Last weekend I went out dancing alone, which is something I do pretty often. At one point I saw a young man dancing, and something about watching him reeaally captivated me. “Ha! See? I can be attracted to men!” I thought to myself. Then he turned to me and asked for the time. Suddenly I realized that he’s a she, gave her the time, and she went back to dancing. Feeling embarrassed I stopped staring. Later, a nice man struck up a conversation with me. At first I wasn’t interested, but he mentioned a bunch of artists he’d seen live and I realized we had been to several of the same concerts. We chatted for quite a while, and then moved to the dance floor. Several hours in we were still hanging out… and then he wanted to kiss me. Whoa wait, what did I miss!? Feeling conflicted and confused I gently rejected his offer. This took me by surprise because I had completely forgotten about intimacy (which has been plaguing my mind lately) while hanging out with him, or any other guy in the past for that matter. I want male friends so badly, but I just don’t feel any physical desire for them. I have many female friends, but I feel I can’t relate to them like I can with a guy. This is one reason I’d rather have a boyfriend, but my instincts tell me otherwise. *Sigh* What if I'm wrong though? What if I can fall for a guy but haven't given anyone a chance? Oy, being normal would be so much easier!! Next weekend I’m going to a lesbian bar for the first time. I’m really nervous about going. I mean, I love dancing and meeting new people, but this will be my first time meeting queer peers and being “out” in public. I’m still questioning, and I am completely inexperienced with both men and women, so if someone asks, “Are you lesbian/bi/whatever?” what should I say? Anywho thank you so much for the help. I will be thinking of ya
Say whatever you feel comfortable with! I'm still questioning and have done this twice (err three times) recently. The first time, I didn't feel comfortable saying much about it. I was not asked directly and did not volunteer. Had great convo about everything under the sun (with them likely assuming i was gay). The second time, I volunteered the truth to a few people - I was questioning, figuring it out. The third time, I did a similar thing, but felt less comfortable, so probably shared less. I think it was more of a case by case thing - as I felt more comfortable, when I felt more comfortable, I allowed myself to open up. Going in, I said to myself, just let it evolve, don't plan. I don't necessarily recommend this course, but it worked out well for me. Good luck!
I agree with stilllovelyafte about the comfort thing and letting it determine what you say about yourself. I had been questioning for years now, and kept this a secret to everyone in my life. There was this nice old man that always came into my job that would hang around and we'd shoot the shit sometimes. He was openly gay and was talking about something related to that, and out the blue asked me if I was. He immediately apologized for asking saying it was none of his business (we were just getting along so well, I guess he felt comfortable asking but realized as soon as it left his mouth that it was probably inappropriate). All I replied with was "Sometimes...depending on the day." I didn't feel embarrassed or shy at all revealing it to him because we got on so well. I wasn't attracted to him or telling him because I wanted to go out with him, I was just simply comfortable enough with him to let that slip. stilllovelyafte's right. You'll know what to say when you get to that point. It's all in how you're feeling in that moment. If someone you're uncomfortable with asks, it probably isn't any of their business to begin with. Good luck to you, and hope you have fun!
