I am partially out. My friends in the university knows that I am gay and are pretty cool with it, though it isn't a topic that we discuss about. So, even being out, it seems to me that my sexuality doesn't really matter to them. OR perhaps they just feel awkward talking about anything gay. So, yeah. However, there is just this one person that I haven't told. He is someone that I have fallen for. It isn't really something that I have planned right from the start. It just so happen I thought, "Hey, this guy is pretty cool" and started be-friending him. After a few months, we became closer and closer till I have completely fallen for him. A bad sign indeed. And at that moment, there was this girl have feelings for me and wanted to date me. It was rather obvious and it gave him something to tease about. Whenever he teases me and that girl, I would be REALLY affected. My mind would thinking "Why am I like that? Why can't I like that girl? Why do I like this guy? Why am I gay?" So for a month or two, I have been in a very depressed state. Everything seems to make me angry and/or sad. One day, I just couldn't stand it. I came out to a friend online and he took it rather well. He isn't a very important friend and I was just testing out how does coming out feels like. It isn't really a spectacular feeling exactly. It was more on the weird side. Now, I have came out to around 8 people. Something I would not have thought of when I was in high school. Now, the challenge. Telling my crush that I am gay. 3 simple words, yet they are like really hard to tell. I don't fall for people based on their looks. This guy, he is a real sweet person, but can be a major ass sometimes. He flirts with me all the time. I don't know whether he is joking or he really means it. He would say things like "You're so cute" "I love listening to you talk" "My dear" "Come talk to me. Don't ignore me" "You don't hate me, you adore me, you love me" and things like that. There are couple of things which he does that makes me suspect he MIGHT be gay. I would say that he has no problems with gay people. But, in the end, I am still afraid that if he has a gay friend who is so close to him, shared a bed with him and flirts daily, he might feel awkward or afraid of me that he would distance himself away from me. This is something that is stopping me from coming out to him. I guess coming out to him is for me to get closure. Though I keep telling myself I am not hoping for anything, just closure but till this day I still haven't tell him. So maybe, deep inside I am hoping for something. Hoping he'll be my boyfriend. I have no idea what to do, this feeling inside of me is always making me feel down. I've tried to come out to him in person but I just don't have the balls to do it. Now, I am just thinking of telling him online. What do you all think I should do? Should I come out to him?
Well even if you get over this crush you are going to have to tell him eventually right? Crush or not I think you should tell him, if he takes it badly then that's his loss of an amazing friend, and then you can stop wasting time with people who are too uneducated and delusional to accept you for you. Just my opinion, good luck
Hi there and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place. Congratulations for having come out to 8 people already. That's awesome. I can see why you're hesitating around telling this one guy. But the longer you leave it, the worse it's going to get. You're not going to start feeling better about this secret all of a sudden - you're only going to continue to feel worse. In the end - you're gay. Period. Not a big deal really. So try not to make it a big deal when you tell him. Perhaps you can bring the subject up after he has given you a hard time about that girl. Pull him aside afterwards and say "You know that when you kid me about 'Suzy' it makes me really uncomfortable because I'm not into girls at all. I'm gay." That way you're not really making the conversation about "I'm gay" but instead about 'Suzy' and his joking around. But then the cat will be out of the bag - and you'll see what his reaction is. Presumably it will be "Cool." or "Cool - I wish you'd told me sooner!" Go for it. You'll feel better for having done it. It's like removing a sliver...
You should tell him. If you wait longer, and tell him, he might feel deceived, which would make things bad for your friendship. Especially that he apparently flirts with you, I say the sooner the better. BUT BUT BUT only if you are ready to do so. If your comfortable with it.
Whether you tell him or not, whether it's tomorrow or in a few years, he will know at some point that you're gay, so surely sooner better than later. It seems to me he suspects at least. So use that. Instead of starting, "There's something I need to tell you..." you could go with the approach of saying something you would say to someone who knows you're gay, like "I think Leonardo di Caprio is really hot" if you see a poster for Titanic. Whatever makes sense. If he acts surprised, then say that you thought he knew.
I would tell him that you're gay. If he's as good a friend as he sounds, he'll still be your friend once you tell him. If he suddenly says he's gay as well if his flirting is actually serious, then you might just be in luck.
Thanks for all the replies Hmm, does it matter if I told him online instead of in person? I actually thought of passing a piece of paper to him with "I'm gay" written inside it, or texting him immediately after he gets down from my car.
Tell him in person, you'll feel much better about the positive response, you're just thinking about this too much just let it out haha
very tricky indeed. One part of you tells you to come out to him and you really like him, but another part says not to because if he's not.... it could turn things for the worse. I would suggest if you were to come out to him, perhaps do it with a few other friends at the same time. It would make it less awkward. If he really has feelings for you aswell, then maybe afterwards he will make a move. good luck! let us know how it goes if you go through with it
