So...I grew up in a house of girls. A mom and three older sisters are very, very straight. I've had dresses and curling irons and jewelry thrown at me since I was like 10. And now I'm having trouble finding my own style. When I was little, I was a complete tomboy. I hated all girly things. But then, under the influence of my family, I changed my style to be more girly when I went through puberty, and now I'm seventeen and I feel like I don't have a style of my own. I recently discovered that I'm gay, and I just feel like I'm acting the way other people want me to act. If I didn't care what other people thought of me, I would cut my hair short and fierce-looking. I would wear boyish clothing. I don't know if any of you have seen the 1996 movie "Bound", but, (fashion styles of the 90's aside) I really love the way Corky looks and acts. Because if my appearance matched my personality, I would literally be her. I feel torn in that way. But the problem is, I do care. I don't know if I really want to look gay. And I don't know whether that's because I don't like that style or if I just don't want my family/friends to be weirded out. I'm guessing it's the second one... Anyway. I want to make a transition. Start developing my own style. Embrace my inner lesbian. Because ever since I came to terms with the fact that I don't like boys, I've been a lot happier...and I want to continue that happiness. So does anyone have any suggestions or advice for how I should do this? Anything from overcoming my insecurities to different fashion styles I can begin to adopt. As insignificant as this is, it's really been bothering me for a long time.
If you're worried about how you're family will react, maybe you should try changing your style slowly, to give your family time to adjust. Cut your hair the way you want it one day. Then a couple of weeks later, try not wearing any jewlery. Then go with the clothes. Basically, go through the process slowly as it will give you time to look at all your options and help your family deal. And if they start asking you "Why are you dressing that way?" Just tell them that you're trying to be true to yourself. That you're tired of dressing like people want you to dress and now that you're out, you want to feel more comfortable with yourself. And leave your answer at. People may criticize you because human beings are annoying like that but they'll get over it eventually.
From what I understand, there really isnt a definitive way to 'look gay'. Being gay is just who a person is. It isnt a fashion statement or the way a person looks or what they wear or what music they listen to, or what movies they watch or books they read, its just who a person is. My advice is just be yourself! You know who you are, you already know youre gay & what everyone else wants or what they need to see isnt important! If you want to wear your gayness on yoru sleeve, go for it! If you want to dress like more tomboyish, do it! But dont ever feel that you have to look anyway other than how you want to look. Dont let other people force you to believe you have to look, dress, behave, or be a certain way. All you have to be is you!!! (*hug*)
Hi! I'm just coming out as well and I'm having lots of fun dressing a bit "gayer." To me, that means blazers, boots, and button-down shirts. (ie. blazer with tee, bright scarf, skinny jeans, and tall boots, or slim-cut button-down over a ribbed tank with skinny jeans and flats). Lesbians are also known to love flannel. It's not my thing, but you can find cute flannel shirts everywhere these days. Autostraddle has a fashion section that's worth checking out. I think this article is especially good for a basic lesbian look: Autostraddle — You Need Help: Getting Dressed Off Your Bedroom Floor Hope that helps! D
^ agreed with the flannel, and Autostraddle is amazing for everything I got my hair cut a while ago from about shoulder length, to really short, because I was feeling the same as you. My mum cried because she said that I looked like a boy, and my dad ignored me for an evening, but, you know what? They got over it. I also now look exactly how I want to, so that's a huge bonus :icon_bigg So really what I'm saying is, don't worry too much about what your family are going to think because, at the end of the day, they love you unconditionally and will get used to the outward you reflecting the inward one. But I would say to do it over time if you want to lessen the impact. I think that my evening of awkwardness could have been avoided if I'd warned my parents of my hair realted plans... Also, personally my friends haven't really commented on the wholde 'looking gayer' thing at all, I don't think it really registers that much- they're more bothered with their own problems than what you're wearing anyway
I agree with going for it, I mean any drastic changes are going to feel strange for a while but I think as the others have said do it in changes, try a few different things and see what feels good. As long as you are doing it because it feels natural to you and not because you feel you should because you are gay then it is all good.
