How can I motivate myself to come out?

Adam - once you embrace who you are, amazing things start to happen. You'll wonder how you could spend so much energy on keeping that closet door tightly closed. It took me 49 years to realize this - please accept my sincere advice and encouragement - do it sooner rather than later. Begin your true life - your genuine, wonderful, sincere, authentic, gay life. You'll see a whole new world.

(*hug*)
Max

 

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I agree with Maxx.

Im not really sure on how to 'motivate' yourself, but once you do it like maxx said amazing things will start happening.
It might be tough at first, but you'll get through it.
And if you really want it, you should really go for it.

 

I recently just told one of my friends and it was one of the hardest things I ever did.

Why not start out with a goal of telling ONE person? Before telling the 1st person, I honestly would have never thought i'd tell anyone, and now it feels much easier for me to tell someone else.

 

Instead of thinking "I should come out," start thinking, "who should I come out to first, and how should I do it?"

If you think along those lines, you are much more likely to follow through.

 

I would also like to mimic these responses too!

It was very hard for me to do. I have only recently came out to my group of friends in Feb and I'm almost ready to tell my parents and family within the next few months. So its gets easier as you go along. Especially if you do it the way Speedracing22 said.

My advice is to do what I did. Start with the one person who means the most to you that you know will be accepting and supportive and start from there. The confidence boost you get from that one person should be more than enough motivation to come out!

Good luck!!


TB

 

Adam - you have already started the process of coming out. You are out to yourself. That's a HUGE step. I totally agree with speedracing - coming out is a process, not an event. Just plan who you'll tell NEXT (now that you've told yourself), then the dominoes will fall into place. Obviously you know your situation best, but a really close friend that you know is accepting would be a great next choice (as has been said). And often telling a brother/sister before you tell your parents can be helpful as well (depending on your relationships).

The thing to remember is that you are simply revealing the TRUTH about yourself - and that's great. The universe doesn't make mistakes, so you are just letting the people around you know that this particular corner of the universe happens to be wonderfully gay!


Maxx

 

Tell your closest friend first. When it all started, I didn't know I was completely gay. So I pulled aside one of my closest friends and told her. It was a bit easier than I expected. But it will get easier as it goes on. Good luck!

 

I agree with everything everyone else said. I dont know if this is motivation but before i came out, i felt like i had to think about everything i said before i said it to make sure that i never let it slip that i am gay. but now even though i am only out to a couple of people i dont have to censor myself. like last night i was driving my friend and i could talk completely comfortably around her saying stuff like "i liked this girl". and that feeling is great.

 

"I'm 19 and I've never been in a relationship and I'm not getting any younger"

Ha! And you're definitely not getting older anytime soon either... I'm 23 and have the same problem...

But all levity aside, you have done a ton of the work already. You have come out to yourself and accepted yourself. Those are pretty much the biggest steps, because after all the person who has to spend the most time with you is you.

As for coming out to others, it sounds so cliche but there really is no right way to do it. I told my brother who I was living with at the time pretty much on a whim and to keep the ball rolling, the rest of my family knew within the next 3 days (including my dad who I was sure would just out and out reject me, but actually accepted me fully).

Frankly that part of it went extremely smoothly despite my doubts. The biggest walls I've come up against have been integrating into gay culture and finding new friends, etc. But after struggling with something as basic as sexuality for so long, I know that I will come out on top in the end. And I guarantee that you will as well. I like to think of it as standing at the edge of a cliff and staring down into the ocean. Everyone is saying that jumping will be invigorating, but you still have your fears about what could happen if you do. But eventually you just have to jump, and trust that it will be the most exhilarating feeling in your life. And you have to trust that there will be people in the ocean already to teach you the proper swimming technique.

You can do it, and you will know when you are ready. Good luck buddy!

 

Adam, I agree with what the others have said. Wow, you feel as though your family and friends will be accepting......that's 90% of the battle. What I found is that all my fears were unfounded. My family and friends accepted me with open arms. Like Maxx I waited until late in life to come out. Please don't make the same mistake, you will not be happy. Live the life you were made to live and enjoy it. There is someone out there just waiting to find you and love you. Be who you are!

 

I think if you have a way of separating yourself from your usual environment you will realize how ridiculous it is that the people that you spend so much of your time with don't know about such a big part of yourself.

I didn't find this site until a few weeks into college, and everything just clicked. Its such an interesting part of you and people want to know and they will accept you.

 

Adam - You've already accepted yourself for who you are so your already half way there and trust me when you come out it will be the best feeling in the world.

I only recently came out to family and the few friends I have and now I feel a little more better with the whole thing. It's freedom in a sense I could finally get rid of that closet I'd been stuck in. Believe it took a whole lot to come out since I'd been dealing with the whole for about 3 to 4 years.

My advice would be just take it a step at time. Come out to just one person and the rest will follow. But don;t think about it just do it, whether you tell them face to face or in text or in e-mail or a phone call you've just gotta do it because in the long run. It'll be best feeling in world.

I had to really push myself to come out and I was nervous wreck doing it but once it was over... I felt the benefit of it

I do hope you come out and I hope my little rant helped in some way

 

I've learned that when it is meant to happen, it will happen... I seem to get this feeling in my gut when I know it is time to tell someone....

 

If you know who you want to come out to first, you could write a letter/note and give it to them while you are with them. That way you'll start broaching the topic and you can organize your thoughts a little easier. And if you're feeling adventurous then try to just tell them instead of using the letter, but have it as a backup if your emotions get the better of you.

 

I have been struggling with coming out for a while now and reading this comment - pointing out the bleeding obvious I know - finally helped me to see that I didn't need to be bogged down thinking how I would tell everyone and how everyone would react - instead it finally allowed me to see the wood for the trees and ensured I was able to focus on just telling one person this arvo (I knew he'd be okay with it, being gay and not ashamed of it himself) and while it was bloody hard to pluck up the courage to finally do it I feel soooo much better for having done it.

I had a draft message wrote on my phone (asking to talk) for a couple of weeks now and listening to "The Feeling's - Strange" this morning while I was in the shower it just struck a cord with me for some reason and on my way to work I finally hit that send button! Of course it felt like the elephants on my shoulders decided to have a party in my stomach straight after I pressed send, but after finally coming out this arvo it feels like most of the herd has vanished (just a couple of baby elephants left) After a while we just started chatting about random stuff and I felt a smile come over my face as I realised I was no longer having to be guarded with every single word I said. :icon_cool: No idea why on earth it's taken me the best part of nine years to finally tell someone when it feels this liberating.

 

Congratulations, qboy! (!)

Good for you! I'm really proud of you. And as you start realizing how wonderful it is to drop the facade, you may wind up telling more people, with each one getting easier.

That's huge! Congrats again!

(*hug*)
Maxx

 

Remember that the sooner you come out the sooner your family and friends can accept you
The.closet does seem.pretty safe but it must be brighter on the other side of the door