I've found that I'm not too worried about my Mom finding out. She almost outed me when I was sixteen. I denied it. Since then she's told me, "it's okay if you are." Thus, her reaction? Probably: "I know." But then there's my Dad... Ever since I can remember he and I have always had a close bond. He didn't care that I didn't like sports like the other guys. He was cool with me getting involved in the arts. Hell, he was cool with me spiking my hair when my Mom wasn't. Yet, he's slightly homophobic. He always gets this reaction of disgust whenever gay politics spring up. Then there's the time I told him about a gay friend, he basically told me he's happy I'm not that way in oh so little words. My Mom rebutted that it would okay if I was. He reiterated, "but you're not right?" To which, I had to swallow my pride and tell him I'm 100% straight. I hated that. Knowing that about him. I can only sense my coming out will evoke the same response. Hell, maybe even cause the dreaded parental conflicts between parents. I just thought I'd create this post for bi/gay guys telling their fathers that they like guys. Why is it we fear this so much? How have your fathers reacted? How do you come out to your Dad?
I'm not a guy. But come out to your mom first, and she can help you. She know him as well as anyone, right?
I would think that your mom and dad have likely talked about this already. This isn't likely going to come as a complete surprise to anyone. I do think dad's do have a harder time with this than mom's but he'll come around.
I think pretty much all straight guys think its weird that a guy would be attracted to another guy. My dad was super awkward when I told him. I get the same awkward feeling when I talk to other straight people who know I am gay. It's like they are viewing me through this "oh, he's gay" lens and filtering out what they would normally say. Maybe it's just me though
Just one perspective >_< My dad never really said anything good or bad about gay people, but he did point out people sometimes and say they were gay >_< I just told him one time when I was upset about other things and I guess I just wanted to do something to get my mind off that other thing. I told him in passing and he hasn't brought it up to me ever yet, but nothing's changed between us two... And yeah, but my mom was totally fine with it, and said that my dad was too.
My Dad was the one person that didn't have any idea. And he sounds awfully similar to yours. I told my parents at the same time and they were great, but I had my sister to support me in that. I do see the sense in talking to your mom first, she sounds great and can probably provide you with the best help in this matter. Not to mention, its must easier if you have an advocate inside the house ^^ I hope your Dad is the same way, but mine was great. Its still really strange when he mentions or asks about 'it', but he felt a bit like he didn't really know the real me and is going out of his way to participate or be extra helpful in my life. Its very strange, but I know he cares a lot and is trying to find a way in. Good Luck!
come out to them both. The way your father reacting is likely more out of fear. He knows the hardships LGBT people face and he hopes that by showing he doesn't approve that maybe it will keep you from being that way. If you have a close bond with him, and if your mom will be behind you, then i think it will go well. He may have a little trouble but it will work out
similar to my dad. i'm terrified of telling him too, but then, i don't really need to. so i'm not gonna
Fathers have different ideas. A lot think that it is their "Fault" that you are this way. Comes from the upbringing most times. My brother came out to my father and he, while not really rejecting him, did distance himself to where he did not talk to him and eventually ruined the relationship. I have seen some amazing fathers support 1000%. ---------- Post added 8th Apr 2011 at 11:06 PM ---------- Guess it all depends on how fed up you are on being so freaking tired of lying to everyone for who you are. Hardest fucking thing in the world to say the least...
I have thought about only telling my Mom and not telling my Dad since I'm only a 3 on the scale but mostly a 2 (sometimes a 4, thus a 3). Hiding wouldn't be that hard. Just now that my sister knows - backed myself into a corner with that one. I think he might take it easier since I have a girlfriend or possible girlfriend currently - so it'll be like the X2 coming out scene with her there (although miles away), like Rogue was for Bobby, if I need something to fall back on. Also noticed this (although not filtering, since I like girls), while my best friend said he accepts me - he acts like I'm his bi friend now. It was kinda comical and awkward how he said, while in a group, that he knew "one of us" wanted to make out with him - even after telling him he's not my type in secrecy prior.
