There aren't many outright "deal breakers" for me, i.e. things that would make me reject a guy without a second thought, but I can think of a few: -Being socially inept to an extreme extent. Don't get me wrong; mild awkwardness can be endearing and make me like a guy more, and I can put up with moderate awkwardness (since those people are usually alright once you get to know them), but once it goes into the extreme levels, I'm done. I know a few people like this, and being around them is painful because they have no idea how to interact with other people. I couldn't handle that in a relationship. -Starting the conversation about dating by making it about sex. I'm not going to have sex with someone I don't know very well, and if your first attempt to get to know me is, "You're hot, we should hook up," I won't exactly be inclined to try to get to know you better as a person. -Prideful stupidity. I can't date someone who is proud to do badly in school, proud to be ignorant, or proud to hold uneducated/unenlightened opinions. Those things alone wouldn't make me reject someone outright, but being proud of them would be a deal-breaker immediately. -No sense of humor. If they can't laugh, it's a no go. I met someone who came very close to this; he was such a narcissist that he would only laugh at jokes where the humor came from putting down someone else or a group of people (I knew I wasn't going to like him when he compared the writing of the U.S. Constitution to a bunch of monkeys banging randomly at a keyboard until a governing document came out); if the joke wasn't putting anyone that he disdained down, he would often say, "You think that's funny?" or "That's not funny," and break down the joke to somehow show that it was offensive to some group of people. He took "kill-joy" to an extreme I didn't think was possible. -If he wants me to cut my hair. Yeah, no. With that said, there are some things that would probably become deal breakers over time. I might try to ignore them at first if I like other things about the person, but they would almost certainly doom the relationship. -If he isn't physical. I love to cuddling. I love snuggling. I love hugging, especially long hugs. If he's "not touchy-feely" (as the first guy I dated described himself), great conversation is only going to keep me interested for so long. We could still be friends, for sure, but I couldn't be satisfied in a relationship like that. -Speaking of which, if he can't converse. For me, time spent with friends is the best part of living, and part of what makes it so great is conversation. The exchange of ideas, the give and take of discussion, the laughs, the serious moments; I love it all. If he can't keep a conversation going, or if he's one of those people who doesn't really converse so much as take turns talking at the other person, that's going to be a problem. -If he's politically active. I don't do politics; it's massively triggering for my anxiety, since it's so convoluted and thoroughly FUBAR that when I try do pay attention to it, it all seems so futile and, well, fucked up beyond any repair. So I largely ignore it, for the sake of my sanity. If he's politically active or cares a lot about politics, that's going to be a problem for exactly that reason, regardless of his ideology. I can discuss politics in the abstract, and sometimes even enjoy doing so, but current events and government are going to trigger me, and I can't knowingly subject myself to that. -If he's dogmatically religious. There are two elements of religion: faith and dogma. Faith is the belief in a deity without evidence. Dogma is a set of rules, morals, or principles that are claimed to be true "just because". If he's a man of faith, I'm fine with that; many of my best friends are theists, and I've no problem with their faith. But if he subscribes to any kind of dogma, if he submits to the rules of a religion without giving them any of his own thought, then it's not going to work out. I'm too thought-oriented in my way of doing things to respect someone who would accept something as true without giving it any consideration. -If he's constantly late or standing me up. I know life happens and things come up that make people late or make them have to cancel plans, which I understand.* What I can’t stand are chronically late people, even if they have an excuse each time (“I overslept,” particularly irks me).* When I’m taking time out of my life to accommodate someone, it drives me up the wall when they're consistently late (we're talking hours late here) or they just don't show up at all, especially since those kinds of people never call or even text to say, "I'm going to be late; X happened." Hell, I send a text if I'm going to be more than fifteen minutes late; why can't he text me if he's going to be six hours late? Basically, he has to stick to his plans and his promises.* Someone who so go-with-the-flow that he thinks it’s acceptable to not stick to his commitments isn’t going to fly with me.
When he won't let me use his sun bed for free, because there are no secrets in the tanning salon community. [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a096b_PVVd4[/YOUTUBE] Sorry, couldn't resist. Anyway, mine are Arrogance, Ignorance and a bad taste in music.
Smoking in terms of a relationship (I'm fine with it in terms of friendships though) is a total deal breaker, as is heavy drinking or drug use. The other main one is people that are highly judgmental in a borderline personality disorder type way - as in viewing people as either "all good" or "all bad." Especially when the reason for inclusion in either group is based off one characteristic. Oh and another big one - extroverts who are seemingly incapable of understanding the mindset of introverts. Honestly, if you think that introverts and/or shy people are not talkative because we're arrogant and don't want to talk to you or that all introverted people have antisocial personality disorder, you need to brush up on your perspective-taking skills. Everything else is negotiable, though I'd prefer someone who liked pets ('cause I really want a pet dog at some point :icon_sad.
My list is pretty basic: Bad hygiene Picky eating habits Doesn't like my family Drugs or excessive drinking (I don't mind the occasional drink, but he can't be out of control) Other than that I'm willing to work with anything.
>>>Anyway, mine are Arrogance, Ignorance and a bad taste in music. I was positive the last one was a dealbreaker for me. I found out it wasn't. Lex
Define "bad taste". If he just likes music that I don't, I don't see anything wrong with that; everyone likes different things. But if he's the kind of person who only listens to what he hears on the radio? My reaction would be more like...
Being too concerned with things like looks or social standing to have fun. I'm an awkward kid who wears a teddy-bear beanie and penguin backpack and talks too loudly on public transport. Someone who's constantly focused on looking and acting 'right' isn't going to want too much to do with me, and I wouldn't have too much patience with them either. I can't be with someone who won't loosen up and have fun.
Since I have a kid... My deal breaker is not being good with kids and/or not wanting them ---------- Post added 9th Nov 2011 at 09:38 PM ---------- Oh, and STD, alcholism drugs... the basics
Marry me, Maddy. <3 We can bake off into the rainbow sunset together... With your penguin backpack and my puppy dog hat.
Smoking: I'm an ex smoker and I don't need the temptation. Has kids: They weigh you down, I am still young and I want to have fun. Is religious: Hate it. I'm not going to convert for anyone. To me it's like herpes. Just...stay away. (I am open minded. I'm just not going to say I believe one "being" or "entity" whatever, created everything and go with it for the rest of my life). I don't like tongue piercings, either. I think they're trashy.
My deal breakers are Bad hygiene Too many tattoos- I find sleeves and other large tattoos to be a turn off. I love guys with nice skin i love to touch guys skin. I hate to see that covered in tattoos it just ruins a person. Its like having a stained up carpet. 1 or 2 decent size ones are fine Smokers- Unless they are willing to quit it smells bad and eventually ruins your body in the long run. Drinking-I don't mind drinking socially or when going out within limits. Drunk people annoy me Drinking to get drunk and not remembering what you done last night is not attractive. Can't Hold a conversation- This one is a big one I can't stand trying to talk to someone and they have nothing to say or they say a little bit. And i hate when people look at me to start and hold a convo More then 1 kid- I can't see my self dating someone who has more then one kid and they are in the 20s with a crappy job. Pot heads-I hate the smell of it and i hate when people im me and go dude i am so high. I don't care honestly No drivers license-I don't care if you 1995 toyota corolla a running car is better then none. I hate picking up people and driving them around.
For all of those that listed drugs- What if they have no interest in hard drugs and most party drugs but occasionally eat some mushrooms or cactuses? And don't try to force it on you or anything?
Smoking. Drinking. Cultural illiteracy. Unwillingness to try the Hulk coaster at least once. Yeah, listening to Justin Bieber. A bad conversationalist. Having pets in the house. I'm allergic. Untrustworthiness. An ability to look beyond appearances and realise that it's what's in here (points to heart) that matters. Essentially, the things you don't want in order to find a fulfilling relationship. Also, that Liz Lemon clip is hilarious.
