What do you think about a gay couple being called partners?

I have never thought of the term partner as degrading or gay related, I have friends who have been together for year but are not married and if I was talking about them to someone who didnt know them I might say my friend xxxx her partner works at the carpet shop or whatever.

 

In terms of the couple as a pair, I always hear a same-sex couple referred to as a couple, or "they're together", etc. But when it comes to each person in that couple I always hear things like "is that your partner?" "this is my partner" "my partner and I have been together for..." "i love my partner" on TV. But in real-life, like with my friends at home and school, I've heard people in same-sex relationships refer to their significant others as boyfriends/girlfriends.

I feel like using the word "partner" is a way of giving in to the homophobes. Since they see same-sex relationships as less than opposite-sex relationships, they wouldn't want gay men to say they have a boyfriend, or lesbians to say they have a girlfriend, etc. When someone says "partner" I feel like they're trying to hide something, like they're not proud of it. It's like a mother referring to her child as her "offspring".

Then again, I can see why lesbians would use "partner" instead of "girlfriend" because many women use the word "girlfriend" to refer to their female friends. So that can be confusing.

Of course, people can say what they want. But don't feel obligated to say "partner" just because you think it's gonna make someone around you uncomfortable if you say boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife.

If I'm in a relationship with a guy, he's my boyfriend. If I marry him, he'll be my husband.

 

I hate the term partner, but since marriage isn't really an option for most of us gays, I feel like there should be something better than girlfriend/boyfriend. Highschoolers have boyfriends and girlfriends, when I'm with the woman that I am sharing my life with, I want a stronger word than girlfriend, and partner sounds a little stronger.

I still hate that term.

 

"Partner" is a bit impersonal, but it's the best of a bad lot.

Several months after I started working at my current place of my business, my boss was talking to me and a couple other employees about something or other. She looked at me and said "When you went to California, did you bring your...?" And sort of left it hanging. I looked at her expectantly and offered, "...fuck chum?"

She was very mildly offended (she's pretty liberal, and profanity isn't totally out of line there), but it was worth it for the look (from her) and the laugh (from everybody else).

Lex

 

Please disregard

 

Way to completely misunderstand him.

 

Hrm good point...I take it back then...Just misread fuck...go me. Sorry ArcaneVerse...I'm too tired to read straight apparently...Apparently I skipped the first sentence and therefore misread EVERYTHING you were saying..I suck.

 

%Back to topic

My boyfriend and I refer to ourselves as a couple, and all of our friends (straight and gay and everything in between) do as well - in reference to us and other gay couples.

 

I don't have a problem with it.

Actually, I often refer to boyfriends as "partners", so it doesn't sound like I'm broadcasting the fact that I'm gay.

 

I find the term partner to be weird, like when my grandmother asks if i have friends xD But also to put some perspective on it when i had a boyfriend my 80 year old west virginian gma liked to refer to us as friends and my brother and his girlfriend as a couple or dating. To which my mom often replied "jesus christ pauline they are a couple/dating/boyfriends etc." So i find the term partner vs couple to be like life partners vs married couple, or domestic partnership vs marriage. It is sort of a separate but equal mentality which we all know to be stupid.

Obviously you can't make people consider you anything but what they want to but if i'm getting married and someone sais gives good wishes to me and my "life partner/partner/friend/anything that isn't husband" i will likely correct them very sternly. I want my mom to say husband when she gives her toast not partner k thnx.

 

I absolutely HATE that word so much.

 

It isn't broadcasting your homosexuality any more than heteros using it broadcasting their heterosexuality though :/

 

That's what I'm talking about :dry:

 

These two points sum up my reason for thinking that "partner" is an acceptable term.

Yes, and in a perfect world, this would be a legitimate reason to not use the word. But we don't live in a perfect world; we live in a heteronormative world. As such, broadcasting one's heterosexuality is not considered a disruptive thing, but when we broadcast our homosexuality, even in a way that heterosexuals do all the time, whether we like it or not, we are going against the norm. And I fully agree that there is nothing wrong with that and we shouldn't be forced to conform to people's heteronormative standards, but thinking that those standards are wrong isn't going to change the fact that they still exist.

So, like it or not, broadcasting one's homosexuality is going against the norm; it's shaking things up; it's challenging people's (heteronormative) assumptions. Some people live for that kind of thing, and those are the ones who are fine with wearing pride gear, talking about their sexuality with their friends, and using terms like boyfriend or girlfriend for their significant other (Say! Why don't we just use that word?). But some people just don't want to put up with the consequences of going against the norm, and even the most ardent nonconformist (like yours truly) can want a break from time to time. Going against the norm in a meaningful way is difficult and has its consequences; there's no way of getting around that fact. And sometimes, we just want a break; sometimes, we don't want to have that difficulty, we don't want to face those consequences, especially if we do often. And it is during those times that we will go with the norm, that we will use the term "partner" to avoid "broadcasting our homosexuality".

Does it mean we aren't proud of who we are? Not at all. Does it mean we don't want to change the world and make it a better place for GLBT people? Far from it. It just means that we are realistic about our current place in the world and how it affects what we do, and that, for one time in our lives, we don't want to have to face the consequences of the fact that just by being who are are, we are going against the norm.

 

Well if someone takes the piss out of me for projecting, I tend to have pretty awesome arguing/telling off skills in real life, so I just get those out and all my friends are just like erm wow you pwned

Maybe I'm more confident with that sort of thing because the UK is much easier to be gay in than the USA
Just that I don't see why I should have to use awkward terminology because some people look at difference to be inferior

I don't wear any rainbow stuff or anything like that though, partly because of my mother, and partly because of the place I live means I would probably get shot or something

 

Partner doesn't bother me. Boyfriend and girlfriend actually do - it sounds kind of immature, like you're a lovesick teenager or something. Besides, there are a few longstanding unmarried hetero couples I know of (especially in the professional world) that use partner if they've been together for a while.

 

Idk, it just sounds very condescending... I don't like it.

 

Here in BC "partner" is definitely not a term limited to same-sex couples. Many if not most hetero couples use it too.

Personally, I don't mind it, but I hesitate to use it because I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to hide the fact that I have a girlfriend. I have used it once or twice though, in very brief professional conversations where it's unlikely that I will ever have occasion to disclose any further details to the person I'm talking to.

 

As I've said before, I actually think partner sounds immature. Like you're working on a school project together. A relationship isn't a science fair. I detest the term.