Gay relationships? Do they last?

Gay relationships are just like any other, some last and some don't. Honestly, whoever said that to you is just stupidly ignorant.

 

There's a common misconception within our community that all we like to do is date around. That's absolutely not the case. Like Kidd said, gay relationships are like any other. Some last, some don't. I was in your place once, but I realized that mentality was one of a high schooler who hasn't seen the outside world. Not saying that you're uneducated but looking at the big picture, a lot of loving gay couples do last as much as straight ones. You probably just don't hear them as much though. The person who told you that has a bit of a narrow minded view on gay couples, mainly because the only one's he's probably seen are the short term ones.

 

8 months is about as long for a gay couple as it is for a straight couple, judging from what I've seen and done.

I wouldn't worry about that. If anything, gay couples are more clear about what they want on the outset. Generally speaking, the sorts that only want hookups aren't going to lead you on just for sex -- it's too much work. You'll find someone who wants exactly what you want, a long-term relationship.

That said, do be careful. Don't rush into something just to find out that the guy you're with is a bit of a creeper.

 

I have been w my girl for three years and we have never been happier.

 

8 months is a long time for someone who is 20. Not for a realtionship in general though. I don't think you should expect to find the person you're going to settle down with for life first shot. So therefore, you don't necessarily WANT that relationship to last forever, because there is someone else out there who is better suited for you.

My HUSBAND and I have been together for 3 years, and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. I'd say that's a pretty long time.

 

I'm not gonna lie, I've never seen a gay guy hold down a relationship more than a few months at a time in real life (here on EC is my first experience observing long-term gay relationships). And most of the guys I have known couldn't hold down a relationship for more than a few weeks.

I hear lesbians bring flowers to the first date and a U-Haul to the second one though. :lol:

 

I know many gay couples who have been together for 5 plus years and a few over twenty years. I am coming up on three years.

 

I sort of also feel like its because many of us in the community haven't met many long term gay couples maybe? I dunno if this is just me, but side from me and my boyfriend, the only other gay couple i know in my area who has been together for like 5 years and are engaged AND monogamous is one couple. But i think it varies where you live. I bet wherever that one guy is from, there aren't many long-term gay couples so he probably thinks its not a possible thing.

 

agree with some of the above, people in there 20's usually just wanna have fun so a year is a quite some time. for me dating is about finding 'the one' person you want to spend your life with, not just banging.

 

It's kind of odd to me because I always hear that stereotype but in my life I know more gay couples that have healthy relationships then straight couples.

 

It's all been said, really, there's no difference between homo- and heterosexual relationships in terms of longevity, but I do think that in homosexual ones, as ProfessorLepus said, they're more clear about what they want out of it (long term, short term, one night flings) whereas it might not as clear cut in heterosexual ones.

I think this is where the misconception comes from, perhaps gay men who have one-nighters generally do so more than their straight counterparts, hence they get known for doing such, attracting more attention to that fact and thus the general population will overlook the quiet long-term gay couples around then and assume all gay men are out for no-strings-attached sex. That's the way I see it anyway, correct me if I'm wrong.

 

Purely based on personal anecdote: I'm not seeing it. Sure, I know of some gay people dating around. Then I know of some gay people who are married. Then theres a couple who never even get to dating anyone.
But the same goes for my straight friends: there's a couple of those who you never see with the same partner twice, and others who got married and are happy together. And there's aven more straight friends than gay friends of mine who don't seem to date at all.

If anything, I'm having the impression that the breakups my straight friends get into are a lot more vicious and childish than the ones my gay friends got into. Yet, I don't feel driven to blame that on their straightness.

So, I do think there's also a double standard at work here. reactions get redefined based on what kind of couple breaks up:
- Straight couple breakup after 4 months: "Aww, sad to see things didn't work out. They were so cute together!"
- Gay couple breakup after 4 months: "What is it with those gay guys? They seem unable to keep a relationship going!"

In any case: you won't be dating a statistical average. So all you can do is make the best of any relationship while it's happening...

 

My last relationship lasted 16 years. A gay couple I know were together for over 30 years until they separated recently.

So yes, gay relationships do last. Not all of them, but then not all straight relationships last either.

Sometimes I think straight couples remain together "for the children" when the relationship gets to the point that a gay couple or other couple without kids would call it a day and move on.

 

With a divorce rate of roughly 65% in the U.S., you can't really expect anybody's relationship to last.

 

Nitpick, though: that's total divorce rate. I don't claim to know a lot on U.S. data on the topic, but in Belgium, when a big study was done a year ago, they compared total divorce rate to divorce rate per first marriage.
And they saw quite a bit of difference. The total rate was a lot higher than the divorce per 1st marriage
(I wish I could find the data again, but it was in the order of 50% vs slightly less than 40%)

So, apparently: people who divorce once have a tendency to keep on making the same mistakes and see subsequent marriages end up in divorce as well. Those skew the numbers upwards. Meanwhile, there's a lot of people who seem to go about more cautiously and do manage to make their marriage work.

So the conclusion of the study was that you're still allowed some hope when you marry

Incidentally, they noted that divorce was much harder until recently, so a lot of the current divorces are basically marriages that ended a long time ago, but not in formal divorce. Further skewing the numbers.

And finally: gay divorce rates were way lower than straight divorce rates. However, we only had gay marriage for a couple of years, so it's too early to say anything conclusive about those.

 

Awesome, that actually does make me feel a lot better, since my parents have been married over twenty years and I DO want to get married, and I DO want to make it work in a "'til death do us part" sort of fashion.

*sits back and waits for legislation*

:dry:

 

well people on here are going to tell you that of course, there are healthy gay long term couples that have been together for years and grow old together with a white picket fence a pit bull they rescued from the local animal shelter and a summer cottage in the country. the reality is that yes, that can exist but also do your own research. what have you seen, what have you experienced. what i have seen is that people are "together" for small periods of time and even very attractive men seem to always be "single" but everyone says the same line...."i really want to meet someone special and be in a relationship". so i asked myself, "if all these very attractive men" are single and all these not so-attractive men are single and if everyone is saying they all want the special relationship, then why is everyone single? and what i have discovered is this....people get into ruts of learned behavior. they start off wanting the dream, the long term relationship but they get dumped or cheated on or used or have a bad relationship and then it's "no more mister nice guy" so they join the masses and participate in the never ending cycle of gay lonliness. also, people have said everyone is looking for someone perfect. maybe that is case. but there really is not perfect person and there are a lot of hot guys that can fit that category but they are single too....why???? well becuase with men there's a big difference versus women. when a man is interested in an attractive woman, if she doesn't want to be looked at as a whore, she is not goign to sleep with the guy on the first night or the first week, she is going to make the guy work for it. she is going to want a relationship before she gives up the goodies or in exchange for the goodies. plus, she knows she looks good and has many guys trying to get her so she dates until she finds the person she wants. guys are different. you can meet a very attractive model type looking guy and if you look decent enough you can get him to fool around with you or have sex with you with no objections at all. so think about it, the mentality from many guys is...."if i can get really hot guys to have sex and they are ok with not being in a relationship, i'm just going to have fun and see what i can get.." the problem is once you start on that path, it's hard to stop, so that's why you find all these "used to be hot" older guys alone becuase when they were younger, they screwed around a lot or had on and off again relationships and now they are 35+ and 40+ and that's not old but in gay years, people definitely stop looking at you as much. many people put age caps on their online profiles..(noone over 35). 35 usually seems to be the cut off for people. So now what, then the over 35 years old are relegated to other over 35 years old that are used up and worn with age over time and jaded. so i saw all of this to say, the reality is there are some things that really work against 2 men sustaining positive relationships, but there are definitely some out there. i don't know any but it doesn't mean they do not exist.

and before someone goes in on me with this, just save it. let me address your comments because i already know what they are going to be:

Remark: Straight people fool around just as much as gay people and it's a sterotype to say that all gay men are only interested in random sex.

My response: as i said above my view is based on what i have seen. i say "many" and "some" i do not say "all".

Remark: well straight couples have the right to get married and gays dont so that's why the relationship aren't lasting

My response: in some states and countries gays do, but even if they don't that doesn't mean you can't have a sustained relationship.

Remark: well who are you basing this on, you must be basing it on people from clubs and bars and online. that's not fair to base it on those people and there are other healthy relationship people outside of the clubs and bars and in lgbt events.

My response: this is indeed based on the bar, club, and online scene. however, the same people that frequent bars, clubs, and websites, also interchangabley go to lgbt events too. it's the same small crowd that circulates around. big city or small city, you're only separated by 2 or 3 degrees of circulation. oh, and guess what, the people at those events aren't saints either, lol. they are men that are also SINGLE. even if they are older and happy with their partner, they still will flirt with you shamelessly and in a sexualized manner when the old guy isn't around. men are men. and if think about it, even at those event a lot of attractive guys are also single. hmmm, why. if they are at the safe, utopia of an lgbt non club/non bar event, and it's more nonsexual in nature, wouldn't all these single people be able to find their "mr. right?". exactly, it goes back to what i said, people are still hooking up with people no matter where they are.

overall response: bash me if you want, but it is what it is. i really wish people on here would speak more truthful things about being gay, bi, trans, and lesbian instead of making it seem like it's friggin hop, skip, and jump along the yellow brick road to Oz and that if you click your heels 3 times you can find a great person. yea, they are out there, but it's hard for gays and straight but the gay life is equally more challenging and i think other people would be better served by you all being real instead of playing fantasy land on here.