Warning: this might be a long and confusing post because I am extremely tired...Here it goes: This time it is surprisingly not about my sexual orientation but about starting school. I am in the process of trying out for a school team. Now I'm not exactly the most athletic person but I have played the past 2 years and figured that I'd give it a shot. The past 2 days (mon,tues) have been fine and I felt like I was doing my best. But today I seemed to be missing the ball more and just screwing everything up! I am really really upset about that because the coaches are watching you play and if you don't play well then you will get cut off the team. I think that the real reason that I am so upset today among other reasons that I played so suckish today was because I had a really bossy girl on my team who kept telling me I was doing everything wrong. And when I mean everything I mean every move I made. It really hurt my feelings and I felt like I was going to cry on my way home. Now, I will be the first to say that I am sensitive but that just really hurt me and I am still very upset. Now the other part of why I am trying out for a sport is for social reasons (my main reason of course is to play the sport.) I have some social anxiety(but we'll talk more about that later) and this year we are getting a whole buncha new kids. Some are trying out for sports and I wanted to have a "jump start" to making friends with some new people while keeping my old friends close. It's extremely hard to do that when your old friends hardly want to have any contact with you. Infact, I was basically ignored by my old friends today. I am so depressed right now, I just slept for quite a while and I feel very isolated from the world. This too is really really bothering me. Right now it's been many hours since these events had occurred but I am still so upset with everything that happened! I am now scared that I won't make the team and my old friends will ignore me even more often since I won't be with them at practices and games. As a side note on social anxiety, I am having a lot of trouble with being with other people. Even people that I know from prior years. When we have to get into small groups I get REALLY nervous. This is probably because of my low-self esteem and that no one wants to be with little me (especially older, better players.) Even if this is just one quick drill I get all anxious. So a recap for people who don't want to listen to my babbling, which is totally understandable: 1) I am trying out for a team even though I am not the best player 2) A bossy girl was being very mean to me today and I am upset from that 3) All my old friends are hardly talking to me or flat out ignoring me 4) I am having problems connecting to other people because of anxiety issues 5) I am VERY upset :icon_sad: Any help would be much appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read
Middle and high school sports were not my thing, either. But I did meet a lot of people. None of them turned into good friends, but the connections paid off in the end. I do remember how people thought they could turn into complete a-holes when they were on the field. Just brush it off. Don't ever take what people say on the field 100% seriously. They're probably just getting way too into it. The biggest thing is try not to feel or seem down and distant from your old friends. Just thinking that way will make you seem insecure, and your insecurity will just cause more problems. Friends at your age are never static (even though they seem to be), so you could change everything around in one day (for better or for worse). Be happy and yourself and everything will work out eventually. I promise! :icon_wink
First, congratulations for joining a sport team ! It's great that you want to work on your social anxiety and joining a team is a great way to do that. Now here are a few ideas of what you can do : - Some people can be very bossy during a game, that doesn't mean they are this way all the time. I suggest you to talk to that girl (for exemple after a training) and let her know that you're doing your best, and even if you understand she is trying to help, the fact she is constantly yelling at you is counterproductive. Who knows, maybe you'll discover she is quite a nice person... outside the playground. - you've got a coach for a reason. He is not only there to evaluate your hability to play, he is also there to train you so that you can make progress, and to train the team to work as a team. I suggest you to talk to your coach : about your anxiety of not being performant enought and about the fact this bossy girl telling you constantly that you don't do things right makes you too nervous to concentrate on the game. It's his/her job to fix that kind of problems. - instead of letting your old friends ignoring you, take the first step. Next time you see them, go and talk to them, invite them to take a coffee, or to hang out to the mall the next saturday. - If you have anxiety problems, that you have problems to connect with other people, or that for a reason or another you're unhappy at school, talk to your school counselor. They are used to deal with teenagers and the different problems they can have. Take care (*hug*), Cécile
Thank you both for your advice. A few hours ago I wrote a long response and then closed my browser by accident. Anyway, today I am feeling much better. The thing is that I am not yet confident enough to talk to the bossy girl...I think I might just let it pass. I think that you're right Cécile, I would probably be very well off talking to the coach, I think I will do that one monday. With my friends things still seem to be looking down, but I'm trying to keep my head up and get the conversations rolling again. Thank you both again for your advice!
