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What am I?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by sensitiveguy22, Jun 10, 2011.

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  1. stesolc

    stesolc
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    I'm in a somewhat similar situation as you. Not exactly the same, but similar. You can read my first post, and you'll find a lot of correlaries.

    I'd suggest(this is just a suggestion. It's not necessarilly true for you.), as an identity, you try taking a blank peice of paper, and writting on one side:

    "I'm a 23 year old incel(look it up) virgin. Who is a pathetic loser and I'll never get laid."

    On the other side, write.

    "I'm 23 years old. I'm somewhat attracted to girls, but I feel uncomfortable making sexual advances against them. The reason I feel so uncomfortable making sexual advances against girls is because I feel uncomfortable about the idea of having sex with one. I feel more comfortable being close to a man in that way. And I enjoy that experience. The combination of comfort and enjoyment is coined homosexuality by some lesser beings."

    Now look at each side of the card. How does this peice of paper make you feel?

    Please tell me your thoughts, I'm very interested.

    BTW: I'm NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT calling you a pathetic loser! I used to think that of myself, but then when I had just an inkling of experience, I realised that the flip side of the card is far closer to the truth. (*hug*)
     
    #21 stesolc, Jun 13, 2011
  2. roberthere

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    Hi, i think you should take professional help to sort things out.. The sooner the better..
     
    #22 roberthere, Jun 13, 2011
  3. sensitiveguy22

    sensitiveguy22
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    Um, you're talking 2 exaggerated extremes here right? Because I'm not uncomfortable with the idea of having sex with a girl, not in the slightest. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: If a chick asked me to sleep with her I would accept in a heartbeat. Granted I wish to wait until marriage to have intercourse because I consider one's virginity a special gift which should only be given to your significant other...but I'm willing to do any and everything else pre-maritally. The problem is that I'm simply very shy around women and without confidence you're not getting any pussy because women have been conditioned to sit back and wait for the men to do the courting. Well between being afraid of rejection, ashamed of the sexual thoughts towards women floating around in my head and my lack of self esteem (which has been mainly due to my acne) it makes it damn near impossible for me to get up the courage to do it. Now taking up dance has given me the confidence to approach any woman I want and ask her to dance...but I lack the social skills to extend that relationship between that three or so minutes on the dance floor. :icon_redf

    There's actually a condition called "love shyness" which I may be a victim of-

    Love-shyness - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Now granted it's quite rare (only about 1.5% of American males) and I sorta did accept the advances of a guy (though it was something that we agreed upon together) and perhaps I do have some homosexual tendencies, but no I do not think the flip side of the card you speak of is closer to the truth. At most I think I'm in the middle and can go both ways. Maybe I'll keep fooling around with my friend 'til I find a girl.
     
    #23 sensitiveguy22, Jun 13, 2011
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  4. Zontar

    Zontar
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    I think it's safe to say you may just be a female-preferring bisexual.

    ---------- Post added 13th Jun 2011 at 10:37 PM ----------

    Oh.

    Avoid that love-shy/incel community. Like the fucking plague. They are full of very bizarre people, mostly misogynistic men who write longwinded forum posts justifying rape. The farther away you distance yourself from those people...the much better.
     
    #24 Zontar, Jun 13, 2011
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  5. sensitiveguy22

    sensitiveguy22
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    You know a few friends have joked that since I watch so much lesbian porn and fantasize about eating a woman out so much that I may be a lesbian in a man's body, lol. Or maybe just a woman in a man's body, since apparently I may be a bit attracted to men too. I dunno, I do seem to have more feminine traits when it comes to certain things. For instance, don't get me wrong...I've been talking about sex at lot but for me I think the biggest thing would be intimacy and not just in a physical sense. I think sex would be more of an emotional experience for me like it is for women. I wouldn't just roll over and go to sleep after sex like most men apparently do, I'd want to cuddle and talk until we both drifted off. Oh, and I surely cry a lot more and watch romantic movies more then most men too...
     
    #25 sensitiveguy22, Jun 13, 2011
  6. 12tonowhere

    12tonowhere
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    Dude you are going the whole hog with a guy and as much as you want to do the right thing and wait til marriage til you have sex with a girl. What if you hate it? or it just isnt the same as with a man or said girl doesnt wanna touch your ass. I think with your evidently complex sexual needs, you may need to do more exploration before settling. Anybody can get themselves hard watching any sort of porn, you just got to jerk it a little. getting tight in your pants before you start, even that I think anyone can do if they are thinking about sex.

    I also think you are over thinking it because you want to reject the idea of being with a guy. You are a man and if you can get hard with one man you can get hard with others. Dont kid yourself. I think you need to think about it with any prejudice, what is it right now you find so distasteful about the idea of kissing and being with a man?
     
    #26 12tonowhere, Jun 13, 2011
  7. Anne Nonymous

    Anne Nonymous
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    Well, I can't tell you if you're bi or not, but I think it's safe to say that your mind is thoroughly male. These days it seems many men think they're a lesbian -- like that blogger who was in the news today :lol: Or at least they believe they know how we think -- as if we had a hive mind and only think about things one way (&&&)

    So ... feminine traits include: constant yammering and crying, eh :dry:

    Just joking with ya. I must be in one of my mysterious feminine moods :icon_wink
     
    #27 Anne Nonymous, Jun 13, 2011
  8. 12tonowhere

    12tonowhere
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    I also think you have a lot on misconceptions about what it means to be gay and being a man. you need to stop trying to find a label for yourself and remove the boxes you have set up too categorise people. Im only being as blunt because I dont think you want something sugar coated. I think you know what you want but you are afraid...dont be
     
    #28 12tonowhere, Jun 13, 2011
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  9. sensitiveguy22

    sensitiveguy22
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    Hate it? I very much doubt that since I pretty much consider the naked female form (of an attractive woman mind you, lol) to be the most beautiful sight in the world...and I don't have to jerk it to get hard either. As I've said, I think I've become somewhat desensitized by porn...but the sight of a naked woman still tends to make me stick up like the Eiffel tower most of the time. Plus I love the feeling of holding a woman close,(I get the opportunity to do so while dancing) The only reason I could fathom for why I wouldn't like sex with a woman is if I dislike the smell/taste of a ladies intimate parts. But I hear it's intoxicating to most straight men, so if I am in fact straight that shouldn't be an issue. Now if the issue is she doesn't wanna touch my ass, well I suppose I may seek out gays like some straight men do to satisfy the anal desires. And the more I think about it being bi-sexual wouldn't be that bad, leaves open options.
     
    #29 sensitiveguy22, Jun 13, 2011
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  10. 12tonowhere

    12tonowhere
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    they mostly do that on the downlow cheating aint cool, but if you are in an open marriage i guess it wouldnt be ass bad. but considering the kinda girl that would wait for sex til marriage I dont think she would be down with it.

    Hell you may love fucking a girl, and in most cases I would applaud someones effort to abstain from sec before marriage...but I think anal sex still counts as losing you virginity. Also I think you need to experiment a bit to see where you are at, and you will def have to be open with future partners about all that you want
     
    #30 12tonowhere, Jun 13, 2011
  11. sensitiveguy22

    sensitiveguy22
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    Oh and btw, if I disliked the smell/taste of a woman I very much doubt a man's nether regions would be any better in that regard, lol. For instance girl cum is supposed to be sweet, men's is acidic so yeah...
     
    #31 sensitiveguy22, Jun 13, 2011
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  12. 12tonowhere

    12tonowhere
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    You have most definitely read up on the subject too much, you may be too prepared. with something like sex you have to go with the flow. just use protection and make sure you like who ever you choose and youll be grand. but I think it is important to really figure out what you want you should try and remove the physical aspect from the equation for a minute, because it seems like there is a lot of focus on it and relationships are a bit way more than that as is your sexual identity
     
    #32 12tonowhere, Jun 13, 2011
  13. sensitiveguy22

    sensitiveguy22
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    Yeah, I know it seems like I'm focusing on the physical aspect a lot...but can you blame me as a 23 year old virgin? I have 23 years of pent up sexual anxiety and curiosity. Once I have my first time I'm pretty sure the sex itself won't be so important to me. To be honest I almost think I could go without sex and be content just cuddling and being close with someone I love. Because it's not orgasm that's important, it's the intimacy and close bond you have your partner. Sexual release would just be icing on the cake.

    And yes, I have read up on the subject of sex a lot so I'll be prepared and able to satisfy my partner.
     
    #33 sensitiveguy22, Jun 13, 2011
  14. Zontar

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    I would advise against "saving yourself."

    Aside from subscribing hook line and sinker to man-made religious scripture, there is no other reason to do so and you're not doing yourself nor your partner any favors. Particularly in your case since you seem confused. Don't put the money down on a car unless you've taken it for a thorough test-drive...

    A more sensible alternative would simply be waiting for commitment. You don't have to make it lifetime commitment.
     
    #34 Zontar, Jun 13, 2011
  15. sensitiveguy22

    sensitiveguy22
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    For God sakes, I have NO confusion about whether or not I am attracted to women...the question here is whether or not I could switch-hit :dry: Sorry if that came off rude, I am just irritated by people saying that I'm confused and shouldn't bank on saving myself for a girl cause I may not enjoy it. I don't see why not.
     
    #35 sensitiveguy22, Jun 13, 2011
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  16. Zontar

    Zontar
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    I never said you wouldn't. I'm just saying there's no good reasons to delay sex until marriage. If you're not confused, that's terrific...but keep this same point in mind if you fall in love with a man. Same point, opposite end.
     
    #36 Zontar, Jun 13, 2011
  17. sensitiveguy22

    sensitiveguy22
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    Perhaps I need to explain my stance on waiting...and I've come to this decision independent of my religion

    It is something I've wavered on, but I've come to the decision I'm going to wait for marriage and it would be nice if my partner held the same views. Now I don't know how practical this is in today's world (not very it seems as there appears to be a "try before you buy" attitude with most people) and I've never had my willpower tested, but I think I'd regret if I lost it to just any girl. I view intercourse as a sacred union and virginity as a special gift, which can only be given once. Plus I think there are at least a few practical reasons as well...

    Safety- Obviously if neither of you have had sex with someone else you shouldn't have to worry about a risk of AIDS and other STD's

    Pregnancy- unless you just don't want kids, it shouldn't be a big deal if this happens with your soulmate, whereas with someone else...

    Now note that I don't think this has to specifically apply to "marriage", at least not officially (cause there are arguments against in today's world too and why do people need a piece of paper to prove their love?)...but the one you wish to spend the rest your life with, yes.

    Oh, and I realize I realize STD's aren't solely contracted through sex and so of course it's still probably a good idea to get tested but I think knowing the other person has not had sex with anyone else would give a certain level of comfort and whatnot. Same sort of thing goes for the pregnancy issue if you choose to not use birth control (which some do, sometimes that is a religious issue) I mean if it happens, it happens and I think there's a degree of comfort if it's with someone you truly love as opposed to somebody else, don't you?

    ---------- Post added 13th Jun 2011 at 09:49 PM ----------

    All that being said though, I suppose you're right 12tonowhere...anal sex would be the union of two bodies as one also I guess and therefore by my standards should qualify as losing virginity I suppose. I mean even though the dick wasn't meant to go in the ass it's a pretty intimate union of organs. :eusa_doh:

    Hmmm, maybe I shouldn't just experiment with anal then...
     
    #37 sensitiveguy22, Jun 13, 2011
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  18. Zontar

    Zontar
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    I guess I never considered the whole sanctity viewpoint personally. Just be aware that you may sacrifice evaluating sexual compatibility if you wish to maintain this viewpoint. There are many dimensions of compatibility to a proper relationship evaluated as one develops and sexual compatibility is still very important to most people.

    There's probably a balance to be found between the two extremes there somewhere though. At least you'd be waiting for the right reasons.
     
    #38 Zontar, Jun 13, 2011
  19. sensitiveguy22

    sensitiveguy22
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    And why couldn't we evaluate our sexual compatibility through other forms of sex? I mean would a girl really care if it's my fingers and tongue that make her cum instead of my penis? :dry:
     
    #39 sensitiveguy22, Jun 13, 2011
  20. Zontar

    Zontar
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    Would that even count as saving yourself to begin with then?

    Most of the "marriage" types I've seen tend to say no to everything.
     
    #40 Zontar, Jun 13, 2011
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