I don't know where to post this but here goes. I guess this is my path to finding out that loving myself is more important than others loving you. I've been in 2 "relationships" with females and both relationships were disastrous in their own way. 1 more so than the other. Sometimes I tell myself I need a girlfriend to love me so I will feel good enough, pretty enough. Both prior relationships made me feel unwanted, unloveable, and like nothing. But at the same time, they made me feel beautiful at times. The good times stuck in my head and kept me wanting more. I allowed 1 girl to treat me like crap, spread rumors about me, rip apart my life, and even punch me in the arm (she hit hard but it was jokingly). I probably would have let her hit me in a serious way to be honest. I have had thoughts in my life like "I deserve to be treated badly, I deserve to be hit, I deserve to be called names." I stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship with the other girl because I felt like I needed her to feel okay. I also thought I wasn't good enough to be treated well. I let her call me stupid, ugly, and dumb. I brushed off the comments where she told me she wanted me to die because I was "being mean to her." I let the mean jokes and times that she told me she hated me go because I thought I deserved it. I stayed with her when she cheated on me. I allowed myself to get mentally beaten for a year. Then, I broke up with her. We still talk but I don't allow her to speak in that way to me. I hear friends say all the time "If only I had a boyfriend...", "I need a prince to save me...", "I wish I had a girlfriend to love me..." I'm sure pretty much everyone has had these sorts of thoughts. I am starting to fully believe a person doesn't need a significant other to feel better. I've grown a lot in the past year but I still am afraid to get in another emotionally abusive relationship. I try to give myself pep-talks about how I don't need a girlfriend to feel better. I feel lonely at times but I know it's okay to be single. I guess the reason I'm posting this is because I have found that loving yourself is the most important part of coming out, being yourself, or just life in general. I'm still on the path to fully loving myself because I know at this point I might allow a girlfriend to be abusive towards me. It's not safe for me to get a girlfriend if I still don't love myself enough to get out of bad relationships. I'm learning and growing. I don't need a girlfriend to make me feel okay. I try to tell friends that as well. I tell them you have to love yourself first before you can let anyone else love you or before you can love anyone else. The whole "You complete me" thing is BS. It doesn't work. You have to be a whole person before you can be with someone else. Do you all relate? It's embarrassing to say that I stayed in those relationships but since I'm out of them it's not as hard to talk about. I'm starting to love myself and I'm thinking that I don't need to change for anyone else. “To love others, we must first learn to love ourselves.” - Anonymous The sword of self-respect wins.
I agree with all. Even though someone's love can make you feel better about yourself, you can not rely on anyone in these days. Btw I think we should take care of eachother's ex girlfriends, like in Hitchcock's Strangers on a Train.:lol:
I can relate, lovely. Although we might feel worthless and unlovable sometimes, it's not true. You are worth it. I've been trying to love myself a little bit more, little by little, trying to understand why I do the things I hate and what makes me myself. It's important to not shrink away from yourself and accept yourself for who you are and that you can't let your self image be clouded by what some awful girls did to you in the past. You're your own person, and you're beautiful for it. (*hug*)
I can definitely relate. I'm not too fond of myself. Except instead of getting into relationships, I avoid them like the plague. I'm even reserved with my friends so many people don't up knowing me well at all. I know it's extremely important to love yourself but I honestly don't understand how people do that. There's not some magic button that you activate and then you suddenly start liking yourself. I've even tried lists of my positive qualities but they always end up becoming faults. Even though I've known for a long time that it's important to like myself, I never have so I don't know how to get there or what that's supposed to feel like. Wow, didn't mean to sound so negative! Sorry! But anyways I'm glad you're starting to love yourself. Keep it up and you'll get there soon enough
I really like your story: you have learned some lessons that took me years to learn. Kudos! Loving yourself--including your sexual orientation--is essential. Unless you really accept yourself for who you are, you will always be seeking some kind of affirmation outside yourself and you will always be disappointed. Don't change a thing about yourself: if someone loves you, they should love the real you and not the fake you.
