Gay in Denial. Help??

I apologize for striking a nerve, I was trying to help. I'm a bit offended to be accused of doing a disservice to the community, especially when I thought I made it clear that I was talking about people with OCD worrying about their sexual orientation, not a separate DSM-listed condition. For clarity I won't use the term 'HOCD' anymore lest anyone think I'm talking about a condition separate from OCD.

 

I agree with all of what you say below except one thing. VERY important not to perpetuate HOCD and giving people in denial one more thing to latch on to. OCD is also VERY rare. You are also correct about the number of people anxious about their sexual orientation actually worrying about it because of OCD rather than genuine confusion or same sex attraction is very low.

However, there is one important point - important to me - that you leave out. If you read pretty much any textbook on OCD, one of the top themes for OCD (mainly of an obsessional variety) is sexual orientation.

---------- Post added 3rd May 2012 at 03:27 PM ----------

One thing I want to note - I totally get the sensitivity to this issue being raised. A lot of the wacko reparative therapists out there propagate the idea of HOCD to convince confused, bi, gay people they are straight.

 

Hi, I'm sort of in a similar situation, but there are some specifics that are different. In any case, I'm confused and hoping that someone might be able to shed some light on my situation. All my life I've been straight, as in I've been aroused by hetero porn and by attractive women, I've been aroused by contact with women and enjoyed and been aroused by kissing and physical contact with women (I am currently still a virgin). I have always been attracted to women, and not to men, and though I have on occasion had homosexual thoughts they have not been sustained and have never developed into anything. As recently as 4 or 5 months ago I have been sexually attracted to a girl and aroused at thoughts of being intimate with her.
Now, though I can't remember how exactly it began, I have recently begun to feel odd around men, as though I am not sure of how to interact with them. I do not feel aroused by pictures of naked men or by gay porn, but in sort of testing myself with my imagination I have begun to feel aroused by the idea of being intimate with men, and strangely seem to not be able to arouse myself by imagining the same sorts of situations with women. I'm not sure of why this is, and I'm feeling weirded out by these sensations that seem to go against the sort of sensations I have been feeling for most of my life. I am very supportive of gay rights and definitely feel that homosexuality is a valid and great lifestyle for those who practice it, but I am honestly frightened by such feelings in myself because they are so different from who I have felt myself to be my entire life until now.
Does anyone have any thoughts?
Thanks alot.

---------- Post added 4th May 2012 at 01:40 PM ----------

Hi, I have a somewhat similar situation and I was hoping someone might be able to give me some advice or guidance.
I have been straight all my life (at least as far as I can tell) and have always liked girls, been aroused by attractive girls, been aroused by heterosexual pornography, enjoyed and been aroused by kissing and physical contact with girls (I am still a virgin so I have not had sex with girls), fantasized about girls etc. I have occasionally had homosexual thoughts which as far as I can remember came up after reading about or watching something that included gay intimacy, but these were always short lived and though they sort of freaked me out at first I eventually forgot about them. I have never been sexually attracted to guys or been aroused (as far as I can remember) by guys, and as recently as 4 or 5 months ago I was sexually attracted to and aroused by a female friend of mine (though I never went anywhere with it).
Just recently, however, by which I mean pretty much the last 2 weeks or so, I have started to feel strange around guys, like I'm not sure how to interact or like they seem foreign, which is a very odd sensation, in particular guys with feminine characteristics. Although I have not been aroused by gay porn or by pictures of attractive men, I have found myself aroused when I have, in sort of testing myself, imagined being intimate with non-specific men. Weirdly I have found myself, during this period, to not be aroused when replacing the man in that situation with women. I'm awfully confused by this. Though I am totally supportive of gay rights and believe homosexual relationships to be equally valid and great things for those involved, I have to admit I am pretty freaked out by these sensations which seem to contradict most of the rest of the sexual sensations in my life so far. Does anyone have any thoughts, advice, guidance etc.?

 

Hi there
Just found this tread but I found it quite interesting and I can somewhat relate.
I just have one question.
I personally still consider myself straight but with some questioning problems that could be many things. What I want to ask is: How do gay guys feel sexually towards women BEFORE they come out as gay?
Also, how do you know if you are repressing or in denial?
I clinged (my bad) to OCD, curiously enough, I didn't found it after this questioning started but before, while searching for a different thing. I seemingly just transfered my anxiety and doubts to this new topic which snowballed.
Anyways, I just want to inform myself a little bit more to know what I am.
I know this thread has some months, almost a year, inactive, but i'll give it a shot

Kzyol

 

HOCD does exist, as a form of OCD (not a separate condition). And it does cause an otherwise straight person to worry about being gay.

The thing is, HOCD only occurs if you find the thought of you being gay upsetting. If have HOCD and you accept yourself, gay or straight, and decide that 'if I'm gay I'm OK with that', then the obsessive thoughts about being gay go away. It doesn't cure the OCD, however, and as result the person will typically get a different obsession. But it does clear the waters about their orientation.

Now, back to the OP - you don't sound gay. Contrary to stereotypes, gay and effeminate are not the same thing. There are effeminate heterosexuals, and many of them get mistaken for gay by ignorant people.