Finally out to some of my family!

Quite a long one so apologies in advance!

---------

It's been a very long time getting to this point but I can finally check off some of my family! All of my friends have known for a while and I'm honest with anyone who asks me. This made me become increasingly worried that it would get round to my family before I had chance to tell them. In the past few weeks I've continuously tried to come out to my brother's girlfriend because we are really good friends and I knew she would be fine with it. I also thought she could talk my brother round if he wasn't so happy. I've always imagined my brother would hate me if he ever found out because over the past few years he's made a few homophobic comments that really stuck with me and made me terrified. He's definitely a 'guy' guy (into sports, beer etc.) and I just thought he would hate having a gay brother. We've never been super close and my whole family just don't really confide in each other or talk about feelings.

So a few weeks ago I was hanging out with my brother's girlfriend just the two of us. I thought this would be the perfect time to tell her. She even gave me an entry by asking "so what's going on with your love life? You never talk about it." And the way she said it was like she knew something. Unfortunately I bailed at the last second and changed the subject.

Fast-forward a few weeks to last Friday and I was at a party with my brother, his girlfriend and a few of our friends. There were also some people there that I didn't know, one of which was this guy who set my gaydar off straight away. I was in the kitchen with my brother's girlfriend and she looked at this guy and said to me "I have a feeling he's gay." I agreed and then she said "you two would make a cute couple." I was a bit taken back but I just laughed it off. I could then see where the conversation was heading so I ran upstairs with her chasing behind me and went into a room. It didn't have a lock on so I just sat against the door while she knocked and pleaded with me to let her in. I eventually did and she sat on the floor with me. She flat out asked me if I was gay and I couldn't lie anymore so I said yes.

I was still quite numb at this point. She was reassuring me that my brother and all of our friends pretty much knew and were just waiting for me to tell them. I said I was terrified my brother would hate me and she replied "what?! He's one of your biggest defenders. If anyone ever says they think you're gay he always says if you are, you will tell everyone when you're ready and that's fine."

We spoke for a bit longer and eventually my brother came up and said people were asking where we had gone. His girlfriend then told him what we were talking about and I was just staring at the floor with my head in my hands. I couldn't even look at him to see his reaction because I was so scared and felt sick. I heard her say "he thinks you're going to hate him" and my brother replied "Of course not! I don't care at all." That was enough to set me off. I don't cry much but suddenly the tears were flooding out uncontrollably. He was like "don't cry, it's fine! It's really no big deal" but I actually couldn't stop. After I finally calmed down he shook my hand (which is his equivalent of a hug lol) and we rejoined the party.

When I woke up the next day I had a text from my brother's girlfriend saying: "You know me and R are always here for you no matter what. You are who you are and we wouldn't want you any other way. You're an amazing person so don't ever think any different. And you have so many people around you who care about you and just want you to be happy."

I've had a few days to process it all now and it still feels a bit strange. This secret I've been keeping from them for so long is now out and there is no going back. I'm so happy though and shocked at how my brother took it. I really underestimated him and he hasn't acted any different to me since at all. He also said he thinks my parents will be surprised (which surprises me because I thought they had guessed) but I don't think I'm ready to tell them yet. This was definitely enough for now and I feel so lucky and relieved to have both of them on my side.

 

Thanks so much! This was definitely the most rewarding. I actually can't believe I only have my parents left on my list. I remember a time when I was out to nobody and I never thought for a million years I would tell my family. This site is so brilliant and has helped me so much.