So I talked to my mom about me being gay when she picked me up from college on Wednesday. She was a lot calmer than I expected, it didn't seem to phase her at all, she was very accepting. Bad news is I forgot how good she can be at hiding her emotions, and I didn't realize how much stress she was already under. We had a good conversation on the ride home, but now this morning she brought it up again after having some time to let it sink in. There's been a lot going on with her job lately, and I think my news may have been a little too much.When she brought it up again, I was thinking I didn't need to talk about it and didn't want to because it's pretty awkward, but then she started to cry, she needed to talk more than I did. She's just so stressed out right now, and now on top of that she's worried about my future because she knows life can be tough for people who are gay. Another thing is she never expected it, I didn't seem gay at all, so her whole view of my future got completely changed. She really just wants all of her kids to be happy, and I know I shouldn't blame myself, but I just feel terrible now. I can't even talk to her about that because then she'll be more upset for making me upset. I don't know, it's all just a little overwhelming.
It's very common, I think, for parents to take the news well but get upset/emotional later. Call it a delayed reaction or just attribute it to continued worrying and thinking on their part, but in any case coming out rarely extends over a single conversation. So I wouldn't worry too much about "making things harder" for her - this is something that most parents will do in some form or other. Just take the conversations as they come and respond the best you can - at least she's not intentionally forgetting about it. Also, as far as being afraid for you because "life is harder for gays" - while we do face discrimination and such, for people who come from otherwise supportive families, the thing that makes life hardest for us is when their families don't support them. So I'd say your mom has a lot more control over this than she may think. Dealing with a nasty comment heard out in public is a lot easier if you go home to a loving family that has your back. And if she wants her kids to be happy, then focus her on that part. Even if you weren't gay, it's possible your future wouldn't have looked like she'd imagined, and it's still possible that you'll come closer than she might imagine. Try to be patient (but not self-effacing) though - this is all news to her, whereas you've had time to process.
I'm undergoing a somewhat similar problem myself with my dad. He thinks I'm confused and almost cried because he told me that life is harder for gays because I can get fired from a job based on that fact alone, get beaten up or worse killed for it, etc. He just wants to protect me. But I'd like to think things have changed somewhat. I'll be persecuted sure but I'll have my health and happiness and no matter how many times they try to cram their bible down my mouth it won't change me. I just feel I'm putting stress on him too when I don't but for the most part I have a mom and dad who would still love me and a home to come to and that is the best thing they could ever do for me.
Is there a regular PFLAG meeting she could go to? Sometimes it really helps parents to be able to talk to someone who's been through the same thing.
