Aspergers...

I have this problem also. It has taken a long time, but I have learned to identify situations where people typically lie. That helps. Even if I figure out that someone is lying it is usually in retrospect.

 

Four years ago I alienated myself inadvertently from the entire gay community of London because social wise I didn't know what to say. Hell when I went for a certain position on my University's Pride group I even said "I want to make people realize the gay community is not a bunch of promiscuous people" which obviously now I'm like...oooooo did I really say that back then, eek. But yeah most people talked about me behind my back in that group because I didn't know how to act. I rarely do, I get by namely cause my friend group are my acting troupe at my school so they may not all have Asperger's, but they still get me and how eccentric I am...

 

i have a different disobility but i feel all of your lonleyness and un certanty in this Ur not alone in this at all

 

I've heard aspergers syndrom describe as the "extreme male brain" before, which would explain it being overly common in transmales.

I don't, I'm more in the 'psychopath/sociopath' area of psychological anomalies but yeah. it's.. common. One of my brothers (the one *not* on EC) seems to have mild&highfunctioning.

 

I have aspergers and im gay i only relized recently but i still havent told my perents i dont no wot to do because ive got a girlfriend but i dont want to brake her heart could anyone give me some advice please

 

im the same as u, minus the aspergers tho, but the touching bac thing i share. the othe day i had such a pain in my back, and my mom tried to relieve my pain, but her touching me freaked me out so my i got her to stop, and just had the pain. but yeah i get bored with conversations very quickly and change topics alot too. and go into my own little world in my head too.

 

I recently had an experience because I thought two people with aspergers would work out fine-I met this fellow aspie online and we started hanging out with each other and eventually after about 3 months I started having deep feelings for this person and as things went on-as an aspie I have problems expressing my feelings and every time I wanted to say something-he would bring mention about having a problem with age difference-I was a few years older than him-and that would stop me from saying anything-well we go to a pot luck picnic held by a local LGBT group and I bring two cheese cakes and this friend brings a drink and we go to the picnic and no one even came up to talk to me and when I approached people they turned away from me-he was younger and better looking and they were all over him-well we leave and we walk down to the car wth the host and the the host didnt even say thank you or even shake my hand-well my friend that I have feelings for says goodnight to the hos and the host says "oh thank you for coming I have to hug all of my guests" talk about a kick to the self esteem well later my friend asks me if anyone caught my eye and I say yes and later he tells me he contacted this one person and that the are planning on meeting up-then he says "oh he doesnt look 43 does he-I was only 3 years older-so at that point I knew he all of a sudden had no problem with age difference-and I have been hanging out for over a year with him and trying to tell him how I felt and its tough and I would do anything for this person without question and help him anytime-well they meet up and go out to dinner and have sex on the first date-_and the guy was also 100 pounds heavier than me-well I am destroyed at this point-I never pressured him into anything and was taking it nice and easy-well this fellow was very pushy and an NT and hmy friend hid the fact he was on the spectrum from him-so he tells me of the encounter and I lose it-I tell him how I felt about him and ask-why him and he says "oh it his red hair and his eyes" and I ask why not ne and he says "oh its your looks and personality" I was floored and then he say "oh maybe if you excersize and get in better dshape you might have better luck" and I ask him well did you tell him that and he says "no"-well it was all over after that-I was just broken-he didn't care-I was working for over a year to try and show him and tell him how I felt about him and knew a lot about him and how he feels being on the spectrum and know a lot about him and he say he didn't realize I had those sort of feelings but he after one date gave himself to a person he only knew for a few days-knew nothing about him and just wanted to have sex-no affection-no understanding of him-I am still hurt by this to this day. I am just destroyed-even a fellow aspie can be superficial.

 

Now, this subject I have some experience in.

Now being born in 1991 no one knew what Aspergers was so no one knew what was wrong with me and it wasn't until first grade I was diagnosed with it. The first one to be identified in my school.

I've always had trouble reading their social cues, still do but my brain is fine in fact more so because it allows me think outside the box for an answer and I can think about several different things the problem is I only devote a small portion to each thought.

As for the most LGBT people being in the Autism spectrum, I think I can vouch for it since I'm gay as well.

 

I've been told by two therapists that I seem to have Asperger's but I don't have the insurance or money to get tested. It does make my life make sense though as I have SO many of the symptoms. I agree with what maverick first said though, it really shouldn't change anything. Your life will still continue the same as it would have if you had never gotten the diagnosis and whatever (if any) problems your Asperger's would have caused before the diagnosis, those will still be there now.

 

I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 16, along with Social Anxiety Disorder. I also have ADHD. I'm currently trying to transition, but it seems like having underlying issues makes that more difficult than absolutely necessary. I hate being the "token chick" at any Aspie gathering. It makes me feel incredibly awkward. I've only met a few female Aspies, and I've been able to get along with them, as we have a similar personality, but I've always gotten along better with guys. Being perceived as female makes me social anxiety 10x worse than it would be otherwise, and I also get to deal with gender dysphoria! >_< This is my first post on this site. I hope this group will be helpful to me, as I haven't been able to find many resources for Aspie trans guys.

 

Hi there, everyone!

I sometimes THINK I have Asperger's because I miss so many obvious clues in certain situations, the sorts of things that are so obvious with hindsight.

I have taught several people over the years who DO have varying degrees of Asperger's. I've found them all to be wonderful people and I've enjoyed their company and forthright and trustworth natures.

Asperger's is a spectrum disorder (hate that word!) and I've never met anyone who had all the possible characteristics. So many people without Asperger's are socially inexperienced or inept - it's almost a shame we have to give people yet another label.

I currently teach a guy of 18 who shares my passion for medieval literature - I've shared my books with him and he has devoured the Nibelungenlied and Parzival. He has become so knowledgeable and we can have geeky conversations in class, which boosts him self-esteem. The others have learned to appreciate that Floris is equal but different, and certainly not to be underestimated.

I find it heard to see him "alone" outside classes, but it is how he is happy and, at least in class, he is devoted to me and it makes me feel good if I can make him shine.

I think the single most important thing is how Asperger's is perceived by the person themselves and their family. I've met mothers who cannot accept their child as they are, who have even said that they wished there was a switch they could flick which would make them better.

The happiest I've ever seen are those who accept the difference but don't see it as a disability. It has disadvantages, of course, but so does being left-handed in a mainly right-handed world. It's no biggy unless you make it big and allow others to do the same.

So, the Florises of the world, I salute you! (!)

 

My mom has kind of always thought that I had asbergers. She's probably right, I suppose. I do fit a lot of the symptoms, but there's one main difference; I can typically read body language easily. Also, other people here were identifying mainly as over-affectionate, I'd probably identify as under.. I don't really have much empathy for whatever reason.

 

I don't have Asperger's/Autism, but I do have a similiar diagnosis (some of the symptoms overlap, such as the inability to interpret social cues/sarcasm/and so on) of fasd. You're still the same person you were before the diagnosis, but you're simply more self aware of who you are now, and when is that a bad thing?

 

I've got Asperger's and have been a sort of advocate the past couple years, speaking at my local university and such. The one aspect I cover a lot is that people with Asperger's in general have a great wealth of emotion, but depending on the severity we may not be able to articulate or show it correctly. For example, I've always shown my affection for others by hugging, and with family I say "I love you", but when it comes ot social interactions beyond platonic, it is very difficult to tell.

Oh, and I've noticed a few links to WrongPlanet here. While a good site, for the most part, it is partnered with an organization that prefers to see autism as something to be cured, regardless of how well-functioning the people are. I actually respect the leadership of Autism Speaks for the fact that they want to help their grandson, but some of the misinformation they've distributed has caused more harm than good, and their research into a universal cure has so far yielded no results. I personally support the idea of genetic modification if needed, for the more debilitating aspects while letting those with autism keep the thing that makes them great: their memory, and their focus. I know a woman with what's considered Low-Functioning Autism, but if you read her writings online you wouldn't know it. She's smart, really smart, but by the view of groups like Autism Speaks, she needs to be 'cured completely'.

I'm not sure if the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network has any reach in Australia, but I know that several members of AFF (aspies for freedom) are from there. Be warned, they are a bit elitist and in some cases militant, though that's lessened. BUt they are a good asource of information for disability news from America and elsewhere. I'd suggest going there, though do the lurker thing for a bit. I'd put the link here, but I don't know if that'd violate site rules. Just Google 'Aspies For Freedom', and it should take you to their website.

Anyways, just my thoughts. Others have already said the main things I would've said myself, such as being scared of committing some social faux pas or not understanding some joke or other social ice-breaker.

 

Wow, pretty much the same here except i have trouble reading sarcasm....

 

hi guys and girls
new to this site but im gay and was dignosed with aspergers syndrome only a few years ago, my depression was bad enoguht now i have a new thing to get use to a shout out to dave, things will get better soon for you i have been living with the dignoses for 5 years takes a bit of time to get your head around but i wouldnt change it now

 

Wow. I love how many gay people have Aspergers. I like the link someone posted about the connection between LGBT people and Aspergers, especially the gender thing because I recently, like a few months ago, had a long discussion with someone about how I feel genderqueer and prefer my male personality more than my female one about 87% of the time. Funny how that works out. The dots are really connecting today.

I'm an Aspergirl. Aspergers is harder to diagnosis in females, but it's there. I've also never met any other Aspies male or female, so I like this forum. Very enlightening. It's definitely nice to see some other Aspergirls on here. Not for creeper reasons, I think it's just nice to see other girls with the same condition as me.

As far as relationships OP, I haven't the slightest idea what I'm gonna do. I'm self conscious about it too sometimes. I just worry that on top of me being nerdy and introverted, if someone in the LGBT community does look past all that, I'll still have a difficult time connecting with them. I'll definitely try. Aspie people are actually really empathic, so any potential drift in my romantic relationship wouldn't be from my lack of feelings...just not know how to sort them out all the time.

I've taught myself how to cope and what to do (learned by trial and error) in lots of different people situations. So I'm hoping that those skills will help. I'm sure if you meet someone who is understanding, willing to learn about your condition, be patient with you and most importantly not look you like a freak, then you should be alright. I know that male Aspie is different from female Aspie and I don't know where on the spectrum you are exactly, but we probably have some of the same thoughts and worries. I think as long as you're also patient with the person and yourself (there's this pressure sometimes put on oneself to be "normal" which just makes a person feel worse) then whatever relationship comes your way probably won't end because of the Aspie.

I can't say that the relationship would work out because relationships end over a number of things, but I am confident that if it's the right kind of person, the Aspergers won't be the make it or break it deal.

I'm sorry, I feel like I've been no help at all, but I just keep jabbering on. Alrighty then. Later. Nice to "see" you all, fellow Aspies.

 

I have it

 

I am recent self diagnosed mild Asperger’s Syndrome, and had a diagnosis of some Autistic traits when I was about 9 or 10 (Asperger’s of course not being recognised back then) which resulted in me going to a special needs secondary school.

The reason why I have explored and recognised this recently is that some friends were doing some of the Health Checker tests on the Channel 4 Embarrassing Bodies website here My Healthchecker | Free Online Medical Tests | Embarrassing Bodies | Health | Channel4.com/bodies and we were sharing the results between ourselves on Google+. One of the tests was the Autism one, which is the standard 50 question AQ score test. My friends were all scoring between about 10 and 18, I scored 28, not far below the threshold of 32.

Obviously one online test is not definitive proof of anything. However I already knew a bit about Aspergers from researching it when a (now distant) friend told me he had AS. I read some more, compared with areas in life where I have difficulties (social situations in particular) etc. Things seemed to fall into place.

When I was a child I was bullied and teased a lot at primary school, probably because I would snap and get really angry etc, which of course other kids found great fun.

The health visitor that helped mum in the first few months after my sister (8 years younger than me) was born realised that something was not right, and she liaised with the school and doctor etc to get me assessed. I had several visits to a child psychologist who spent time with me and more time with my parents (when I was in some sort of waiting room on my own, probably being secretly observed).

I was then sent to a hospital type place for a month so I could be assessed away from home and normal surroundings. I don't remember much about it (mind blocking out bad memories?) but it was the first time I'd been away from home and I hated every minute of it. Bullying etc worse than ever.

As a result of that it was decided that I would not be able to cope in a normal secondary school and I went to a special needs school instead.

Although my mum would know more I didn’t want to ask her because it goes back to a time she'd probably not want to revisit. Instead I asked my sister by text, saying what I suspected. This is her reply:

"Well, from what mum has told me (obviously I don't remember much from the time), and things I've observed since I've been older and seeing other children, as mine have been growing up, I would definitely say aspergers. But at that time not recognised as such. When I'm talking about you, not that I do much, but if I'm asked why you went to a different school, I tend to say that you had difficulties that would now probably be diagnosed on the aspergers spectrum, but at that time not really known about. Various friends have autistic/aspergers children, mostly boys and yep, I think you'd be more aspergers. I've thought that for a long time. xxx"

I have discussed it online with friends too and one in particular (who I trust and respect) made a few observations:

“You hate group negotiation or reaching a decision. If something doesn't happen right then that very second, you storm off or get angry, rather than talking it through calmly and reaching a consensus. It raises heads and draws attention to yourself by the over reaction, so you may want to look at that.”

“The other thing is talking over people. I can't recall the wording in that test, but as soon as I read it, I thought of you lol. You can have a tendency to talk, you will pause and then someone will respond, and you will instantly start talking faster, talking over them until they shut up, so you can be heard. Initially this used to really wind me up, to the point I would just shut up.”

“I don't know how you respond with eye contact or if this is something you force or control. In an intense conversation you will hold a penetrating and piercing gaze that doesn't leave the person you talk to. Again, those around you are probably aware of this by now and used to it, but new persons could be wary.”

“One thing I would say is share this information with those around you. It would go a long way into fixing the understanding of others. Once situations arise, they can know it’s the ‘situation’ that's causing the argument/uproar rather than you having a go at someone for no reason whatsoever.”

So at this stage I am happy with the Asperger’s self diagnosis. I don’t really want or see any need to have a formal diagnosis. Indeed it could cause problems with life insurance etc if I have to declare a recent diagnosis of mental health issues.

I have just ordered a copy of “Asperger's Syndrome For Dummies” from Amazon, and signed up to a couple of Asperger's forums to get some feedback and read more about other people’s experiences and ways of dealing with certain situations.

 

I got 48, so the threshold is not 32. Most likely threshold is 50. I struggle with it a lot. A lot of people will take advantage of me. I generally don't make friendships that last over a week. There are only 2 exceptions to this.