As some of you know, my brother came out to my parents. He was trying to do the right thing and help me out, but it didn't really work out that way, but that's another story. Unfortunately, it kind of put my parents and I in an awkward place where apparently they thought I didn't want to talk to them about it and had asked him to do it, and I thought they didn't want to talk about it because every time I brought her up they would avoid the conversation. Recently I found out about this miscommunication/lack of understanding/whatever it was from my mom. So in an effort to try to help things, I've been trying to include them in big milestones in my relationship. That brings me to where I am today.. This morning, I FINALLY managed to get my girlfriend out of the apartment so I could make some final arrangements in how I plan to propose to her. Then, I made a call to my mom. I told her I had some news I wanted to tell her and it was kind of big news, and then I told her that I was planning to propose. She didn't really say anything for a while. Then when she did, I didn't get the reaction I was expecting at all. I didn't get a congratulations at all. I got "are you sure?" several times. And then I got "well you know this is a big deal" and I got a few "Did you think about kids? What about x and y and z?" I told my mom I'd really thought this through and I knew it was what I wanted, and yes I had thought about all of her concerns. I did want to have kids, and I still do, and it's still possible. And then she just kept questionning me about if I was sure and if I really wanted to do this. She even said to me "well you thought you were going to marry Zac (my exboyfriend) and look what happened." Finally she (very reluctantly) said she wants me to be happy, but she just wants to make sure I'm sure. Is this normal? Or is my mom still having major problems with the fact that I'm dating a girl? I don't know...I guess I expected her to be excited and glad I included her, not to be so skeptical about the whole thing. I mean, it's not like I'm a kid who has made a ton of big decisions without thinking them through or anything...
I think the fact you told her that is very courageous so well done. I think she has had a shock but then she seemed to be ok, I believe if you give her time she will come round. I think she just wants to be sure your making the right decision. Good luck proposing!
Acceptance is a process. It sounds like your mom is trying to be supportive, but still working through the steps of learning to fully accept that you aren't straight. She was probably holding out some hope that it might just be a phase or that you might want to date a girl for a while, but not really consider it anything too serious. This has made her realize that it really ISN'T a phase and you really ARE serious. My guess is that in time, as your mom sees how happy you are, she will become more comfortable with it and eventually come to fully accept it. Also, depending how long you've been dating your girlfriend, she might just legitimately be concerned that you're jumping into things too fast. It's a parent's job to worry about such things. Even if you've been dating for a while, if your mom only found out recently it might seem like a rash decision to her. By the way, good luck with your proposal! :icon_bigg
