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Came out to most important person in my life

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by toremi, Jul 22, 2012.

  1. toremi

    toremi Guest

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    So I finally did it.

    I told my best friend, who literally means the world to me. If it weren't for him my life in this city wouldn't be the same and I wouldn't be where I am with out him.

    Unfortunately I chose to do it via text message, which is probably like the worst medium to do it ever. Things had kept coming up in conversation and I felt like I was digging myself further and further and I didn't like being dishonest.

    After the party we left last night, we were discussing the whole ride how great our friendship was and shtuff and I just felt like I couldn't do it much longer. So once we separated to go to our separate homes I text him and told him I had something to tell him.

    So it's done.
     
  2. cscipio

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    Hoping it goes well.
     
  3. toremi

    toremi Guest

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    It went as well as it can. He said all the PC things I think your suppose to say when someone comes out to you, but I am sure it changed our friendship.... IE I don't think we are going to be close anymore.

    I guess time will tell, either way it is done and there is no return now! It kind of makes me feel physically sick but I am sure I'll get over that in time.
     
  4. cscipio

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    I do hope it goes well for you. As Chip would say, you've been dealing with this for quite some time. Your friend is just now hearing it for the first time. It may take time to digest.

    I was scared shitless my best friend would disown me when I told him. For the longest time I hung onto every little thing he said and over analyzed. We've had a number of dialogues that helped considerably - He 100% doesn't give a shit and couldn't be happier for me. It took me a long time to realize that due to my own paranoia. I guess what I'm trying to say is keep being yourself and if you're getting mixed messages, clarify them before internalizing and possibly making more out of a statement than it should be.
     
  5. toremi

    toremi Guest

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    Thanks that actually helps.

    I have already over-analyzed our entire conversation in about one thousand different ways. It's hard for me not to, seeing as it was probably one of the most difficult things I've done to date.

    I am just trying to not get my hopes up that nothing will change, because I don't want to be let down. You never know how any new piece of information will effect a dynamic. I try to live by the saying, “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”

    I will take your advice and try not to over analyze everything from here out.
     
  6. cscipio

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    Hope it goes well. Keep in touch.
     
  7. Given To Fly

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    I've got my fingers crossed for you, toremi.

    I'm trying to psyche myself up to tell my best friend. I'm only really just coming to terms with it myself, but I need to get it out in the open. I honestly don't think it'll be a problem, but I'm terrified anyway. I think I've gone over pretty much every possible scenario in my head as to how the conversation could go, so I know exactly where you are coming from with the over-analysing.

    Good luck :icon_bigg
     
  8. Chip

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    My best friend (also the first person I told) took it well, but for a couple of weeks, things were a little distant. But once he processed everything, we were just fine again. I knew we were totally OK when he started making rude jokes about my being gay (we'd always made rude jokes at each other.)

    I suspect things will be just fine and you'll continue to be close once he processes things a bit.
     
  9. cscipio

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    The jokes really do make it ok - especially if you're close. I never laughed harder or felt more relieved than when I farted while my best friend and I were fishing and he pretends to sniff the air and exclaim "Is that strawberry KY?!"
     
  10. toremi

    toremi Guest

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    Thanks everyone, it means a lot.

    I agree that it is very terrifying. For me more so than family because I know I won't lose my family but friends are different. I know everyone says that if things change they weren't your friend to begin with, but I dont know. This kid has been like family to me so regardless it will be devastating if he disappears.

    Chip, thats funny because thats what I expected with my best friend. Like we always joke and shit and tear each other apart (in a fun friendly way) so I was waiting for him to crack a joke to make me feel better but he went the very PC route and said all the "nothing changes" "your sexuality doesn't matter to me" like all the serious stuff so immediately I was like, "its changed already".

    I guess there is not much to do now but sit and wait. I dont want to contact him so I will just wait until he calls or texts me first.
     
  11. Ianthe

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    Well, but it was all via text message. It's probably just as well he went the PC route, humor doesn't always go well over texting.

    I don't think it's a good idea for you to wait for him to contact you, although I can understand why you might want to.

    He hasn't been able to see your face or your body language through all this. He has no idea how you are feeling, really, except that you were too scared to tell him in person. So it's not surprising that he's being cautiously sensitive. People still kill themselves sometimes when someone reacts badly to them being gay, so, it makes sense that he would want to be careful about that when he can't see how you are reacting to what he says.

    It's likely that things will be a little awkward for a little while, but this is at least partly because YOU are feeling awkward about it. You can set the tone by acting as normal about it as possible. So, contact him as much as you would normally contact him.
     
  12. cscipio

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    This^^

    "Nothing changes" starts with you. Easier said than done, I know. Go out for a beer, coffee, or whatever your poison is - but do it like you always have.

    Don't be too alarmed if your sexuality doesn't come up. Just be yourself.

    My best friend and I didn't talk about mine for months. We had a good laugh because he finally brought it up at his house just a few weeks ago. I was avoiding the topic because I thought he was uncomfortable with it. He was doing the same to me. This, again, is why it's important to discuss things to avoid misunderstandings.
     
  13. toremi

    toremi Guest

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    I am gonna try... but I wanna give him time too. I don't wanna push. I will give it a while, its not like it's uncommon for us not to chat for a while anyway.

    I don't think it will come up in conversation, I doubt he is gonna say anything and I am gonna stray away for a while for sure anyway.

    It sounds like everything went really well with you and your best friend, I can only hope my situation turns out as well
     
  14. cscipio

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    Be brave, be true, and have good character. You can't do any more than that. If you do, you will certainly exerience the best possible results. Guaranteed.
     
  15. Theory

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    How close you made you guys seem to be makes me think that all will work out. I hope they do. My fingers are crossed.
    I'm not brave enough to come out to my best friend yet so in my eyes you've done awesome. Good luck.
     
  16. toremi

    toremi Guest

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    Just a side note.

    I did exactly what y'all said and went on about our normal friend routine. So far there is definitely a awkwardness on his part I think. Doesn't seem the same, yet I still haven't seen him in person so I'll wait and see.

    I was thinking of having a get together at my place this weekend with friends including him. I mentioned it to him and he is usually the first on board (like he has never missed one) and this time he seems completely uninterested. He didn't say he wasn't coming jus seemed not as excited as usual. I guess I will see if he shows.

    Definitely regretting my deision more and more.
     
  17. BornAnew

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    Hey Toremi sorry to hear things aren't all the same anymore.

    Maybe he's busy this weekend, it could be some unforeseen thing?

    I think it might take him a few weeks to process this. I remember it took one of my friends a week or two to process it, until then things were awkward but then once he figured out I'm still the same me it was fine.

    I hope your friend figures that out soon *fingers crossed*
     
  18. toremi

    toremi Guest

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    Well I just wanna report you were all right.

    My buddy called me tonight randomly after not really talking since Sunday. I kinda figured he wanted to say something but he dilly-dallied around about his love-life first as a segway I think. Then he just put it out on the table, asked how I was feeling now that I was an outed gay man.

    He cracked jokes, asked all the questions I figured he would and then basically said it made no difference to him what I did or who I did for that matter. He even offered to go to a gay club with me so I could experience it and give it a go (since I am still bi and still kinda not sure if I lean more one way or another)

    Anyway he seems not to really care... he is coming this friday btw. He is back to cracking jokes and taking nothing seriously, which is what we bonded over in the beginning so all is well.

    I can breathe the biggest sigh of relief ever :grin:
     
  19. cscipio

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    That truely is awesome. I actually logged on this morning specifically to see if you had updated - good for you.

    Take things one step at a time. From time to time, you'll possibly find yourself attempting to over compensate as a demonstration that you haven't changed one bit and that your sexuality is just a facet of many in your life, just realize when you are so you can taper back a bit.

    Happy for you. Keep us updated.
     
  20. sanguine

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    I loled :lol: