27 and not out...whats my problem?

congrats! i've read the entire thread and am very happy for you. i just wish you could be happier for yourself...

i completely understand being unhappy about having not realized until you're 27 (i just realized at 27 as well) and i also understand being afraid of the things to come because there are so many variables and so much that's unknown and new. that said, i agree with others when they say "better late than never" as that's especially true for me who's practically on the verge of marriage when i realized my sexuality lol.... but seriously, while it's a new beginning, it's not as if the entire world has been turned upside down, even if it sometimes feels that way. there are things that will still be familiar and people that you can turn to if you are ever in need of help, even if those people for now are mostly online. you won't ever be completely on your own, especially if you stick around here.

i hope that things with your friend turn out well in the end. being gay himself, you would hope that he definitely wouldn't out you to anyone against your wishes, regardless of his feelings towards you.... i really hope he will be the friend you need him to be during this time of need.

best of luck to you.

 

Hey clockisticking - I have just come to accept myself as well (at 33!). I'm seeing a therapist, and hopefully things will start turning around for me.

It's a major step in your life to accept yourself, and another major step to actually tell someone. I'll admit that reading your original post made me think that I was reading an autobiography. I've finally come to the realization that I could live my life one of two ways - in the closet, lonely, and miserable, or come out and have a chance at happiness. I agree that I feel that I've wasted what should have been the best years of my life, but as GivenToFly so aptly put it, what's in the past is in the past, and the future is ahead of us.

And I have a lot of accomplishments to be proud of, so those years weren't exactly wasted, just in one minor (but important) aspect of my life. I have a successful career, I'm relatively happy, and have a great group of friends (none of whom know, some of whom are gay).

 

Here is a little thing I wrote

Sometimes I feel like I lost my way long ago, So i've tried and i've tried to play the role. Its Hard, really its not hard, its just hard to be happy. So I look back on my life and I see where I got lost, and how. I see where maybe just maybe I could have gone right instead of going left like everyone else. I tried to be the definition of "normal" I tried I did, but it just doesn't work for me anymore. I'm sorry for the ones I may hurt, I'm sorry to the ones I may disappoint, I know there will be a few, But the way I see it at this point, is if they don't still love me, they never loved me to begin with. I've opened my eyes and now I can see, its all so clear, what can make me happy what can make me, me. I hope you still love me, if not one day you may, I may just be far far away. I may have grown beyond your belief as this is my life and now its time to be me. So don't take this to hard, cause its my life to live. I need to be happy if not, i'm not really being me and thats not fair you see. It's just not fair to ask me to change. SO love me and don't be afraid. Cause i'm still the same. I still have the same feelings, the same strengths and weakness's, the same personality. I still hurt the same when you say something mean. So please just allow me to be me.


I'm 26 and just coming to terms, So its kindly not to far from you. i've always known I was a tad different, but never wanted to really admit it to myself, it kinda scared me. But Its time to try, how will I know if I don't. So I don't know if this will help but I hope it does, You can do it. Its time to be YOU

---------- Post added 21st Dec 2012 at 07:58 PM ----------

Plus really and honestly, your family I'm sure will do fine with accepting, I mean just tell them your just admitting it to yourself in a way. That your sorry, it seemed so hard.


At least you have had experiences, i'm still working on that one lol. I live in such a small town it would amaze you i'm sure. Its hard to meet anyone here. But i'm getting there and I can't wait to really get to be me.


I have come out to a select few, and everyone I work with, they were pretty much my first step, Someone else said its like a splinter, I would put it just a little different. As I was a tad worried, but then when it was over I was extatic. LIke completley on cloud 9. SO that was even more encouraging. Good luck you can do this,

 

Congratulations for coming out! The first one is always the hardest. You will find that it gets easier after each one (marginally ). That's really surprising about your gay friend, well I think you can trust him because he won't hurt the person he has feelings for.

I completely understand this. I've spent so long putting my emotions to the side that it seems like they have been lost. I think it just takes time. You're beginning to peek out of the closet door so of course it feels like it will be a long way away meeting guys and dating but take it one step at a time, there is no rush

 

You said the words have been said, I hope everything went ok. They will come around. Everyone always does. This is life and you, and its not fair to make you change who you are. (&&&)

 

Hi!

I'm in the same boat as you are. 26 year old here and just started coming earlier this year. Missed out on a lot and feel like I'm way behind personally and professionally because being in the closet has hindered me for so long. But it's so liberating to come out! Once in a while I still feel a little anger at myself for being closeted for so long, but it's best not to get stuck in the past and feel sorry for yourself.

It's very hard, at first. I definitely understand. I took me multiple attempts with my own therapist before I could even say out loud to myself "I'm gay." Imagine, this is someone who's basically sworn to secrecy by law, and I couldn't tell him for a while! But after the first couple of tries, it got a lot easier, and pretty soon I was out to a handful of people and just felt such a huge burden off my chest.

Now I can actually get started on catching up on my social life. Believe me, the freedom you'll feel to finally pursue your dreams and build a real social life will be worth the trouble! I'm much more looking forward to the future than feeling sorry about my past.

 

Join the club. I have no relationship OR sexual history, and hope that I'll be able to find someone to accept that.

I know it will likely be the hardest thing that I've ever done, aside from coming out to my therapist, which I did in my first session. I could only do this by repeating to myself many times outside the office "I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay" just to get used to saying the words. AND IT WAS STILL HARD when I was actually with him - I came up with a litany of excuses for coming to therapy and mentioned that one last. The other ones were easy (my parents had just split up, financial troubles, etc.) because they have nothing to do with my identity, who I am, and who I see myself as.

 

I'm 27 and I've only just begun coming out myself. Never feel like you're alone, there are a lot of people who are in or have lived through similar situations. I've actively avoided any kind of relationship or romantic encounter all my life due to my issue and I might always do so if I never get treated. No matter how hard things seem or how bad they may get, remember that you have people here that are willing to listen and genuinely care. Be well, and take care. Happy Holidays.

 

Well, I've only had one session thus far (the problem is that I just had to get it out there, and he was willing to immediately see me, but can't see me again until the second week of January because of his vacation schedule)

Just the act of seeing him one time made it real for me though - and now I'm filled with such a jumble of emotions I can't think straight half the time. I do believe in the power of talking to someone, though. I'll keep you posted as time goes on.