Today I got a birthday card from my grandma and in it she mentioned that she hoped that I would write or call her up sometime. Since she and many of my relatives live on the other side of the country, I have not seen them much in my lifetime and as a result I do not feel close to many of them. However, my grandma (who is now my only living grandparent) is a very kind person and I always felt more of a connection to her. Given that she is getting up there in age (she turned 92 the day before my birthday), I felt compelled to write a letter to her tonight. While writing it, I decided to tell her of my coming out as gay. Here is that part of the letter I wrote: "I'm not sure if my mom told you or not yet, but I recently came out of the closet...I am gay. It has been difficult to deal with over the decade I have known it, but I am no longer ashamed of who I am. Being able to talk with others about it finally has definitely brought me piece of mind. I am at a much better place in my life than I have ever been". I know that the one aunt (who lives with her) will probably say something negative about my mentioning something like this to my grandma, but if I'm writing to her about what is going on in my life at the moment I need to mention my coming out since it is an important part of who I am. I know that my grandma is pretty open minded too. Plus, she raised four children, has lived through the Great Depression, World War 2 and a few other wars, the development of television through the internet, and various other amazing changes in the world over her lifetime, so I feel that this information will not really be an issue for her. Unconditional love is just that. Not getting to visit often and her not knowing me very well, I feel compelled to share something deeper about myself while she is still alive. Putting the letter in the mail first thing in the morning!
I think that's great. As you feel a special connection with your grandma it's best you tell her. And from the sounds of it, you think she'll take it pretty well. It's always a little hard coming out to certain people but I think you're doing the right thing. Let us know how she takes it, if you want to.
That's great!! I think that it is good that she knows because then that creates a connection thats harder when you don't tell people.
That's really great! Congratulations. I'm sure that was the right and the best thing to do. By to way, what is the Great Depression?
The "Great Depression" was the hard economic times in the USA during the 1930's after the stock market crash of 1929. Basically my point was that with all of the crazy things she's witnessed during her lifetime, I don't think my being gay will be that big of a deal. I just realized my own typo in my original post...should say "peace of mind" instead of "piece of mind". Doh! Writing posts in the wee hours of the morning is bound to lead to typos, misspellings, and incorrect homonym usage. I'm sure my mom will hear from her about the letter, so I'll post whatever the reaction is when it happens.
It wasn't just in the US, it hit Europe, too. Besides the stock market crash there were environmental disasters (dust bowl), massive unemployment, poverty, hardship, etc. My grandparents also went through this, and until the day she died my Grandmother canned anything that would grow on the off chance that there wouldn't be any food - something that most modern Americans don't worry about.
My mom said that she spoke to my grandma on the phone recently and apparently she was very accepting of the fact that I'm gay, saying that she would love me no matter what and that I should be able to find someone I love, regardless of gender. I guess she sent a reply letter to me, but it hasn't come in the mail yet. When that comes in I might post what she wrote. In the meantime, while hanging out with one of my best friends today (the first one I came out to), I learned that her two roommates and one of our mutual friends now know too. I'm racking up the number of people I'm out to without me even telling these people myself! At this point I am getting over most of the anxiety of coming out and not really caring what reactions will be like. So far the reactions have been all good, but there are a few people who I think might react negatively (I'll cross those bridges when I come to them). Oh well! When I was first coming out I wouldn't have wanted friends I was out to to tell anyone, but honestly right now I'm am past caring. The more the merrier. Eventually my "out status" on EC will just be most people once I lose count. Fuck it all and no regrets!
So I received a reply letter from my grandma the other day and here is an excerpt: "Your mother never mentioned you were gay. I'm sorry you had a rough time, but very glad that you are feeling better now. I love you and am very proud of you. I really hope that you can come out to see your relatives here sometime and bring a friend with you."
What a wonderful response! At her age, after experiencing all of life's ups and downs, she knows that the only way to live is to live true to oneself, without regrets.