Yo folks I'm kinda worried about going to a gay bar because i have a strong suspicion i'll have a LOT of attention lavished on me that i just don't want. I look much younger than i am and apparently people think i'm pretty, especially gay guys. I don't like hooking up in bars at all, i'd be going there for the fun, but i'm kinda dreading the prospect of having to tell lots of people to fuck off and leave me alone so for all those who're savvy to the ways of gay bars, especially in sydney... would i be a bit of a target for all those guys who like cute young boys? And if so, how do i make it clear i'm not there for action? [edit] oh, the photo in my avatar on the left there isn't me, that's jeff buckley. there's one of me in my profile though.
It's very possible. I went once. and only once. And probably only going to be that one time. I was bored, but with friends, so I obviously couldn't leave, it just wasn't my thang. When people talked to me, I was friendly, but I just told them i was straight because I didn't want to deal with shit anyway. xD Word of advice. Don't wear a shirt that says "Save a Wave, Ride a Surfer". It attracts creepy 50 year olds.
>>>would i be a bit of a target for all those guys who like cute young boys? Not a bit. A lot. >>>And if so, how do i make it clear i'm not there for action? Tell them. Continuously. Although the smart move is simply not to go. Lex
If you really are cute, other gays should wait for you to make the first move, and If you don't they'll drift away shyly. I tell you because I'm actually young and gay men think I'm cute, too, so, uhm, yeah that's what happens to me. But maybe I'm just wrong and that's just the way gays in Mexico do it. Just go there and have fun and laugh at the ugly guys trying to seduce you, no one should ravish you or anything. lol
go with a friend act like your together. Someone comes over just be like thats my BF right there or stay close so your friend can pull u away if anyone gets aggressive xD I went with a couple friends and had plenty of older creepers on me (well i was wearing nothing but my vest and really tight jeans). Just don't be afraid to say no and don't let anyone pull on you or anything if your not comfortable with it. I was also there with my str8 friend so i just stayed near to grab him if anyone tried coming onto him so i could act like he was mine xD If you are going alone though you just have to make things clear. If a guy comes up to you and your not interested use the your dating excuse, or your straight. If a guy tries to dance up on you and your not comfortable go for a drink or to the bathroom or move away as you dance. If any creepers come onto you let them know your not interested, they know you are young and that what they are doing is very likely to end in rejection. Tell them "i'm not interested sorry", "Sorry your to old for me", any of the aforementioned excuses. But if anyone does get aggressive and tries to pull at you speak up say no, tell them to get off or leave you alone because they can be difficult sometimes xD
Imagine going to a mall with no intention of buying anything whatsoever, but just looking. Now imagine how many times the store employees are gonna ask if you need help finding anything. You're gonna get a lot of attention, and telling one is not gonna stop another from bugging you. Best idea- don't go to a mall if you're not looking to buy stuff.
Its going to happen. If you dont want it to, dont go. You could always try and find some straight places NEAR gay areas; that way there will probably be gay guys around but less so.
It's gonna happen, prolly a lot, and, depending on the bar, many people will not be subtle, particularly if they are drunk. And the regulars lock onto "fresh meat" nearly instantly. Most of my friends describe the bar scene as a total meat market particularly those who are cute. Perhaps everyone needs to have the experience once, just to know what it's like. Clubs, where you can go to dance, can be fun if you take a friend who can be your "boyfriend" to provide cover, but those are generally just as bad as far as meat market mentality. Among the people I know (teens to 50s and older), VERY few of them find anything remotely redeeming about the bar or club scene, and generally enjoy more quality entertainment (hanging with friends and so forth) instead
The club scene is different from place to place. Sydney being a large place, you may have lots of people being quite forward because they don't have to worry about ever seeing you again. I think there are loads of things that you can do to avoid attention. It depends though. From your post, I don't know if you simply don't want the attention at all or if you don't want the attention from certain individuals. If it's the prior, woot woot! It's an easy solve. If it's the latter - sorry, the ability to be picky and choosy comes with a price. If you're not interested on having advances made on you, bring friends. Don't wear suggestive clothes like Shevanel gave mention to. Don't hang out by yourself. If it's necessary, take a friend to the bathroom with you. Avoid providing others with that opportunity to get an 'in' with you. If you're going to the bar to still meet people, but want to avoid unwanted attention - go with the last advice, but be willing to be the one to take a risk and introduce yourself to someone. If you want to be picky and choosy, you have to be actively picky and choosy.
I've actually never been to a gay bar in my native land, the US (or anywhere English-speaking, for that matter), being not of age. However, I've had varying experiences as a young and young-looking man at gay bars in Italy, Austria, and Quebec. Yet, in both Vienna and Rome, neither of which exactly have hopping gay scenes, gay bars and clubs (or the ones I've been to, anyway) are not really "meat markets." They're places to chat and hang out with friends/boyfriends. In Rome, where I was obviously young-looking (at 18) and drunk, I was ignored by the groups of younger men and taken under the wing of a large group of 20s-40s older men, who I chatted with both times I went there. In Vienna, the guys at the first couple of places ignored me; everyone was divvied off into smaller groups. Once, someone younger and quite drunk started a conversation, and people smiled at me a couple of times. I was at a gay bar alone on Friday night - I periodically go to a dance club in Vienna, maybe once every 3 weeks or so, for the people-watching and to remind myself of the virtues of being single (depressing, huh?) I looked decent and was dressed a little more "cute" than usual, in a button down shirt with a pullover on top. I saw this 29 year old guy (so he said) whispering about me with a guy who looked much older, like 50, and then he turned and started an awkward conversation, first in German and then in English after he found out I came from the US, and went over to my side of the bench and started leaning in way too close for my comfort. He wasn't that attractive to me, and, I just decided not to get to into it, and then cut out and said "It was nice to meet you, but I should go see what else is going on." Something like that might work if you get unwanted attention... I've gotten unwanted attention on the street and in public places before, though, in Vienna, NYC, and Chicago, and chosen just to ignore it or "thank" the person and move on. A guy in Chicago, probably in his 30s, once said to me, "You're the cutest thing alive", paused, and I was flabbergasted and just moved on, after thanking him. That was pretty harmless. Less harmless was when a guy in his 60s, probably, very explicitly hit on me at my job (I was a gallery attendant/volunteer/explicator at a small museum in NYC this past summer.) He asked me if I was a "tour guide" for the neighborhood too (it was in Chelsea, near NYC's real gay center), to which I just said "no", not honoring his attempts to flirt. He then said "I'm trying to flirt with you", which I acknowledged ("you're trying to flirt with me") and that he figured I was gay (I responded affirmatively.) I then just disengaged. Another time, I gave a couple of guys in their 30s some eye contact (so I invited it, to a degree) at a museum in Vienna, and one then took the opportunity to follow me into a gallery that I was alone in. I just smiled and ignored him. Sometimes, if you're in a safe situation otherwise, the best thing to do is just acknowledge and then ignore.
I wouldn't normally go, i'm not into the club scene either, but it's bound to happen eventually, with certain friends.
Well, I've seen your pic and your probably gonna get hit you do THE CUTE, I'd just make it clear when a guy comes up your not interested, or lie and say you have a BF.
Reading through this I'm not sure what to think: A) I'm ugly as hell which is why I'm not pestered when I'm in a club B) Toronto truly is the best place on earth to be gay C) People are exaggerating a little here I don't go clubbing all that often, but in the last 3 years I've likely been out downtown in the 'village' 50 times, and half those times I've been in a bar or night club. And I have NEVER noticed younger guys being aggressively pursued by older guys, or any guys to be honest. People are out to have a good time. If you're looking to meet new people, then you're going out of your way to make eye contact and talk to people. If you're doing that and you come across someone who isn't returning the eye contact or interested in talking, then they aren't interested. But that's my experience. I certainly wouldn't refrain from going to a gay bar because I was young and good looking. Go and have a good time. As an older gay guy who does go to bars and clubs, I'm a little offended to find out that so many people assume they're going to be harassed by someone like me if you go out to a gay club. If I didn't have a boyfriend already, I'd know who was in and out of my league.
I don't know about A, Jim, so I'm going to have to go with B. Because here in Colorado, somebody as attractive as PseudoJim would be very VERY popular at the gay bars and clubs. And nearly all of that popularity would be from (yes) old, fat and unattractive guys. Many such guys go to the clubs soecifically on the off-chance that somebody young and attractive (and inexperienced) will walk in. And you can bet when one does, they 1. don't let the opportunity slip by, and 2. don't give up very easily. Lex
Jim, several of my (20 something) friends who live in Toronto have definitely reported the problem that others have described at clubs there, so I think it's pretty universal. And I'm talking people being really aggressive, and not giving up, as Lex describes, even when my friends go out of their way to avoid eye contact, try to keep physical space in between them and the "aggressors", and other tactics. It's really tacky. And yes, it's a stereotype so I can see why you'd be offended; same reason that I generally avoid even trying to talk to anyone younger than 30, because the assumption is always there that I have ulterior motives. And, Psuedojim, I concur that, having seen your pic, you would be very likely to be hit on. Maybe, Jim, you hang out at classier establishments than the ones my friends have described
I would say, try it once and don't go back if you don't like it. If you go with friends, nothing bad can happen. I've gone to one of the gay clubs here in Montreal about 10-12 times in the past few years, and I never had any problems. Some guys will come up and dance a bit, but I've never seen anyone insist if you make it clear you're not interested. Granted, the population there is definitely young (under 30), so no older guys there. Some people go there to get a fling, some don't. It's never been a problem for me.
Exactly! I don't think I'm that out of touch. Because I'll be honest and say that I'm checking out the good looking guys - so I'm watching what's going on around them. I do remember one instance where a really hot young guy was dancing shirtless in the middle of the stage. A real show-off to be honest. Eventually, another relatively young guy made a move by dancing behind him and maybe touching him a little. The show-off turned, said something in a pretty calm way, and the other guy backed right off. That was it. So I guess I'd say that if you go to a gay bar and you're attracting old creepy guys like flies, you've gone to the wrong place. Try another bar or night club. I would think a city as large as Sydney would have a few to choose from. And yes, if you want to avoid unwanted attention, then keep all your clothes on and don't wear a shirt that has some kind of provocative expression on it.
