Okay, so as some of you may already know from some of my previous posts. My Mom is extremely homophobic -- She hates gays :bang::dry::bang::bang::bang: And of course, I'm gay So basically, I was just wondering... Would my mother disown me and hate me if/when I come out of the closet? I mean, she is extremely homophobic, and she is very very religious (believes gays are going to hell). So, I know you don't know her or you don't know me or anything but, since you all seem more experienced than I am, I thought you'd probably know... Does she just say the mean homophobic, prejudiced stuff now? But when her own daughter (someone she actually brought into this world) comes out as gay, will she look at me differently and accept me? Or will she completely disown me and hate me for the rest of my life?
That's a highly variable scenario. Essentially, your mother is pitting her love for you against her hate for gays. Some parents change their ways, others put their mythology before their children. I can't say for sure without knowing your mom personally.
Well, my mom was pretty much the same. When I told her it was like, she'd say something terrible, then say she still loved me, then say something terrible, and then say she still loved me though, etc. Likely she will be really upset about it, but I find it highly unlikely she'll disown you. It might put a lot of strain on your relationship with her, but you're still her daughter and she'll still love you, even if she doesn't like that you are gay. That's how my mom is. I'm hoping that eventually she'll come around and be able to less judgmental and eventually I can discuss it with her. For now we both kind of pretend that it never happened. The popular belief is at most it takes 2 years for someone to come around accept you as gay, so even if it goes badly, chances are it will be temporarily. It can take quite a while for someone to accept it though. Good luck, only you can know when its right to tell someone =) edit: of course it doesn't require 2 years for everybody. I've never had anyone my age have a problem with it. I've had people find it awkward but that's about it lol
Thank you... You're right, only I know the right time to come out... and I sure as heck do not want it to be on accident (like she finds a journal entry or something)
What are your reasons for wanting to come out? Do you have a serious relationship with someone at the moment? Are you being pressured to be out by your parents and friends? Are you financially stable? These are points to ponder when making a decision to come out. If you say yes to the last 3 questions you might consider outing yourself but if not, why not take the opportunity to find out more about yourself first and live life a little. You don't really have to face the drama of being out with your family immediately.
I have mixed feelings about waiting to be in a relationship to come out. I was in a relationship when I came out, and I think it makes things a bit more complicated. I've been with my bf for a year and he still hasn't really met my friends at all. My friend's know I like guys, but I can't see myself or my group of friends feeling comfortable bringing my bf around them even still. I think it would have made my relationship go a lot smoother if I had already been out in advance.
Although my mom has never had that much of a problem (at least publicly) with our gay family friends, she used to say things all the time like, "I wouldn't want my child leading that lifestyle" or "I just don't understand how two guys can want to be together, it's unnatural and disgusting". The night I came out to her, she was shocked, horrified, disgusted, etc., but she made sure that the next morning she told me how much she loved me and let me know that although she didn't like the idea of me being gay, I was still her kid and life would go on. Obviously without knowing your mom, it's hard to say exactly what her reaction would be. Although it's unlikely, it's still possible that she could disown you because of your feelings towards gay people. Whatever the case, before you come out, you need to make sure that your situation is safe and secure.
Hello there, My Father like your mother is very homophobic. I thought he would come round when I came out to him over two years ago. This has no been the case, in fact he has only gotten worse. My Dad is very religious. My advice to you is, go through school or college get the grades, get a place of your own and then come out. We would like our parents to accept us but always isn't the case. If your Mother decides to dis-own you then it is very sad but happens. I hope when you do come out it doesn't go bad for you. George.
Like others have mentioned, although you want to hope for the best, it's probably in your best interest to wait until you are financially stable to come out to your parents just in case your mother did take the extreme measures of disowning or kicking you out. That way, you would know you could keep yourself safe even if that did happen. I do hope for you that everything works out in the end, and it has been known to, so please don't feel that you are destined to be disowned or anything like that, it is just best to wait in these types of situations until you could be stable on your own.
Hey! Thanks for the replies. @george678 and @flymetothemoon you're completely right... I am going to build my life and make sure I am safe (perferably not in my mother or sister's care) so that I will not face abuse of any kind, or anything else that might harm me.
My parents actually donate money to an anti-gay organization that coincides with their religious beliefs. The only way I am ever coming out to them is if I am in a relationship. I figure they would have to know then, but if nothing is changing in my life why destroy my family ties. Of course it would get me out of my cousins wedding next spring...I hate sitting at the singles table at weddings.
