So...guess how much I hate my carelessness right now? A LOT. I had the brilliant idea of liking and then talking on a transfemale's facebook group without realizing that it would be completely visible on my facebook page....so thanks to parents and facebook stalking....ya that was awkward. Didn't help that they then drove to my school to talk about it.....that was awkward as hell... what didn't help is dad's comment of "well you haven't dated a lot so maybe try and play the field a bit, get a better idea." ...all in all, this just made a confusing situation equally confusing and awkward.... ---------- Post added 21st Feb 2012 at 09:20 PM ---------- Awkwardly enough, about a week before this my dad posted this to me........so there goes another notch in the awkward bar Lumber jack song - YouTube
Yeah, this was a BIG concern for me after I first came out - family & friends seeing who I was friending in an effort to find supportive people who are or have been thru what I was & still am going thru & what pages I was joining, etc. Which is why I started a whole seperate profile for myself, my TRUE self, so that I could have the freedom to do what I needed, friend who I wanted & get the advice & support I hoped for & found. It also served as a way to keep track later on of those friends I had come out to & who were supportive. You may want to consider this as an option to give yourself a bit of leeway on FB! Just what I found works for me tho... (*hug*)
The only problem is right now after their surprise visit I don't know whether to still think about transgender, or just emfeminite male...
Well your out now so my advice would be to have a discussion. Most importantly find a local PFLAG group and ask that they take you to a meeting. Also have a discussion on the difference between gender identity and sexuality. Just gather resources and give them to them. Remember that while coming out is incredibly difficult for you it also is for them. They probably are dealing with a lot of confusing and frustrating feelings over all of it and it will take a little time for them to adjust and may take more time for you to adjust to your gender identity as well. ---------- Post added 22nd Feb 2012 at 01:15 AM ---------- Don't let being outed set you back into the closet, use it as a stepping stone. They began what seems like a very civil and decent discussion on the subject and the only place for them to move from here is up.
Hi there! Sorry to hear that your parents have found out about it, in this way. The only suggestion I can give you at this point, is to keep doing what you were doing, and see if your parents bring it up further. If they do, maybe you would need to sit down with them and start letting them know what's been bothering you, and how you feel. It could very well be a difficult discussion, where your dad and perhaps your mom, might need some time to come around to it, and understand from where you are coming from. It might be worthwhile to start thinking about some educational/support material for your parents and for yourself. PFLAG has some pretty could stuff, worth checking out, if you feel that you want to come out as transgender. However, there are also a host of other resources on their, which again might be worthwhile to check out. (*hug*) However, it is also just okay to say to them, "I'm not sure what's going on, and I'm trying to figure things out."
Listen, try to get a good night's sleep and try to talk to your counselor about it as well. Let her/him know what happened and see what suggestions she/he might have to deal with what happened. You are surprised, and are processing as to what happened. Anyone in a similar situation would be. Maybe go for a long walk around campus, and try to collect your thoughts as best as you can, and remind yourself that a) you are still figuring things out for yourself, and b) things will work out. (*hug*)
Try to relax a bit. Take deep breaths, and try to feel the rhythm of your breathing while you inhale and exhale. Maybe try closing your eyes, and while you are breathing, think about something that allows your body to calm down a bit. Things are going to be fine, and will work out. (*hug*)(*hug*)
I dunno, last time I had something like that happen, I had this sense of one world crashing into another, and I was left with this sort of raw sensation afterward. It was like I'd turned suddenly into some completely different animal with limbs I didn't know how to use, missing ones I was familiar with. It takes a while for the wings to dry, you know. I'm sorry it happened this suddenly, Panda. I hope you know, it's better if you don't have to hide stuff from Mom and Dad. It turned me from a neurotic and hostile teen to a regular hug machine. A lot of gay, bi and even straight guys are just drag queens, and they like to dress up when they go out. A lot of them are distinguished and successful men in their everyday lives, and they are happy being crazy, overdressed women by night and men by day. So you have a lot of options out there.
Don't let it set you back. the same thing happened to me when I came out to my friend and he basically asked me not to be masculine. I felt put out and like I just wanted to give up the whole endevour but you have stay true to yourself and give them time to except who you are
That's the thing though, Christiaan,, I don't like dressing like a girl. Not that I've ever tried, but still. Stephaniko, it's just that I don't know what to think right now. I don't know why, but like Christiaan had said, my body just feels weird to me right now, not in the way it did before, but it feels diffferent.
But you want to be beautiful. Not necessarily a beautiful woman, perhaps...not even beautiful in body. Maybe just a beautiful soul? A beautiful heart? Do you want to be a creature that can feed and nurture another creature's spirit? Don't bugger with whether I'm on-target or not. I'm not really trying to be, just reflecting my own experience, and I earnestly hope that your experience will turn out to be unique and very much your own. This is a time for self-inspection. It's a time for figuring out what sort of animal you have transformed into. Are you something that has wings? Are you something four-legged and furry now, or are you still two-legged and bald? Perhaps you have grown scales somewhere. Whatever you find in the mirror now, I hope you like what you see.
Who do you see when you look in the mirror each morning? Do you like who you see or are you unsure? Only time will tell.
I sort of got stuck in a similar situation because my parents found out I'm questioning. For a little while afterward I kept kicking myself in the butt because I stopped feeling any gay attractions at all, but then once I settled in to them knowing about it (them accepting it is still a work in progress) my feelings came back. My guess is you're probably just a little in shock right now. Give it a day or two and see how you feel.
When you get to that place where you are not so angry why not have a talk with your parents (provided they are willing to talk). Tell them that you need sometime to work things out for yourself and that you are still the son that they new before facebook. Parents were once young and confused themselves, maybe enough time has passed to let them reflect on what you are going through instead of dwelling on what they are feeling. Like I said when you are ready to talk they might be ready too. Don't live in that fear, it will eat you up. 1) Denial & Isolation 2)Anger 3)Bargaining 4)Depression & 5)Acceptance
