Coming out to same sex friends

Hey,
Firstly, Well-done for telling your girl friends. Its not easy. so a pat on the back for that.
Its a shame that you have lost a friend over this, and as hard as it is now you will realise that you can make better friends than him who will like you for you and not worry about what other may think.

It is important to have friends, and i dont want to see you loose friends over this. Maybe you could start making new friends... an LGBT group in your area maybe?? Once you have other friends to fall back on, maybe that is the time to tell other friends... if they choose to no longer be your friends then you have other friends still.

You really need to go with your heart... and if your current friends make gay jokes that are slowly taking away your confidence and making you unhappy then the sooner your away from this the better.

I am sure that you will work this out, and you know you have plenty of support on this forum ~Good Luck~

 

It's not weird at all - sexuality is a pretty big part of you and it's not a very nice feeling having to hide it (or feeling like you have to hide it).

But you seem to be pretty cynical about how they will react! It sounds like you've already concluded that they won't accept you, before they even know. Just because they say the occasional 'gay joke' doesn't mean they are anti-gay; usually it's just ignorance and will stop when you come out and they actually think about what they are saying.

If they aren't accepting, well.. as you've said you're better of without them. But don't resign yourself to that before you actually find out; chances are they'll be perfectly fine with it.

 

I'm in the same hole...


I don't know if i should tell my guy friends, they always have been too "strictly" heterosexual and male like never ever talk or show anything that might look homosexual, and its just weird..because i feel it isn't like that, they only do that to don't look hmosexual >-> and that bothers me..because it might be a warning for some kind of denial they have...if they knew they had a bisexual friend without knowing it for more than 2 years .-.

And i feel bad..because i only feel "100%" and i only feel "open" with my female friends, because they know it..and accept it and are cool with it. That makes me look to
my male friends in a different way, like if they were less than the kind of friends they really are.

thats just how i feel..and how i understood you feel, might not be of great help but its always good to know what is the need to tell them..i honestly never though there would be one, but now i understand.

 

Tell them how you feel when you come out: That you don't want things to change or get weird, and that you don't have romantic feelings for them.

Also: I think you need to put a little more faith into your friends. If they're your real friends, they'll be there for you. If not, then yes, it's time to find new friends. But don't go looking for new friends unless they do bail on you.

Good luck. (*hug*)

 

A lot of it comes down to how you phrase things. If you keep hemming and hawing, if you keep avoiding eye contact, if you mumble and take forever to get to the point...they're going to start drawing their own conclusions. But if you take charge, you can help take control of the information. "I've decided I'm comfortable enough with myself to start coming out, and telling people that I'm gay. I'm letting you know this because you're my friend, and I think you deserve to know." Saying things like this casts the friend in the correct light - they're now the "helpful supportive friend", not the "possible crush".

Lex

 

You know your friends better than any of us do, but don't write them off yet. Probably 90% of my friends are straight guys and me being gay is not an issue. There were some who were kind of weird at first but that calms down once they realize you're no different than before you told them. And with the jokes, people do that and say things like "that's gay" 'cause it's easy, not necessarilly because they're a homophobe. I had several friends who did it and after I told them it stopped, and the ones who kept doing it I would ask them not to and they eventually got out of the habit (they'd even get on each other if one of 'em did it).

Is there one of your guy friends that you'd be more comfortable telling first? People tend to follow the group, so if they see that one of your crew is cool with it that might make it easier for them to realize that it's not a big deal. And it's definitely not weird to be thinking the things you are. This is a nerve wracking process and you should be proud of yourself for taking the steps you have. Again, you're the one that knows your friends, but you might have more support than you realize.

 

For whatever reasons, and we don't need to go in to them, men do find it easier, at least at the early stages, talking to women or girls about being gay than with other men. But of course you want all your friends to know. It's an important part of your life. So either because you might want to tell them if you find a boyfriend, or you might simply want them not to look towards you expectantly if the conversation turns to girls.

I think you need to remind yourself that at some point they will know, and most likely get over it. Once you think about it like that, as something you're going to have to work out somehow, it can make it easy, as you think you it better to do it now rather than put it off. Don't feel guilty about not telling them, or anyone else. You don't owe it to anyone, except yourself, to come out at the pace that suits you. It has taken you a while to come around to thinking that you're gay, so don't worry that they mightn't adapt so quickly, most likely they'll be fine in the end. There's probably a small part of them that feels a little bad making gay jokes. And even if not now, they'll think about gay people differently if you're one of them. I've definitely had that experience.

 

Congratulations! You have taken such a big step in the right direction for self happiness, and you should be so proud of yourself. The girls you have come out to probably applaud you, and are very proud of you as well. As for all of us on EC, there are not words to describe how good that is.

Now on a less light note:
You should have every right to feel hesitant, and even angry about coming out to guys :/ I mean it probably hurt that when you came out to one of your friends they stopped talking to you. All I can say is that it is his insecurities holding him back, not yours. You are going to experiance times where people will not accept you, because of your "label". Many are often insecure on the matter, because they themselves fear the possibility that they are also gay. Just understand that with any label in society there is always going to be some kind of ridecule, or judgement. In the same way that people sometimes will not accept you for being gay, there are people who will not be accpeted for being women, or fat, or black, or christian. It is not right that people have these judgements, however it is a fact of life that people will.

That said, that was the response of only one of your friends. Also you are really young, many of the people who you are telling have yet to even know who they are themselves. How can someone who is unaware of their own identity accept someone who is much more complex and sure of themselves as you? My guess is that most of your friends will accept you and see that you have not changed, only the way they will understand you has. If they are not fearful, and stupid, they will love you and accept you.

Please try and give it an other shot, I feel like you would feel much better afterwards.

 

I know exactly how you feel! I've only come out to a few of my friends, all of which are also girls, but most of them are gay as well, so I don't think they count xD But the one straight friend that I came out to has made many gay jokes in the past, and is straight as a ruler, but when I came out to her she was totally fine with it. You'd be surprised how accepting people are, if you give them a chance! It is really hard to do, but we've got your back here~
I'd say to tell your friends that matter the most to you; they might be a bit taken aback at first, but if they are your real friends, then they will come around, and everything will be fine ^_^

Best of luck to you!

 

Three people know. Two girls, one guy. The guys at my school I trust and and I'm willing to tell...but, idk. The guy is my best friend. He's bi too. The girls I trust completely. So good job for coming out, just keep edging out of the closet more

 

If there's a LGBT group, just go. You don't need to announce you're gay. ime, most people don't do it and don't ask. If people say it, okay, and if they don't, whatever. It's just that you know that whether you are gay or not, you are in a group of people who will support one another and are gay-positive.

It's easy to speculate, but sometimes taking chances is good. Of course, it's good to trust your gut, too. Anyways, good luck.