I dont see how your girlfriend leaving to be with a man is any worse than leaving to be with another girl. As long as whilst she is with you she is being honest with you, but you need that in any relationship.
Most of us were curious at one point.

 

QFT. I've been broken up with because I told a guy that a LTR wouldn't make me not be bi. Probably wouldn't have worked out with him anyway.

Definitely. I know I'd rather be with just one person who makes my life worthwhile than to switch people just because of what parts they have between their legs.

 

I find some of the attitudes expressed here hurtful as well. It feels like people are saying all Bisexuals are sluts with no ability to commit.

 

id love my gf weather shes bi or not .

 

As others have said, I think it's perfectly acceptable to be wary of dating someone who is bicurious, and there was nothing wrong with your original post in that respect.

However, the title of this thread is a bit problematic, because bicuriosity isn't an orientation. A bicurious person hasn't yet figured out their orientation. Bisexuality, on the other hand, is an orientation. So the thread title seems rather to be inviting the kind of (endless and tiresome) would-you-date-a-bisexual discussions that are offensive to non-monosexual people. Although it may not have been your intent to steer the discussion in that direction, I would urge you to consider wording your title differently the next time.

 

*sigh* It seems that many straight people think that bisexuals of the opposite gender are gay people using bisexuality as a stepping stone to coming out. And many gay people also share the same view of bisexuals of their gender, except they think they are more likely to be straight rather than gay.

If someone is bisexual, they are bisexual. There are no two ways about it (eh, pun intended). I like guys and I like girls. I haven't always been sure of this and in the past I have doubted it many times but I know for certain now. I won't deny that my preference can vary on a daily basis but only on a slight degree of scale, I am always bisexual - this is what I am.

Gay men, does my liking women mean I am more likely to cheat with a woman on you? Do you feel that I am so desperate to get with a woman that I can't manage a committed relationship with you and I have little to no chance of being monogamous?

Women, do you feel I'm just using bisexual as a means to gradually come out? Some gay guys do do this because it does ease you into the process. But really, if someone says their bisexual, it doesn't mean they're less likely to be monogamous.

Your tendency to cheat has absolutely nothing to do with orientation. Just because bisexuals like both men and women (therefore naturally encompassing a greater range of attraction) doesn't mean they have more trouble staying with one person. Look at how many monosexuals cheat and look at the fact that it's not even remotely rare.

Please stop assuming (I am not referring directly to any of you, this is a general statement to all those so inclined) that we are more likely to cheat and we're not as trustworthy. It's demeaning, derogatory and downright ignorant.

 

I have nothing against genuine bisexuals and I would have no problem dating one. My issue is that I have never heard anyone say bicurious in real life. Where I come from bicurious=bisexual (in terms of terminology, not orientation). I've spoken to girls who tell me they're bisexual and when I ask if they have a girlfriend they say "No, but I could totally kiss a girl, that would be hot." Or they just kiss other girls to make guys jealous and then tell everyone they're bisexual because they kissed a girl once. So yea, I wouldnt be into that.

 

I don't think it's contradictory at all. Nobody is saying that everyone should refuse to date people who are unsure. It's a very personal decision to make. There may be (in fact, it's safe to say there are) plenty of people who are quite happy to enter into a more casual dating scenario, with less concrete expectations of longevity, with someone who hasn't figured out their orientation yet. On the other hand, there are also people who don't enjoy this kind of casual, no-strings-attached dating. They're looking for something solid and reliable - and they aren't as likely to find it with a person who is questioning. So it is quite natural that they might decide not to date someone who can't offer them what they're looking for.

The key to all of this is communication. If people could just communicate better what it is that they're looking for, and where their limits are, without being judgemental and trying to generalize their experiences or preferences to everyone else - all of this dating stuff would be a lot easier for everyone.

 

When I first started dating my ex, I considered myself "bicurious." I was with them for over a year and a half and was completely loyal. I don't think that someone being bi should be considered an indicator in how faithful they will be.

 

I've dated bicurious before, I wouldn't be keen to do it again (unless I found someone I was extremely interested in). Next time I do decide to date someone, I would definitely prefer to date a lesbian. Everyone is different but from my experience and other experiences I've heard about, it usually ends in disaster. I've found that the majority of bicurious women are either bored, frustrated with men, or not wanting to accept that they're bisexual or lesbian.

You obviously really like the woman so go for it. I hope it works out for you! Don't let anyone esle's experiences deter you from dating her. I just wanted to throw in two cents.

 

It depends, for me probably not, maybe, I dont know.

I would prefer it if the person I was dating was comfortable being seen a gay person and not be offended when someone mistaken a same sex relationship as not having 2 gay people, because to me it just goes to show that bicurious/bisexual person is clearly not comfortable with their own sexuality to not give a fuck.

and this is what I dont really like about EC too, alot of people here proclaim their dislikes to titles and yet they are willing to defend their own titles they identify as to strangers, e.g trying to explain the kinsey scale to people and the reason why they arent competely homo, lets face it, to me it comes off as you being much more worried about your own sexuality than the complete stranger.

 

How is it being "worried about" or "uncomfortable with" your sexuality to want people to use accurate words when talking about you?

There is a phenomenon called bi-erasure where bisexual people's sexuality is ignored, miscategorized, or simply denied by others on a regular basis. Dating someone of the same sex? Obviously you're now gay. Dating someone of the opposite sex? Obviously you're now straight. Both assumptions are annoying, tiresome and frustrating for people who are actively trying to counter misconceptions about bisexuals by living as an out and proud bisexual themselves. Your assessment of their reasons for doing so is misinformed and condescending.

 

Would I date someone bicurious? I think yes. As long as they find me attractive, then it doesn't matter to me if they find women or other men attractive. In my mind, dating is all about discovering whether the other person is compatible with you.

If the other person is still exploring their sexuality, I would hope that he is open to talking about how he feels, without worrying about hurting my feelings in the process. That might be challenging, if he's dating me, to be that open about finding me attractive/unattractive. But I think that's more of a communication issue rather than a sexuality issue.

I feel sad that a lot of people doubt bisexuality exists, yet there are bisexual people all around who disprove that by existing.