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Is coming out to acquaintances a good idea?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BlueSkyiis, Oct 18, 2011.

  1. BlueSkyiis

    BlueSkyiis Guest

    I started speaking to this guy at school, and we got along fine, so I came out to him the day after, in a natural way. I have a feeling he's gay as well, and I thought that was a wonderful opportunity to make him feel better by opening up, and get myself a gay best friend to boot. Turns out he's totally closeted, even to himself. He says he's into girls, but my gaydar contests. So now he won't talk to me as friendly as he did before. He seems embarassed of looking me in the eye, like I shared something extremely embarassing, like my favorite sexual position or something. I confess I'm not yet totally comfortable with my sexuality, though other people may think I am. I do this thing where I put myself so outside of comfort zone, and come back a little stronger and prouder, but not yet proud with a capital P. Anyways his reaction was a let down, because he is the first person to react in a not so positive fashion to the news. It made me question if I rushed it. And if I did, should I have waited, or not said anything at all? I hate hiding in the closet almost as much as I hate sharing my secrets.
     
  2. DhammaGamer

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    Sounds like his problem not yours. There's nothing wrong with being honest about who you are. You shouldn't feel bad about this situation at all.
     
  3. george678

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    Sounds like he is the one having a problem dealing with it. Maybe if he is closeted then you might of just freaked him out. Maybe try to talking to him about it. He might open up.
     
  4. BlueSkyiis

    BlueSkyiis Guest

    Yeah, I understand he's having issues with it. But I would like to know if I should have just been quiet about it, or waited a bit longer. 'Cause we barely knew each other.
     
  5. don29002

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    BlueSkyiis don't EVER share secrets with someone you've only known maybe 2 months or less. That's something I never go by.
    Imo, I think you should've waited until you two are friends for maybe 4-5 months before you come out to him. So you have time to open up about smaller things in the beginning, then major things. :slight_smile:
     
  6. ukeye

    ukeye Guest

    I think its a positive thing personally. Why hide your sexuality. You seemed to think it was OK to be open with him, and 9 times out of 10 it is. If he goes around behind your back telling people and betraying your trust, thats his caper.

    Don't sweat it, no love lost no matter what happens. :slight_smile:
     
  7. Ianthe

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    Telling him about your sexuality was totally fine and your prerogative.

    However, assuming you know his sexuality better than he does is totally inappropriate, I don't care what your gaydar is doing. Your gaydar is not infallible, and he is the authority on himself and his own feelings, not you.

    Have you ever had someone not believe you or not take you seriously when you told them you were gay? I have. It's really not cool.

    Some people, like me, don't seem gay even though we are; some people seem gay even though they aren't. It is really, really wrong to disbelieve what someone says about their sexuality just because of how they seem to you. Even if you're right, it's not your place.

    I'm sure it's your attitude toward his sexuality that has upset him, and not what you revealed about your own. To be honest, I think you owe him an apology. I'm sure he could tell you didn't believe him, even if you didn't tell him so directly.
     
  8. needshelp

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    first off, even though it sounds like you have good intentions, you should leave it alone because you're entering territory that you have no business being in trying to out him when you don't know if he's gay or not. it's really none of your business. let him be the one to tell you so if he wants to if he's gay to begin with.

    another thing too, you should just let everything just happen naturally. you guys aren't officially friends yet. you should just let time dictate what happens. no need to force a friendship with someone who probably doesn't want to be friends with you. for all you know, he's probably a homophobe and you're basically setting yourself up to get hurt.
     
    #8 needshelp, Oct 19, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2011
  9. BlueSkyiis

    BlueSkyiis Guest

    True words, everyone. I did rushed things, I see that now. But that's because I'm overly excited about being out. But I guess you didn't understand what I said, or I didn't make it clear enough. I did not ask him if he was gay, or whether he liked boys or girls. He just said that he didn't quite understand me 'cause he was "normal". Outing sucks, and I'll never do that. What I do is try to be a positive image of a lesbian, so that maybe it encourages the closeted folk to be more open. 'Cause being closeted is suffering and I hate to see people suffer.
     
  10. Jim1454

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    I think it really depends.

    don 29002: the thing is that this isn't a secret any more for Blueskyiis. She's out and OK about being out. So am I. So when I'm talking to a store clerk or someone where a straight man would refer to their wife, I am completely OK talking about my husband. So I'm effectively 'coming out' to them within the first few minutes of meeting them.

    The fact of the matter is - we're gay, and we're here, and we're not going away. If you're comfortable with your orientation, I dont' see the point in tippy toeing around it. Own it and be open with it - as open as straight people can be about their orientation. I don't think it can do anything but help in raising awareness and letting people know that gays aren't just those people who strip to their jock straps and march in parades. We're also accountants at the phone company and professors at university and software engineers and small business owners etc...