Underage drinking bothering me.

Have you tried heroin, then? Would you reccomend that someone try it before talking a friend out of it, or speaking of its extremely negative effects in general?

Anyhow, I am decidedly a non-drinker. The idea of being high on anything simply doesn't interest me, and I can sympathise with the OP. I do have friends who drink, some of them a lot more than is healthy (which doesn't necessarily mean alcoholism, I might add). The way I cope with it is, well ... I ignore it. I don't generally go to the parties with them and when the topic comes up, I just sort of tune out. I know that they won't stop drinking, because they enjoy the taste and the sensations, so I just sort of pick my battles.

My boyfriend drinks, too, although he is one of the most responsible drinkers I've ever met. In the six months we've been dating, he's had literally two drinks, both beer. Do I approve of even that? Nah, but I'm glad that he respects me enough not to be drunk (my ex openly bashed me for being uncomfortable with drinking), and I figure that I owe him the respect of letting him have a drink. As for your friends ... maybe you could try having a conversation to work out a similar deal. You will, as with the case of my friends, never be able to talk them out of it, but if they are really your friends and if they really care about you, they will take your concerns into account and give a little rope, so long as you give a little, too.

 

Ok, I really do feel like I have to say something here.

Honestly, I thought this thread was somewhat off-putting because it carried a distinct hint of judgement directed towards those that do drink. I stepped in because alcohol was being villainized, and I think unfairly so. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the occasional drink among friends, or drinking at a party. Social drinking is usually just harmless fun.

I think the OP is making a big deal out of nothing. The two incidents the OP described are pretty minor, it was social drinking, and from what I gathered he isn't even actually "officially" dating this person yet. If you don't like alcohol, then say so, and avoid it. It's that simple. That's your right and I used to be the same way, but I would never tell someone to stop because I personally didn't like it, because it wasn't my place to do so. It's their life and their body and I think he's looking for a fight between him and his boyfriend by making it an issue. OP even knew that his boyfriend was going to be drinking and he didn't say anything then, when it really mattered, he jokingly encouraged it. It sounds like it's only an issue now because his boyfriend "passed out," which like I said could easily be accomplished by a minor amount of alcohol. That's less than five shots for some people. That could easily be just two drinks for a lightweight.

I also think that a lot of the advice I saw here was just plain bad. If the OP's friend or boyfriend or whatever was drinking alone on a consistent basis, or every weekend, or right when they wake up in the morning then I would say that the OP is right to be concerned. What I just listed are the signs that someone is self-medicating with alcohol or that they have a problem--a few drinks at a party are not. A bottle shared among friends isn't the same thing as a bottle in the morning when you're alone. A drink at a party isn't a sign of depression or anxiety or a psychological problem, it's just a drink.

What the OP has said doesn't make me think that his boyfriend has a problem, he wants to have fun, and it probably won't go over very well with his boyfriend if the OP wants to make an issue about it. I said exactly what I think his boyfriend is going to say, and he can do with that whatever he wants. I'm going to echo what some of the other posters here have said and say that I think that he should put his feelings out there and whatever his boyfriend says, I think he should leave it at that. If he refuses to stop, then I think the OP should move on, or learn to live with it.

 

I agree with the above sentiments. I drink maybe once every couple of months, and generally it's only about 2 standard drinks. I have never, and will never do drugs or smoke.

Even so, I do think you are being a bit - I don't want to say prudish, maybe naive/childish - in your attitudes towards your boyfriend. The circumstances you have described sound to me, like extremely normal/standard drinking behaviours for someone of that age, and therefore, I don't understand your reaction. I don't think your friend is an alcoholic (from what you have described), I think your friend is an average teenager. That being said, you're not "weird" if you, personally, don't drink. That's your own choice. I just think it strange that you are so opposed to a perfectly rational adult, who, at 19 can get married, or fight for their country, drinking alcohol at parties.

 

I think it is completely normal that following dealing with something like that you would have a negative opinion about alcohol. I'm not saying that you should expect others not to drink, but I do think it is understandable how you feel about it. I also think that if you want to respectfully request that they not drink around you, that is also completely understandable, both because of the legality of the issue (you could potentially get in trouble just for being with them even if you aren't drinking) and because of your father's history with alcohol makes you uncomfortable around it.

As far as your concerns about your friend/boyfriend/whatever he is, do I think he is an alcoholic? No, not at all. However, if he is ACTUALLY passing out after drinking and not just falling asleep really quick, that IS a dangerous situation, even if it only happened that one time. I'm honestly a bit upset to see so many people saying that passing out after drinking is no big deal. If he actually passed out after drinking, he had alcohol poisoning, and that IS dangerous, so you are right to be a bit concerned about that statement.

This isn't intended to make you feel uncomfortable again, but rather to let you know that you were not wrong to be uncomfortable. It's okay to be worried about your friend, but it seems you have talked to him and this was kind of a one-time thing, so I'd just say from here on out if you don't want to be around the alcohol, let them know, and if they say something happened that makes you nervous or they do something that makes you nervous when drunk, it's okay to let them know that you are worried about them because alcohol can be dangerous. If you're with them when something happens, don't try to talk to them when they are drunk, though, that can just get ugly. If you're really nervous, you can always make sure they have someone with them to make sure they're okay through the night.

 

Thanks for making that point, because it disturbed me too, but I wasn't able to voice exactly why at the time. That alcohol is socially acceptable seems to make people forget that it is a drug with the possibility, like any other, of serious negative health effects. Teenangers especially tend to go far past the healthy limit, and it's scary to think about.

 

I used to be super anti-alcohol, and I would get this weird sick feeling whenever anyone brought the topic up. And then two of my closest friends and I got drunk and played Rock Band, and everything clicked. And I totally understood the appeal.

Now the fifteen year old... as pretty much everyone agrees... should not have touched it. But, now I have the mindset that once you're legally an adult, you should be developed enough psychologically to make the right decisions for yourself. Is this always the case with today's youth's maturity rapidly declining? No. I would be upset, too, if the guy I was crushing on kept getting drunk repeatedly.

In moderation, I say it's fine. In moderation and in a safe environment. I'm not a proponent of drinking at huge parties and getting smashed and that junk. But when it's at your place with friends, and you know nothing stupid is going to happen, it's cool.

But hey, that's my opinion, and you have a completely different one, and that's cool, too. You have set boundaries, and you shouldn't have to change them for someone else. You could try moving those boundaries around and see how much you think you can handle (I don't mean by drinking, I mean by associating with those who drink and keeping an open mind). And if you still feel uncomfortable, then turn your longing gaze onto someone else. :icon_wink

This time in your life is about finding out what you like, who you like, and what you feel most comfortable with doing and experiencing.

 

No they aren't.

 

You'd hate it here with that attitude , it's completely standard to get totally shitfaced pretty much every weekend from the age of 14 onwards where I live.

 

under age drinking is not a bad thing, but it must be done in respectable limits. My dad gave me a bear only once in a while. This makes you used to drinking. if your not used to it, and you become a legal age, most people then goes full out and become drunk almost everyday. Then again this can be society, the manufacturers makes billions of dollars everyday. Just take for example 1 out of ten person will just buy one beer in the US, that would make 3.5(something) million beers sold each day. if the bear for example cost just $5 then that is $17.5 million per day. (that's amusing the US has 35mil people and bear cost $5 and only 1 out of every ten person buys a beer. obviously the figures are much higher, but these already scares me!)

Of course the producers won't much do anything to under-age drinking only make people aware of it, but to help authorities to completely stop it, would hurt their profits. I do not like under age drunk kids... its pathetic and looks very ugly

 

If you ever go into a liquor store, look around. All the pretty colors, bottles, names, etc. - it is clear who they're target demographic is.

I know exactly what you are feeling. Underage drinking (and unfortunately drug use as well) is rampant these days. I'm pretty much a buzz kill, and I've never had so much as a sip of alcohol. I dislike it and I've seen what it can do. The age limit is in place for a reason, and it should be honored, I feel.

But he did/does it, you can't change that. He is at that age (as are you, I, and so many others) where we learn about all of these things firsthand, often with consequences we never expected. That's not to say that alcohol is of the devil and no one can enjoy it, as millions of people would disagree with me. But this is a time where people who are against heavy drinking have to accept that others are in favor of it. If he wants to stop, he will. In the meantime all you can do is accept it or not, but if it is something you can't get over then at least you knew about it before getting involved with him.

I mostly want you to know that what you are feeling is completely common. I feel the same way, and many others do too. I'm going through the same thing, and struggling with my own feelings of it being wrong or not.

 

I think its understandable if you don't want to be around drinking.

However, as far as him drinking at age 19, I don't think its a big deal. Most people who didn't drink in high school start in college. I for one started when I was 18 after after I graduated. I mean, drinking and driving is one thing, but if he's being fairly reponsible, I think you shouldn't worry about it.

 

Wow... 19? then when is your legal age?

Here the legal age for drinking is 18 and for smoking is 16

 

You have to be 21 to buy and consume alcohol in the United States, and 18 to buy cigarettes. I think someone of any age can smoke them legally, but that might be a state-by-state thing.

 

Telling people to try drugs is always good.

---------- Post added 10th Aug 2011 at 01:21 AM ----------

Me neither.

---------- Post added 10th Aug 2011 at 01:21 AM ----------

maybe tlr;dr o well

---------- Post added 10th Aug 2011 at 01:22 AM ----------

And I agree with kidd... a lot of these replies seem to assume the kid is an alcoholic. I didn't see anything hinting at him being an alcholic. I don't know why it seems to me that some people have assumed that.... He went to a party and got drunk... doesn't mean he's an alcoholic and that you should worry.

---------- Post added 10th Aug 2011 at 01:24 AM ----------

And all you alcohol supporters I'm pretty sure alcohol is bad for you even if you're only doing it on occasion with your friends... it's ingrained in our society but it's still unhealthy....

 

I agree with this ^^^

I think that if it is done too much or too often, alcohol could become extremely unhelathy. However, if one does it in moderation (both in amount and in time) I don't think they'll really suffer negative side-effects.

 

I do not think doing it on occasion is that bad, but it bugs me that people here say it is not bad. It's still unhealthy though. Saying it's not bad is false. It's fine to accept the consequences and do it but people should realize it's still bad.

 

Yea, saying it's not bad is false. However, when most people say that it's not bad, I think they are just trying to say that having some alcohol is not the end of the world and that you will not immediately get horrible side-effects from it. Personally, I think it's kind of annoying when some people are so against alcohol because it is unhealthy. Many of things in the world today are unhealthy, that piece of birthday cake, that pop someone has at dinner, the butter on a baked potato...yet alcohol is the extreme evil devil. I know comparing alcohol to butter seems like a odd comparison, but I just want to show that other things can cause horrible side effects when over-used, not just alcohol. In the end, it is just up to the person to use it responsibly.

 

I was.going to post in this thread, but it seems everybody's up on their high horse - drinkers and non-drinkers alike. So I'll just save myself some keystrokes, as it's pretty clear nobody would be able to hear me from way up there.

Lex