Missing Him

Hey everyone... Now I'm starting to feel a LOT better.
I know a lot of people say it's in my best interest to not talk to an ex right after you break up, but honestly, we spoke today and it went pretty well I think. We want to work on being just friends. I don't want to lose him as a friend and he doesnt want to lose me as a friend.

I have no interest in forcing him to love me or anything. If he doesn't want to date, then we wont date. I was feeling better after going out with friends and i'm feeling even better now. Of course I still get a little upset because this means that likely our contact from here on out will likely be strictly online.

He said things might ahve worked out if I had lived closer and could have seen him more often. This all makes sense to me and i'm really not even upset about it. I think that I was mostly upset because I had this idea in my head that he and i could never talk or see eachother again.

Also, I'v come to my parents house this weekend, they've agreed to lay off the chores and whatnot and clearly know something is up with me. I feel strange, like maybe I'm becoming okay with this too quickly or something. I'v been so sad and depressed and lonely the past few days that I really don't think I can do it anymore. I'm physically incapable of spending more time sitting by myself in my room feeling sorry for myself.

I'm still going to come out to my brother this weekend, unfortunately, I did not get to see him tonight as he was out with his GF all night. I have already told him that I needed to talk and then when I called the house earlier (he just graduated college so he's living with my parents) he picked up and asked if everything was okay. It's times like that when people ask if things are okay that I start to really get choked up about stuff, but I think a lot of that is happiness that I have people in my life who are there for me and do care, even when I think they don't.

Anyways, I will be telling him tomorrow (though it will really be telling him something I already know that he knows). but no longer will I mope around the house and not going out.

I had a hell of a shitty week this week, and it's only up from here. I got dumped, my cable/internet got shut off, my ..... account got hacked (thankfully they did not get to any serious personal information) and I'v had my normal shit ton of work to get done for school. But i'm thinking of the positives now.

From this relationship and the break up, i'v become more comfortable with myself. It forced me to come out to pretty much everyone but family. I no longer think i'm fat ugly and stupid, because I know someone out there has been attracted to me. I have gone through this stuff once, I'll know what to expect next time. I'v had some dating experience so now I'm better prepared for the future. Before I met him, I had no idea how to make a move for a first kiss or anything like that at all. But the best thing I got out of the whole situation is that I am completely surrounded by loving caring friends and family and of course you guys!

I'm keeping my chin up and looking on the positive side of things for as long as I possibly can stand to. I really couldn't have handled this without you guys. I'v got some more progress to make, but at least I can eat and listen to music and interact with people again on a normal level.

Thanks everyone. You guys are great, I really don't know where I'd be without EC... I'd probably still be in the closet and miserable...

I'll keep you guys updated. Hopefully soon I'll be 100% out of the closet with absolutely NOTHING to worry about.

 

Well it's done! My brother knows. I was hanging out with him last night and found time alone with him so I just asked if he had seen my facebook profile and stuff and he was like, yeah, well you know, whatever makes you happy is all that matters to me.