I am not the relationship sort of person, I dont even have very good relationships with my friends and family. Being in a relationship doesnt suit my lifestyle. I dont feel as though I could ever let anyone that close to me, both physically and emotionally. I am a bit of a loner, I dont have close friends, I am not close to my family, and I prefer the company of my Dog to anything else, mainly because he doesnt talk to me on a regular basis. I enjoy being alone, but I dont want to be a depressed little hermit for the rest of my life. I have Asperger Syndrome, a mental disorder on the autism spectrum, and because of it, I am about as social as a camel. I also have a lot of issues with myself, about both my body and my personality, but the main thing that prevents me from being in a relationship, is the fact that I cant let people get close. I dont have any problems invisioning a relationship, I think about it all the time. In my head though, in these little scenarios, I am a different person. I can be open, I can be close to someone, I can be myself around them. But thats just in my imagination, in reality, there isnt a snowballs chance in hell that I could ever have a life like that. I think that if someone knew that I had trouble opening up, or communicating, it could work, but it isnt exactly the sort of thing you say upon first metting someone. "Hi, my names Pat. I like reading, I'm a bit of a gamer, oh, and I have a mental disorder that prevents me from having a proper, open conversation with anyone. Whats your name?" I also have a terminal case of foot-in-mouth, and I can afford the operation to get the foot removed. I say stupid things, and I get embarassed. I probably dont say as many dumb things as I think I do, but I just get really paranoid about it all the time. I have trouble meeting new people because I am sure that I will make an arse of my self in the first sentence, therefore, I dont go and meet new people, I stay nice and cosy in my lonely little bubble. I just get really scared when I think about the fact that I cant ever be with someone, that I will inevitably drag myself down into a life of loneliness. I do fine for friends, I have plenty of them, and they are pretty good friends. So it isnt a complete lack of human interaction I fear. The fact that my life is going to be devoid of any sort of intimacy, or relationship, scares the hell out of me. No amount of deadly, pointy animals chewing on my limbs, as someone drives a spike through my neck, could top this. I feel silly worrying about this now. It seems more appropriate to worry about this sort of thing when the problem is more apparent, say 30 years down the road, when I am alone, with no one to keep me company, living a life of desperate loneliness. But I know that that is going to happen, and I dont want it to. I dont know what I am looking for, posting this. I dont think any amount of advice or support could help, it isnt the sort of problem that can be scared away with friendly advice. There isnt anything I can do to change the way my life works, but I'm just so scared and I dont know what to do.
Hay, I had that problem too but you get over it. I also have Autism but what you have to do is be positive and try opening up just let people know you. I know it is hard but you just have to answer those awkward questions openly and tell more about your self and try and express your feelings. If it helps open up different parts of you to different people then you well slow fully open up, I just takes time. And try and force yourself to talk to people and maybe join in to conversations that your intresed in. That's my 2 penny worth
I can talk to people very easily, not really deep conversations though. I dont have any problems with that. But I am scared that if I do try to open up to anyone, I will open the flood gates and spill a whole lot of crap on them and drive them away. I havent ever really 'talked' to anyone before, so I dont know what I should expect to come out of my mouth. Like I said, I have a terminal case of foot-in-mouth disease. That isnt what concerns me. My concern is that I know I will close myself away in the future, and that I will never meet anyone. I dont know how or if I could go about changing myself so as to avoid this, but I know that if I keep my current frame of mind, I will die completely alone.
there are people who are pretty happy to put up with the aspergers people. my parents used to think i had it, but i dont think i do. anyway, back to the point, i really dont seem to mind rude bastards. People who are angry/different on the outside are usually more interesting. not that im in australia, of a gay guy, but you might find someone like me who is. go for the one night stands for a while if you want, though. they feel good
You saying you occasionally spit on passerby's? Seriously though, you seem to have a grasp on your situation, which makes things so much easier to overcome. You realize your challenges, accept them, and now all thats left is to overcome them. If you know what's holding you back, then you know what you have to do to overcome them. Face your "fear" as they say. Whenever your mind tells you to get distant, consciously acknowledge that thats whats happening, and force yourself to do the opposite. You're in an amazing situation where you understand whats happening to you. Thats usually the hardest thing for people to deal with. Just need to strength to push yourself.
Hey, Sorry you feel this way. I think the main thing you need to do is try and build some confidence. Try not worry if you say some thing embarrassing or wrong. People will get used to that if you give them a chance. Also when you do meet new people don't worry about what you say, that will make it worse. So what if you say some thing wrong, that is you and thats they way things come out of your mouth. If people don't like it then let them move on and find some one who will not say these things. I dont know you at all, but from what you say i imagine you maybe a little quirky in the way you act and see the world. There is nothing wrong with this at all. Try and just be you, and not worry what people think. You will find that some people are attracted quirky personalities. Be different, be your self and in time you will find some one who like you for you and when you get comfortable with him and you know no matter what you say or do, he will still see you for the person you are , maybe then you will feel like you can be intimate with him and share things you haven't with others! You have MANY MANY years to get used to be you... Have fun and try not worry!! Sorry i have gone on a bit here, but i hope it helps!
