Came out to my family

Well I'm sorry that they reacted badly. You're 17, so you must be close to graduating high school. If they can't accept you for who you are, then all you can do is move on with your life. Listen to what Waffles said. He knows what he's talking about.

 

If I were you, I would act as though you were out. Act "normal" around them. Show them you haven't changed. The few friends I've come out to have been cool, and nothing changed because I didn't change the way I acted. Except that I was honest with them.

---------- Post added 12th Apr 2012 at 03:03 PM ----------

If that makes any sense.

 

Jim94, regardless of how you're being treated for coming out by your family, you did one of the bravest and hardest things a person can do and this is coming from someone who hasn't fully come out yet and probably wouldn't be in the same scenario as yourself. For that, you deserve credit.

You've done your bit now, whether or not your family want to act upon your honest with them is their problem. If they love you as a family member, they'll come to terms with it. If not, then they've lost a good person.

I agree with inevertoldyou, just be yourself. Whether it's through ignorance on your family's part or otherwise, I'm sure being the stronger person and retaining the qualities that make you you will help them out in the end.

Good luck man.

 

Ah damn.. I hate myself for seeing this so late.

Well, a couple of things. First, have a huge hug (*hug*) It sucks, I know, but never forget that there are so many, many people who understand you; people who see your sexuality as the most natural thing.

Second, well, I just have to repeat what others already said.. the courage needed to do this must have been unbelievable. I am almost twice older than you, completely independent of my parents in every way, live in another city, atheist as are my parents, and still coming out to them was probably the most difficult task I've ever chosen to do. To do it in your situation is just..
I can't even imagine how difficult it must have been to wait to hear their first reactions after leaving the letter for them. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I'd hope that you weren't alone, but I fear you probably were.. Once again, (*hug*)

Life sucks. Society sucks. And I personally hate it that I still manage to blame myself for this whole mess with my life. But then, I talk to this beautiful, smart, completely out and profoundly happy, respected guy who I like so much. And I see that it will be so much better, finally
That one was a huge step, Jim, take a deep breath.


As for Chip's movie recommendation, btw, I've seen it and it was very difficult for me; I found it very disturbing. But it is a great movie.

 

I would have them watch the movie called "prayers for Bobby"

 

Hey, you got me quite worried there, kid!

Just try to calm down. You've done a huge thing and it will take some time for everything to settle down. But it will.

Parents have a huge influence on us and that is normal. It is completely understandable that you want to please them, fulfill their expectations. But don't go back into closet. You are smart enough to know that you will just have to come out again in a couple of years. As far as they are concerned, do whatever you think you should. But don't hide in the closet from yourself. Trust me, it's not fun to question yourself when older either.

Hugs (*hug*)

 

i hear ya. i am christian too. i am older than you, but i am scared to say anything ever to my family. it does not mean i think they are bad just that they are not able to see my mind or be in my body, so how can words explain?

i just told 1st person i know in real world a few minutes ago. they were hard to convince i am not gay nor really straight, i am transgendered. about 15v minutes online me telling this friend about personal stuff and they kept saying i am making it complicated and just date girls and guys...they don't get it. but they did accept it. and lucky me looks like we are closer!

am i wrong too? i know many churches teach homosexuality like sex without marriage is not what God wants. but for me i feel straight but in wrong body. i read nothing about that except something about not wearing clothes of other gender. what 100% i know, and my church has said, nothing we do will condemn us to hell, we are saved by faith not heterosexuality. Thank God for that!

let me know what you read in the Bible too, ok? we are going through different but similar struggles, and brothers and sisters should help each other. and you know what? i think everyone on EC cares and wants to help too. i am so glad i found this site! aren't you?

 

Hi! Thanks for sharing this I know this thread is several months after what happened, but I can really really relate to you.
I came out to my mum and she said similar things. I cried for ages, felt like.. really stupid. Regretted it the day after. When I came out to her, I sat there and told her, just really clear and she said how its good I told her but how its really forbidden. To be fair, I dont know what the damnn I was expecting. I come from a religious family, it was never going to be, sure thats okaaaaaay.. we still love you. But instead, its wrong wrong and stupid.. and incorrect and sinful.

I pretty much just took it in and.. acted like, yes yes yes okay. Okay. Though I did listen to my mum. And agreed with her points. And genuinely tried to get 0ver what I was feeliing, convincing myself its just a phase.
But honestly, how can you explain how you feel to someone who's never even thought about someone being gay within the family. Its... you cant. So instead, I've decided to forget about telling my mum. Its easier that way.

I've sort of... just rambled and gone of .. but genuinely well done for plucking up the courage and coming out to them, that's really cool. Iknow its real hard and must have been on your mind for ages. I hope things are okay with them or getting better and hey If you ever need to talk or vent or anything, I'll listen, I know how you were or are, feeling.

Hope you're feeling better now though xx

---------- Post added 19th Jul 2012 at 12:58 AM ----------

:tantrum: I went through this. The worst thing ever. I sort, no- completly took back, all I said to my mum almost, maybe even more, after 1 month of coming out her. I just felt like, liar. liar. liar as I was talking to her. But at the same time, glad to have been back to "normal" again. The straight one.

 

This! Chip is spot on with this movie. It's a great recommendation. :eusa_clap I'm sorry to hear that you don't think your family would be up to watching it, but what if you happened to be watching it by yourself in the living room? Maybe it'll catch their interest!

There's also a website I'd like to recommend: gaychristiannetwork.net . This site has well thought out arguments as to why homosexuality is not a sin. This may be a useful resource for your family, and for you as you stand up for yourself.

If your family wants an answer for the Leviticus (The "abomination") verse and the Romans verse about "neither the homosexuals, nor the--- shall inherit the kingdom" this website can answer those questions from a biblical perspective.


It's probably more comfortable for them to pretend like it never happened at the moment. My parents tried to do that. My mom still talks to me as if I'm going to meet some guy. I look at her and I'm like: That's not possible.
Her: Well why not!
Me: You know why....
And she does. She goes quiet and gets a little moody.


It might take a while for your family to understand. But they sound like nice people in general- people with good intentions. They believe it is wrong, but nevertheless, they still seem to treat you with compassion. They seem to sincerely believe it's something that you "fix". I don't know if you're spiritual too, or not, but if you believe in prayer then perhaps you should ask God to help you with the situation.

I want you to know that you are brave, and we at EC believe in you. It takes courage to come out to one person, let alone your whole family at once! I think now, though, you need to dig in your heels and stand your ground. Don't let them force you back into a closet-- the outside is pretty freaking awesome

 

Jim, I'm so sorry about how your family is treating you. Unfortunately, this is often the case with religious families.
My only advice is to try to educate them, to show them that you were gay your entire life and that they should focus on the similarities and not the differences. When you will be old enough to have a decent job, move out.
One thing for sure is only listen to yourself. Only you know your own sexuality. No one else does. And if they say otherwise ten thousand times it is still a lie, and not a truth.