I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am gay, like not even maybe bisexual. I am also only 14 and was wondering: can it be too early to come out? I've already told my parents because I knew they'd be fine with it but I was thinking of coming out to my school soon. Is it too early and, if I do come out at school, how should I do it?
It's never too early to come out, come out whenever you're ready. If you already told your parents, that's a huge step. Before coming out to the whole school, tell close friends whom you trust first. It will make it a lot easier to come out to everyone afterwards. Good luck! :icon_bigg
I read an article like a month ago about a seven year old who came out! It was written by his (super awesome sounding) mom. I was 13 when I came out at school. It wasn't totally by choice, but I had been telling friends prior to being outed. As hard as it was, I don't regret it. Good luck!
As far as I'm concerned you need to be be post-pubescent to come out, because you don't develop genuine sexual attraction to anything until that point. If someone who hasn't gone through puberty says they are gay, they are almost certainly thinking so because of something other than attractions they hold - which of course isn't a good thing as it is missing the point of being gay entirely. People seem to go through puberty at about 13 years old, so for me I wouldn't take them seriously unless they were that old.
I used to think that people could not really know until they were at least in their late teens or early twenties. However, after educating myself with the available literature I am of the mind that people are perfectly able to be aware of their orientation at younger ages than I expected, and the social climate is such that in many places it is emotionally and physically safe for them to come out. I see that you live in NC. That is not the place I think of when I think of tolerance, especially towards gays. In fact, it would be on my list of places where I would expect people to be savagely beaten and murdered for being openly gay. Please be careful, do not let feeling good about yourself blind you to the reality of your surroundings.
The only thing that may not be ready is your community. I was more or less out at 13 years of age as well. Girls can begin to go through puberty as young as 9 years of age.
It's never too early, or too late, just come out whenever you feel like it. I, for one, came to realize that i was gay at the age of 15 and accepted it, but i didn't come out because i knew the community and especially my friends would freak out so i just kept it for myself. I came out when i was 24 for the first time, and that is last year (well, it was christmas anyway ) So, just do it when you feel like it and you think that ur friends can take it well. best of luck
I definitely agree that it varies for particular people - I guess it's wholly dependent on how comfortable an individual feels regarding their sexuality.
14's probably not a bad time to come out, but keep in mind how most of your peers would react. People your age don't take as kindly to this as people in college would. Why? They're idiots. I haven't met anyone worth coming out to until I was college-aged.
Well actually NC can be quite accepting. Sure, would I rather have been born in NY or Connecticut? YES! Was I? No. Polls show that the constitutional amendment banning gay marriage in our state will fail. ---------- Post added 31st Mar 2012 at 01:09 PM ---------- Also thank you guys so much for the advice.
That's better than my state, a ban on gay marriage was voted for, after gay marriage was made legal, then the ban was shown to be unconstitutional. Still, SF is a bubble. Some of California is pretty anti-gay.
I don't think 14 is too young to come out, and it's awesome that (from the sound of it) you have supportive parents. BUT: I would be very careful being out to a significant portion of your school. I'm assuming from your age you're either in middle school or early high school, both of which can be very very rough on LGBT teens in some cases. I don't mean to scare you, just letting you know that not everyone will be accepting. On the other hand, some people can be more accepting than expected and you may end up with new friends. I would definitely start with closest friends first, for a few reasons: 1. Mainly because they can be an excellent support network if/when coming out to others doesn't go so well. 2. They're your friends. True friends will accept you no matter what. 3. If they find out from others before you tell them, they may feel upset or that you don't trust them as much as they thought. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
I think you can come out whenever you are sure about what attracts you, and that would be...after puberty ? The problem is how other people might react, but seriously..that doesn't matter too much if you are comfortable with yourself. Just be careful! I came out as bisexual to my mom and shortly to my family when I was 14, today (I'm 16) they still think I don't have enough "experience" to "decide" something like that. I am pretty sure I am far from straight, and still not sure if i like girls for a number of reasons : P.
I came out at 14 as well, but I knew long before then that I was gay (I just couldn't put a word to it!). Congrats on coming out to your parents - as for coming out at school, start by just telling friends. You can always do other, more open things, like wearing a pride bracelet and stuff like that... I personally just tell people who ask about it and hope it gets around :lol:
I came out at the beginning of last summer, when everyone in my year was 13 or 14. I'm glad I did, but I also know I have been very fortunate to have such an accepting area. I think one can know one's sexuality at our age, though not always. As for how to do it, that's up to you. After coming out to some friends privately, I deliberately kept telling everyone casual. A boy was asking me about who I fancied, and I said that I wouldn't tell him which guy or girl I liked. We were on a class trip rather than normal lessons, so I just went around everyone by the end of the day, answering questions. The school gossip network is very useful! From what I've heard, I would recommend having a smaller network of people who are guarranteed to be supportive before telling everyone. I'm so glad your parents were fine with it; it's up to you as to whether you tell some friends before others or just dive in. Do it at your own pace. Good luck! :newcolor:
in my school there was a kid who was in the 7th grade who came out as gay today he is going to the 9th grade (he is one year younger then me) and the truth is no one is judging him of curse they didn't know how in such a young age he know but after a while they got use to the idea and he is one of the proudest gay people I know ^_^ so don't woory everything will be fine
I think we underestimate a young person's ability to know themselves. At 15 a significant amount of the literature seems to indicate that sexuality is established, perhaps even earlier. If you are confident of your sexuality then why not come out. That is as long the situation would cause you undo harm or stress. I admire the courage of young gays and lesbians to be who they are and not how society dictates who they should be. Congrats and good luck.
