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To be always a disappointment

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Snuffy, Dec 28, 2011.

  1. Snuffy

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    I can't break up with him... I know I am a coward. I'll be as disappointing as I am. If he still wants to be with someone who's clearly not his half orange, I'll just cut any contact with him... 'cuz it's not gonna end well for any of us. And it's already ending bad for me.
     
  2. Lexington

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    First boyfriends are tough. Because it's very easy to focus on the "at least I have somebody" aspect of it. But oftentimes, it's like clinging to a heavy metal safe in a shipwreck because "that's all that's close by"...when it'd be far smarter to let that sucker sink and simply swim on your own.

    >>>Que mierda te pasa me tienes dsesperado :'( xfa si todo se acabo hazmelo saber d vdd q me tienes mal.

    >>>Tengo pena no te quiero perder! Cnversems en la noche tqm porfa entiendme perdn porfa nu me djes!

    Read over these comments really carefully. Is there ANY consideration for YOU, or YOUR feelings, anywhere in there? There's one "apology" contained within, but it's not "I was inconsiderate regarding YOUR feelings, and I feel horrible that I made you feel bad". It's "I'm sorry because now you might leave". Again, it's all about HIS feelings, and what HE wants and needs. I don't see any consideration for you in there at all.

    Lex
     
  3. WeirdnessMagnet

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    You aren't. And you won't. Ok, this forum pretty much unanimously advised you an extreme breakup, you decided to give him more chance. Is this cowardice or courage and kindness? Isn't faith in people a wonderful thing? How can anyone be disappointed in you?

    Just be careful with him, please... You are you, don't allow ANYONE play games with you. Make him respect your limits. Be brave.And have an exit strategy, just in case.
     
  4. Emergelove

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    It sounds its really hard for you, Snuffy. You disappoint him and that hurts you, and if you leave him he successfully pleads you back in. Clearly, his presence, in whatever shape or form, does something good for you no matter how 'storm'y it is...
     
  5. tori2388

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    Suena el control de mí. Tal vez no es un buen novio. He visto a mi madre ir a través de las relaciones terribles y ver las señales de control, posiblemente, incluso un día abusivo. Deshazte de él y encontrar a alguien que te quiere para usted! Piercings y todo!
     
  6. Snuffy

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    I really appreciate all your advice... You're right, I can get so much more...
    Just please, stay in english. It's easier for me to express feelings in english rather than spanish, despise spanish being my native language :/

    <3 Luv ya'all x3
     
  7. Suracis

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    I'm sorry but I need to disagree with everyone here who is telling you to break up with the guy immediately. My advice for you is to talk to the guy first and understand why he is acting like this. From there, you can choose how to proceed with the relationship. A relationship needs work from both parties and if you want the relationship to work, both parties will need to adjust to one another. It can't be only one side doing all of the work.
     
  8. stupidIvan

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    I am compelled to disagree with you. When it comes to possessive, and pontentially abusive, individuals, it's very difficult to pull the scales away from their eyes (that is to say, make them see what they're doing is wrong/bad/hurtful), more often than not they will be offended by helpful gestures and will take it as an attack on them, which could end badly. All these drills of low self-esteem and guilt are control tactics, which are unhealthy and wrong. I am more focused on Snuffy's well-being and safety in these matters, and I feel persoanlly that all this could possibly get out of hand?? ::::C I have no direct experience with posessive/obsessive partners, but I have seen soooooooo many relationships escalate and burst into flames because of things like this.

    It's unhealthy to want to be with someone who wants to smother and suffocate you. You're a person, Snuffy, not someone's possesion. You're not a failure OR a coward by the way, leaving someone you have feelings for is extremely difficult. :::: ) Not to say that he can't, but it is not terribly likely that he will change. Some battles just aren't worth it, you know?

    wow, this post is soooooooo tl;dr, but I hope It's alright. ::::V
     
  9. Suracis

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    And in return, I am going to disagree with you even more so. Speaking generally, there's nothing wrong with being a little bit possessive and I'm not saying that it can't go to the extreme. Potentially abusive? Please point out where his boyfriend is potentially abusive and the signs of it becoming reality. And where's the harm in trying to understand his boyfriend? To understand where he is coming from? You say that "these drills of low self-esteem and guilt are control tactics" and I clearly see this as being one-sided. I don't think it's wrong to try and talk to people who supposedly have low self-esteem and guilt. They're people too and if Snuffy wishes that it's time to end the relationship, then that is his prerogative. Nothing wrong with having a little chat with the boyfriend.
     
  10. thevedman

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    I think it's good that you're offering a different opinion, but having been in a relationship like this one myself I'm inclined to disagree with you and suggest that he breaks up with this guy, just my thoughts.

    I agree with Lex; this bloke doesn't seem to have Snuffy's interest's at heart at all, it's all about him and how if Snuffy leave's it will affect him. He doesn't care about Snuffy's emotions or feelings. He sounds just like my ex, and I am so glad I'm free of that one! Similarly I think Lex is right about it being the first boyfriend and the feeling of 'at least I have someone' being a reason to stay with him... that's a very easy way to feel, but just make sure that he has your interests at heart too, and you want to be be for him for other reasons too.

    As far as the relationship being abusive goes - it doesn't have to be physically abusive to count as an abusive relationship, I'd say his boyfriend is being emotionally/mentally abusive. No one should have to endure that sort of thing.

    Take care Snuffy, hope things work out well whatever you decide to do.:slight_smile:
     
  11. Hana Solo

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    Having being in a very abusive friendship, I can say with certainty that as hard as it was to break out of it, I needed to. I do appreciate that you are offering a different viewpoint, Suracis, but I tried to make my friend see what she was doing to me and she clung tighter and got more abusive because I was pulling away. It's hard- its real hard. But once you can define yourself seperate from that person, you become much happier.

    It sounds like this guy has no regard for our Snuffy, and Snuffy deserves better. I don't know all the ins and outs of the situation, but can say this from experience: don't let him manipulate you and give him that power. It won't loosen his grip- it'll tighten it. You need to find yourself seperately from this guy, and he isn't good for you.

    Write on my wall if you need to talk :slight_smile:
     
  12. Snuffy

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    I want to break up with him... but I didn't have the nerve to do it today.
    Tomorrow, as soon as I have a word with him, I'm ending this!
    I explained it to all my friends, some believe it's about a chick, some understand it's a boy: either way, they all swear me tonight to make me leave this relationship before new year.
     
  13. Sunsetting

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    You Are One Of The Bravest Guys Ever! Totally With You!
     
  14. Hana Solo

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    I'm proud of you :slight_smile: You're braver than I was.
     
  15. Snuffy

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    Happy New Year!
    Thank you so much for all your help <3

    I'm sober, but I don't care... 'cuz I'm single!
     
  16. Hana Solo

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    Well done! I'm so glad you got out before it hurt you too much (*hug*)
     
  17. Sunsetting

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    SHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    YOU DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    YOU ARE FANTASTIC, BRAVE, COURAGEOUS, STRONG, HONEST, AND THIS IS THE BEST NEW YEAR'S NEWS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(&&&) (&&&) (&&&) (&&&) (&&&) (&&&) (&&&) (&&&) (&&&) (&&&) (&&&) (&&&) (&&&) (&&&) (&&&) (&&&)

    and one from me (*hug*)
     
  18. Snuffy

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    Thanks c: I think this is going to be the start on a series of changes on my attitude...
    my goal for this year is to get out of the closet...
    but i have several other ideas than can make my life a lil' bit more interesting with just a little switch <3
     
  19. Lexington

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    Good call. :slight_smile:

    Lex