Friends, bromance or something beyond

I wouldn't necessarily say that all these are signs he may be gay (or questioning), but how you described him does make it seem like it is definitely a possibility. I for one like the idea of inventing a gay friend (if you don't know one) that had a tough time coming out and you stood by him and helped him. That way he would know that you're cool with the topic and accepting of it.

I have a friend that exhibits many of these same things towards me (he's straight and knows about me), including talking on the phone for hours starting at 3:45 in the morning. if you're close and able to open up with someone then that's a sign that they feel comfortable talking to you. Just some more stuff to think about

 

All the advice here is really, really great I just want to go back to the beginning and touch on something from my own personal experiences.

As far as the signs leading to him being gay -- I don't think it's necessarily set in stone yet. Although it definitely can seem that way, especially the eye contact part of it... the rest can really just be misinterpreted.

One of my closest friends right now gave me some of these strong vibes in the beginning. It was in some ways the reason I became quite close with him thinking he was possibly in the same boat as me. Nearly two years later and I can tell you for a near 100% fact he is straight. As I got to know him I started to understand his gestures.

For example; he to did the whole like touchy thing very close to the beginning of our friendship, which for me was odd beause guys NEVER act like that where I am from in the slightest. In this city and the day and age of bromance I saw it more but not really to this extent. But once I met his family and close friends and understood his culture a bit more (he is south-american and from what I can tell they are just more touchy-feely than us canadians a bit anyway, without generalizing) I realized it was something that was just natural for him. So I was looking at the isolated situation with him and me but when it played out in the bigger picture I realized. That went for the complimenting as well. The more sure thing I really feel is definitely the eye-contact cause I feel that is way more telling -- cause when I think back to it now I never got the stares, but in the moment I may have mistaken some.

And the other thing about the plumbing. Just to get this straight, and the reason I am saying this is because I have now realized that this is read into in the wrong way by too many people. If he is a very sexual and seemingly confident/outgoing individual than I would say the plumbing not working would be a sure thing. BUT, big but here.. a lot plays into how sex turns out... one of which especially for men and their gear is nerves. If you put pressure on that thing, that's sometimes when it wants to work the least.

Why do I say these things? Cause admittedly I am one of these guys. I was never as sexual as my peers with women when I was younger, although I was attracted to them, which was something I attributed to possibly being gay. I had that issue arise once or twice in my sexual experiences with women -- and quite honestly the couple times it happened it was when there was pressure IE when I knew I was suppose to sleep with this chick, like shit had been planned out for a while and it fucked with my head... as in it wasn't spur of the moment.

Now some non-believers may still think "yeah but it probably WAS because you are gay/bi. Which I would have probably agreed with right up until the point where the same damn thing happened with a guy I was super attracted too and was suppose to hookup with. Moral of my story. It happens. I think it really depends on the persons personality. I am always so concerned with what people are going to think of me I get to in my head about this shit. I am too busy thinking rather than feeling. Now if it is something that happens over and over again time after time it could be more revealing to his sexuality.

I guess my best advice would be to let it play out some... especially since you have only known him a short period of time. It could turn out like my prior situation and you may know in another month or so it isn't the case at all... or in one day he could come out to you. And in all honesty my opinion is you shouldn't really go fishing... I mean I don't know how it works for others but I currently have someone doing that in my life, IE trying to let me know they would be supportive in a non-direct way and it actually annoys the hell out of me (I haven't told many old/close friends I am bi), reason being I think because I know they are doing just that fishing.

But that is just for me and maybe for others it would be different. In all honesty I think just being a good friend and showing him you support him as person, without even needing to elude to sexuality, will make him confident in you as a friend. And that can just take time.

Hope all works out well for you bro... sorry for the book of a post!

 

The message "I REALLY like you" couldn't be written any clearer on his face. With that said, I think you said something about having a wife soon so personally I don't think it's a good idea to be getting married and lusting over a guy at the same time but I won't judge here. Now I the first thing you need to do is sit him down and have this conversation with him. If he admits he likes you and you feel comfortable about being with him while married, go ahead. But if you don't think you can like a guy and marry a girl, well you have a choice to make.

 

in my opinion if you want to let someone know its ok for them to be gay and you don't have ae problem with it, there's nothing you need to do other than just be their friend and when they are ready to tell you they are gay, they will tell you because they know that you are a great friend.

when you go "fishing" and try and hint around that you're ok with gay people it can really offend someone in the closet because they start thinking...he thinks im gay, im putting off a gay vibe, people think im gay. and paranoia sets in.

i think i echo the remarks above but my main thing comes back to the following:

if you're not interested in him, and he's not directly putting the moves on you, then it doesn't matter and you should just be friends and noone needs to bring gay into the picture unless he does.

there's a part of me that thinks that even if you have zero attraction to this dude, there's a part of you that is curious to know if this guy likes you or not. and i think it has more to do with you wanting to know if he likes you versus really want to being the supportive straight friend (although u sound like you would be that as well). i think you would then need to know or ask yourself, what does knowing he is gay going to do for me. how is that goign to helkp me "support him"

my only advice is, try not to open the can of worms if you are not ready for what will happen. because in my opinion, straight guys in general try very hard not to cross the line between being perceived as gay. having lunch everyday is ok becuase you need a lunch buddy, IMing throughout the day is kinda what people do nowadays, but then texting when you get home at night after you have already had lunch daily and IM'd daily, well it sounds more like a relationship that people that are attracted to each other would do versus something friendly.