self acceptance - how did you get there

Do you have all this self loathing because you don't like being or because your worried about what other people's views are towards gay.

Only asking because the only way your gonna be able to make progress is to ID what the real issues are behind the self hatred for being gay.

Would you have all this self hatred if the world has a more positive view on gay people?

 

Find something you're good at and become the best you possibly can at it. Work your ass off and prove yourself. That way your identity as a gay person becomes auxiliary to your identity as an awesome person.

Honestly though, coming out bolstered my self-confidence 200%. Even if my family had not been accepting of me (and trust me, it was a close thing) just knowing I had a group of people I didn't have to hide it from anymore - for better or worse - took a HUGE weight off my shoulders.

So yeah, that's pretty much the crux of my advice:
1. Find a strong self-identity that does not revolve around your sexual orientation.
2. Come out, come out, wherever you are.

 

ok so what is your career?

 

I'm uber-gay, employed in one of the most macho industries on the planet, in one of the most bigoted regions in the world, and I've still managed to snag two huge performance-based raises in the last six months. It goes back to #1 - if you're awesome at what you do, people won't care that you're gay. Even the ones who might will look past it.

Your sexual orientation doesn't have to impact your career at all. In fact, in a lot of places it's illegal for your employer to even consider it.

As far as what people are gonna say...



If you're going to be in show business, you have got to develop a thick skin. If you're afraid of what people are going to say before you ever start, you'll never make it bro. You are going to be criticized for all kinds of things, some of which have NOTHING to do with you. Just do you and kick ass at it - the rest will take care of itself.

No one says that if you're a singer you have to be a "gay" singer. There are tons of people in the entertainment industry who are fabulously homo, but it doesn't form the foundation of their artistic expression or anything.

 

I feel you, I didn't come out until I was 25. That's practically ancient in gay years. :lol:

 

What helped me accept it myself, was when I was able to rationalize it without anyone else completely telling me that I was gay. I came to terms with it by coming to the realization that its not that I can't get girls, but I just don't want them. It really helped. After that, I'm still somewhat struggling but not nearly as bad as before. The logic and simplicity helped me grasp my sexuality in a way that I never thought possible. Don't worry about anyone else. It's your life and you can't be expected to live up to anyone else's expectations. And as for the whole labeling thing as the "gay singer," I wouldn't focus on it, as long as you base your career around your singing, and not your sexual orientation you know? Sure Ricky Martin is infamous in this idea, but look at another example, no one considers Neil Patrick Harris that "gay actor." So there's hope =] Hope this helped man, best of luck to you.

 

no reason you can't be a singer and gay (I checked the rule book...twice)
So, you're worried that your career could suffer because your in the closet. Well, take note from Ricky don't hide.
It's 2012 being gay isn't as big a deal as even 10 years ago. The world is making progress. In the end self confidence is something you're gonna build your yourself.

It starts by accepting yourself people are gonna wanna insult you, but know WHY they do will be for key to not letting it get to you.

People want to YOU feel bad because it makes themselves feel better. Or, they could just insane like Ann Coulter, most don't even know why they its just something they hear then decided to repeat without thinking.

 

Being LGBT is such an enriching life experience. I think I've learned that, more than anything, it's a gift and to not appreciate it would be ludicrous.

 

I understand how you feel.... it reminds me of how I used to be and how I am sure a hell of a lot of people on here were at one point in their life.

Nowadays being gay is perhaps one of two things I would not change about myself (the other being my partner). There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You may feel that you have let people down but who says that you will not lead a wonderful productive life, make people proud and be gay.

You may feel like you are not worthy of being included (I used to feel this a lot) but there is no reason to feel like this at all. Who is more worthy, you for being yourself or someone else for refusing to accept you. Who is the better person. You are of course and anyone who truly loves you will accept (even if they do not always 100% understand) you.

There is absolutely nothing for you to be ashamed about. Just because you may not have opted to be gay given the choice that doesn't mean you will not grow to accept and even like it.

(&&&) for now and if you ever want to chat then I am here if you want a chat or anything xx (&&&)

 

You are describing me last year. I felt so bad until.....

I realized that it was just WHO I AM. I didn't do anything wrong to make myself this way. No one else did anything wrong to make me this way. God made me this way. Fundamentally, my brain is wired to be attracted to men. I finally stopped trying to change myself. When I did, I started to be happy!

Another thing that changed my way of thinking was all the advantages I had over other people who weren't gay. Over time, I have developed skills and abilities BECAUSE I am gay. (A great management book is the G Quotient about gay management styles--that's me!) I told someone if I hadn't been born gay, I'd be an obnoxious heterosexual jerk! I can't imagine myself any other way. I wouldn't give up my attraction for other males for anything. It is the biggest gift I was ever given.

Go embrace your gay self!!

Tracker

 

This is something that you will find more and more as time goes by. The energy to hide it gets greater and greater until finally it uses less energy to accept it.

Good luck with things. I really hope that you find the strength to accept yourself, mainly because you deserve to be happy but also because every time another gay person is open and honest about who they are society becomes a little more understanding, and several more people who know you will drop their prejudices because they love you.

Mike x (&&&)

 

I recommend finding some "out" gay friends, male and female. Try to find male gay friends with whom you have absolutely no physical desire. Go out for coffee or something non-sexualized (ie, not a bar). Try at first to remove sex from the equation and just get to know the people, the culture, and their experiences. Once you get to know them, suddenly they wont' be just a label or an identity, they'll be real human beings. I'm convinced homophobic ppl would soften their attitudes once they get know a gay person.

I think you too might also find your attitude toward being gay changes as you get to know gay people in a relaxed, non-sexual way (which is why its important to get to know lesbians too, that way there's no threat of attraction). As you get to know them, you'll feel better about yourself and who you really are.

 

Well letting us know who you are is a step in the right direction.

You might be nervious about being gay because it's unfamilar. Like you said you feel fine until you test the waters, maybe you should jump in instead of dipping your toe in.